Hate Me

The next day, Cora was careful to avoid anything green in her closet. She settled for a sleeveless nude colored gown that had a deep v-cut in the front and back. Cora paired the gown with gold gladiator sandals that stopped at her calf, gold cuffs on both her wrists, three rings, a golden spike drop collar and matching earrings. Cora’s make up was more natural, sticking with gold, brown and black eye shadows while her lips were painted a faint color of pink. Cora was able to skip breakfast this morning and slipped into the stables. Archer was pleased to see Cora and even more so when Cora sat upon Archer and took off towards the fields.

That is where Cora is at now, in the fields practicing her magic. She does not worry that anyone will come searching for her, there is no need. Thor is home for the time being, so he will spend his time with Xaven. With time on her side at the moment, Cora calls to the front of her memory a spell she was studying a few days ago while Xaven’s was sleeping. The spell was simple for the most part, it did not call for any ingredients, and the only thing required is concentration, which Cora is lacking. Screaming in rage, Cora slams her fist down in front of her and the grass turns limb and withered. Taking deep breathes through her mouth and letting them out through her mouth, Cora places her hands on her knees and closes her eyes.

Cora thinks of herself, she envisions herself, but a younger version, a model from her past, but not just any old model. Cora thinks back to when she was twenty three, the length of her hair, the color, the shape of her face, the sound of her voice, she thinks of everything. Digging deeper, Cora thinks of the night of Thor’s coronation, she thinks back to the dancing underneath the moon in Loki’s arm; Cora can hear the music and feel the breeze from that night. Feeling her body pull away from itself, Cora slowly opens her eyes and she nearly screams seeing her twenty three year old self sitting in front of her. “I did it!” Cora shouts and she laughs, her eyes filling with tears. She’s so happy she could cry.

The twenty three year old version of Cora smiles, “…I’m guessing you have tried this a lot?” Cora nods her head and the younger version nods her head, “So…what’s bothering you?”

The smile falls from Cora’s face, she was not expecting that question. She had no idea what to expect really, all the spell said was that she would be able to conger up a past self. “Why do you think something is bothering me…you…um us?”

The younger version raises an eyebrow and shakes her head, “Hello you’re talking to yourself here. You cannot lie, I know what my face looks like when I lie.”

Cora bites her lip, “Do you know about Loki?”

“He’s in the dungeons, but that’s not what you want to talk about.”

Cora makes a face, but doesn’t bother to comment. Wringing her hands together, Cora looks at her younger self, “He hurt me so badly, he could have killed me…”

“And if he did?”

“I would be dead?” Cora questions not sure of what her younger self is trying to say.

“To you remember the conversation we had with Loki after the dance? He wasn’t lying when he said he loved us, I saw it in his eyes, but I was too…I was too stubborn. I didn’t want to forgive him so easily after all the pain he caused me. I didn’t mean to react the way I did, but when he told me to stay with him and just leave Thor, I don’t know something inside snapped. I was tired of having to prove my love to Loki and when he said, I just knew that yeah he loved me, but not the way I loved him. It hurt, it hurt a lot and that pain quickly turned into rage. His words didn’t mean anything to me and so I called him a monster, I called him the one thing he hated the most,” The younger version of Cora stares right at Cora, not once breaking eye contact as she speaks.

“I remember the look on Loki’s face when I told him that I hated him. I remember wanting to shove the words right back in my mouth as soon as I said them…I didn’t mean them. I was just so overwhelmed by everything. We were being attacked and then Loki just wouldn’t let me breath, he was suffocating me and I snapped. When Loki grabbed me that night, I was scared, terrified really, but I didn’t hate him. Even when I saw that my wrists were turning black, I knew that he didn’t mean it. He was hurt and so was I. I don’t think either of us were ready to admit our feelings back then. I wish that I never told Loki that I loved him ‘cause now I am not sure that what I felt back then was love.”

“I loved Loki,” Cora states glaring at her younger self. “I loved Loki then and I love him now!”

“You’re wrong. What you thought was love all those years ago was just the start. It was a bud just being planted and the sex…the sex was the water. Our feelings for Loki were always there, but they didn’t fully bloom into love, not back then.”

