Southern Constellations

"So why'd you move so far away?"

"Huh?" I asked, looking up from the worksheet that the teacher had passed out