“I do not understand. I know what I felt-”

“When did you fall in love with Loki, huh? Was it before or after you heard him tell Thor he had feelings for you?” Cora opens her mouth and closes it. What was the answer? “See? Love was an idea put in your head, you liked the thought of it, but you didn’t feel it, well not the love Loki felt for you. Love came after your father’s death. Do you recall when you first saw Loki then in his chambers? It was the spark in his eyes when he realized you were real, that is when you first started to truly love him.”

“So we did love him back then?”

“Mmmm…did we?”

“Yes,” Cora’s voice is confidant as she answers and her younger self smirks.

“So why are you here? Shouldn’t you be talking to him?” Cora stares at her younger self and in the blink of an eyes her younger self disappears. Cora scrambles to her feet and she runs to Archer. Getting on her back, Cora rushes to the palace and she lets the stable boy put Archer in his pin. Running through the halls, Cora ignores the pain in her chest and shortness of breath. Cora has one designation in mind and when she gets closer the guard stare at her unsure of how to react. Stopping in front of them, Cora tries to talk while she catches her breath.

“I-is the Queen i-in?” Cora pants and the guards look at each other before they look at Cora. “I n-need to speak with h-her. It’s a-an emergency,” Cora pleads and one of the guards slips into the room. Cora takes the time to compose herself, feeling rather foolish that she almost let the Queen see her in such a state unladylike state. Now breathing properly, Cora stands up straight and she stands with her hands clasped in front of her. She keeps her head ducked down, her eyes on the ground as she waits. The door opens and Cora picks her head up. The guard motions for Cora to enter and she steps through the doors with a thankful nod to the guards.

“Cora? My dear girl, is everything okay?” Frigga comes rushing out of her bed chambers and over to Cora. “You look ill,” Frigga says and she wraps an arm around Cora’s shoulders leading her over to the couch. Sitting down Frigga pours Cora and herself a cup of tea and she rests a hand on Cora’s knee. “What is bothering you, child?”

Cora reaches out and grabs the cup of tea to keep her hands from tearing the other apart. Cora looks at Frigga, seeing the worry in her bright eyes. “I-I…” Cora closes her mouth and takes a deep breath, finding it hard to speak. Frigga watches Cora carefully and smiles softly. Setting her tea down, Frigga stands and walks over to her bookshelf. Cora watches in confusion as Frigga starts to gather books, setting them down on her desk before she moves to the other side of her desk and grabs what looks to be a journal. Frigga sets the journal on top of the book along with a green quill and a closed jar of ink. Cora takes a sip of her tea and sighs, feeling the warmth spread through her body. Frigga grabs a white clothes and ties the books all together in a neat pile along with the quill and ink.

Carrying the sack over, Frigga places it on the table in front of Cora. Frigga sits down on the couch, picks her tea back up and drinks it lightly before she turns her attention to Cora who is still confused. With a knowing smile, Frigga glances over at the books and then back to Cora, “It’ll help pass the time,” Frigga says and she watches as Cora’s eyes widen. Hidding her smirk behind her cup of tea, Frigga watches as Cora sets her own cup down and grabs the bundle of books. Cora opens her mouth to speak, but Frigga waves her off. “You have two hours.” Cora nods her head thankfully and hurries to the door. “Guards!” Frigga calls out and Cora moves out of the way as the guards walk in. “Take Lady Cora to the dungeons and retrieve her within two hours’ time,” Frigga orders and the guards bow before they motion for Cora to follow them.

Cora walks between the guards with her head held high, her shoulder squared and her back straight. Her steps are small and sure as she gets closer to the entrance to the dungeons. Cora’s heart starts to beat rapidly in her chest, but she keeps her face void of any emotion that will give away her true feelings, settling for a look of indifference. The guards soon stop in front of the doors that hide the stairwell to the dungeons. Cora keeps quite as the guards explain to the guards on watch why they are there. The guards on watch look at Cora and bow before they grab the handles and pull the doors open. “Two hours,” one of the guards’ reminds Cora and hands her the key to Loki’s cell. Cora gives a curt nod and takes the key before she steps through the doors.

The stairwell is lit by torches and Cora takes careful steps as she descends lower and lower beneath the palace. Her foot falls echo throughout the large room and when Cora reaches the bottom of the stairwell, her breath is taken from her. Cora has never been to the dungeons before, she had no idea that it would look so…bland. It saddens Cora to know that Loki will stay down here, she hopes that her visit as well as the books will make the time fly by quicker. Cora walks down the middle of the cells, glancing into each one from the corner of her eyes as she searches for Loki. Most of the cells are empty, but a few have others in them. When they see Cora, they all jeer and shout vulgar comments as she passes. In doing so the prisoners catch the attention of Loki and he stands up from his cot to see what all the fuss is about.

Standing by the magic glass, making sure not to touch it, Loki peers out into the walk way searching for whatever is making the others say such awful things, clearly it is a women, but who? A small figure comes into view and Loki’s breathe catches in his throat, “Cora?” Cora’s head turns to the side and she stops right in front of Loki’s cell.

“My Prince,” Cora greets and bows deeply. Loki watches as Cora walks forward and the light from his cell catches the key in her hand. Cora says nothing as she uses the key and disarms the magical force field around Loki’s cell. Cora steps inside and the field goes right back up. Seeing the confusion in Loki’s eyes, Cora smiles softly, “In two hours’ time the guards will come for me,” Cora explains and Loki stares at Cora saying nothing. Cora looks around Loki’s cell and Loki watches as she moves around touching what little he has. “Frigga sends her love,” Cora says and holds out her hands.

Loki takes the bundle from Cora’s hand and unties the knot. The cloth falls and Loki smirks seeing the stack of books, but it is the quill and ink that gives him the most joy. “Am I to waste away reading?” Loki questions and Cora rolls her eyes.

“I can return them and leave you with nothing,” Cora offers and Loki scarfs. Setting the books down on the little table beside his cot, Loki walks the short distance to Cora and stares down at her. “How long are you to be kept here?”

Loki reaches up and lightly grabs Cora’s chin with his thumb and index finger, “Do not worry about such trivial things,” Loki whispers and he tilts Cora’s face up so that she is looking into his eyes. Loki sees the tears and he brushes them away with his thumb as they fall. “Oh, darling,” Loki chuckles sadly and Cora pushes his hand off of her face, lacing their fingers together.

“I…I-” Cora takes a shaky breath and she forces herself to calm down thinking of what she wants to say, what she needs to say. Her watery brown eyes stare up into Loki’s dark and tired green orbs, “Three years…w-why didn’t you come home? Why didn’t you come back to me?” Cora’s voice quivers as she speaks and Loki says nothing, knowing she has more to say. Cora smiles, but there is no happiness in it, only sorrow. “I cried, I screamed…I thought of joining you,” Cora admits looking away from Loki not wanting to see his face.

“Cora…” Loki’s heart clenches in his chest, how can he respond to that? To know that his death caused Cora so much pain to want to end her life, Loki’s throat becomes dry at the thought.

“Why did you leave me alone?” Cora cries and she curses herself as tears spill from her eyes like small rivers. Without a word, Loki pulls Cora into his arms and he holds her tightly, slowly sinking to the floor when Cora’s legs give out from underneath her. Wrapped in each other’s arms, Cora sobs and Loki litters kisses to Cora’s hair whispering how sorry he is over and over again.

“I thought you dead,” Loki tells Cora once her tears have run out. “I had no one by my side. I could not stand to see you laying in that bed because of me. It killed me,” Loki rants, his body shaking as his emotions take over.

“I tried to save you,” Cora whispers and Loki closes his eyes inhaling the scent of her hair.

“I know…I know that now. On the bridge I thought you were a figment of my imagination.”

“I mourned you,” Cora picks her head up off of Loki’s shoulder and stares into his eyes. “I mourned you night and day.” Loki’s lip turn up into a pitiful smile and he presses his lips right between Cora’s eyes.

“I know you did. You were the only one.”

“No!” Cora protests and she shakes her head. “They mourned you, Loki. Your family mourned you,” Cora insists and Loki dismisses her claim.

“They only care when you are dead,” Loki states and Cora frowns, she can hear it in his voice, Loki really believes his words. Seeing the disappointment in Cora’s eyes, Loki sighs and runs his fingers though her short hair. “I do not like this. Why did you change it?” Loki asks changing the subject to something less serious.

Cora touches her hair and makes a face at Loki’s question, “It reminded me of you,” Cora mummers and Loki bites his tongue to keep himself from saying anything nasty. Cora notices the look in Loki’s eyes and continues to explain her meaning. “You always played with my hair, ran your fingers through it, petted it…I remember you braiding it once too,” Cora jokes lightly and Loki groans twisting his face up.

“You swore you would never speak of that,” Loki grunts and Cora laughs softly. “That still does not explain why you went and chopped it all off, not to mention you changed the color. Why would you do such a thing? Did you hate me”

“No…I can never hate you. I tried to change who I was. I thought that if I could be someone else, it wouldn’t hurt so badly…”

“It worked?” Loki predicts and Cora shakes her head.

“No, it still hurt in the end.”

Loki sighs and twirls a strand of Cora’s hair around his finger, “I’ll get used to it,” Loki promises and Cora shakes her head. With a wave of her hand, the blond is replaced with honey brown and Loki’s eyes widen in shock. “You’ve been practicing,” his voice is amazed and Cora giggles.

“I’ve had three years,” Cora states and Loki frowns slightly, but quick smirks.

“Show me,” Loki demands and he jumps up to his feet, pulling Cora up with him. “What else have you learned?”

“A lot.” Loki turns on his heel and he smirks impressed with the clone of Cora behind him. The clone walks around Loki and stands beside Cora with a smirk on its face. Turning to face the two, Loki grins, clearly pleased. Cora snaps her fingers and the clone vanishes in a purple shimmer of light. “Tell me, my prince…do you still fancy me in white?” Cora questions and as she speaks a purple glow creeps over her body, from the shoulder’s down. The glow fades and Loki is now fully smiling. Clasping his hands behind his back, Loki walks around Cora admiring her from every angle in her new white gown. Loki takes in the clean white fabric, the elaborate golden designs and patterns and the amount of flesh that the gown reviles to his hungry eyes.

Stopping behind Cora, Loki steps forward and places one hand on her waist while he trails the other up her bare arm. “White still suites you well, my darling,” Loki whispers and he smirks. Tighten his hold on Cora’s waist, Loki pulls her body flat against his and she gasps feeling his hard chest underneath his shirt. Dipping his head down, Loki trails his nuzzles his nose on the back of Cora’s neck, before he glides it along her right shoulder. “It suites you very well,” Loki mummers, lifting his head slightly so that his lips are now ghosting over Cora’s skin. Cora shivers and bites her lip, breathing deeply through her nose. Placing airy kisses along her shoulder, Loki leaves a tingling trail behind as he kisses up the side of Cora’s neck.

Tangling his free hand in Cora’s hair, Loki tightens his hand into a fist and yank lightly on Cora’s hair making her inhale sharply. Loki chuckles against Cora’s neck and goose bumps appear on her skin making Loki smirk. Slowly, Loki slides the hand on Cora’s waist up her stomach to between the valley of her breasts, making sure to let his fingertips linger of the curve of Cora’s breast through the sheer fabric that leaves very little to the imagination. “I have to admit dear,” Loki rests his chin on Cora’s shoulder and tugs on her hair making Cora turn her head so that she is looking at him the best she can. “While white is stunning on you, I do enjoy you in my colors,” Loki purrs and Cora’s body is engulfed by a green glow. “Mmmm,” Loki’s hand slides up to Cora’s neck and he grins. “This is much better.”

Removing his hand from Cora’s hair, Loki lets his hand drop to Cora’s shoulder and Cora looks down seeing that the white and gold gown has been replaced by a silk gown in different shades of green with gold accents. Bringing his lips to Cora’s ear, Loki flicks his tongue over Cora’s earlobe and nips at it playfully, “Do you like it?” Loki’s voice is low and husky and Cora bites her lip finding it hard to give him a proper answer. Loki places his hands on Cora’s waist and he starts to hum a soft tune, swaying from side to side with Cora pressed against him. A smile pulls at Cora’s lip as she recognizes the song. Turning around in Loki’s arms, Cora wraps her arms around Loki’s neck and links her hands together.

Loki stares down into Cora’s eyes and he leans down, pressing their foreheads together. Loki continues to hum and Cora closes her eyes enjoying the intimate moment in Loki’s embrace. Loki takes hold of one Cora’s hands and he lances their fingers together, Cora opens her eyes and she watches as Loki rests their interlocked hands on his chest above his heart. Tilting her head up slightly, Cora’s lips brush against Loki’s chin and he chuckles. Bowing his head, Loki slowly starts to close the distance between their lips. “Loki,” Cora wines and Loki smiles loving his name fall from her lips.

“Yes?” Loki breaths, his voice taunting as his lips ghost over Cora’s. Grabbing Loki’s tuffs of hair in her hand, Cora pushes Loki’s head down and presses her lips to his in a tender kiss. Loki’s eyes shut on impact and he moans, he forgot what she tasted like. Running his tongue along Cora’s bottom lip, Loki asks for permission to deepen the kiss and Cora parts her lips.

Someone clears their throat loudly making Cora and Loki both pull apart with a start. The illusion of Cora’s dress vanishes and she’s once again in her nude colored gown. Cora and Loki turn to see who has interrupted them and Cora’s eyes widen in horror when she sees Odin standing in front of the cell with at least twenty guards flanking him. “Oh to what do I owe this most unfortunate visit to?” Loki sneers and Cora is quick to grab hold of Loki’s hand. She squeezes it tightly and Loki resists the urge to look back at her.

“Cora say farewell to my son-”

“I am not your son!” Loki shouts and Cora jumps at the sudden rage while the guards around Odin raises their spears. Odin doesn’t even flinch at Loki’s outburst nor does his take his eye off of Cora.

“Loki…” Cora whispers, her voice dripping in sorrow, it has not been two hours yet, how did Odin find out? Loki spin on his heel fearing that he hurt her again. Loki grabs hold of Cora and looks her over seeing no evidence that he hurt her. “Loki…my love,” Cora’s voice wavers and Loki’s face turns emotionless. Cora’s eyes sadden, but she refuses to cry. Loki drops his hands to his sides and Cora cups his cheek in her hands forcing Loki to look at her. “Don’t go completely insane,” she mummers softly with tears in her eyes. Loki stares at Cora with broken eyes and she sighs sadly. Standing on her tip toes, Cora presses her trembling lips to Loki’s lightly, “I…” Loki grabs hold of Cora’s wrists and pulls her hands from his face.

Cora stares at Loki helplessly, “This is goodbye,” Loki whispers and he crashes his lips into Cora’s for the last time. “Go.” Loki pulls away from Cora and she stares at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Loki forces a smile and kisses Cora’s knuckles, “It’s okay,” Loki reassures and Cora can sees the lies in his eyes. Loki lowers his arms and Cora starts to walk away, their hands slip more and more until their hands are no longer holding onto the other. Loki watches Cora walk backwards towards the force field. He watches at her posture straightens up and all emotion is wiped clean from her face, her eyes dull, but strong. Loki gives her a curt nod and she turns her back facing Odin and the guards. One of the guards opens the cell and Cora steps out.

As the force field starts to reclose, Loki watches Odin’s every move like a hawk. Odin holds up an arm for Cora to stand beside him and it is there that Loki notices it. The subtle twitch of Odin’s other hand. Loki narrows his eyes at Odin and bites his tongue as Cora walks over to Odin. When Cora is within reach, Odin lashes out and backhands Cora’s across the face. With a cry, Cora falls to the floor from the force of the hit and Loki glares at Odin. Pushing herself up slowly with her arms, Cora lifts her head up and Loki’s composure nearly disintegrates when he sees the blood dripping from Cora’s nose. With no words at all Cora wipes her nose with the back of her hand, her blood smearing onto her skin.

Odin glares down at Cora, “If I find you down here again child I will not hesitate to throw you out of Asguard, but not before I have you watch him-” Odin points to Loki, not once taking his eyes off of Cora as he speaks. “Be beheaded in front of the court,” Odin threatens and without another word, Odin leaves not even looking at Loki. The guards follow after Odin, but two stay behind. They reach to help Cora up, but she pushes their hands away from her. Cora stands on her own and the guards grab hold of her arms tightly.

“Move,” they order and shove Cora forward. She stumbles forward, but doesn’t fall due to the guards’ tight hold. With anger set deep in his blood, Loki watches as Cora is lead away, her blood left behind in front of Loki’s cell.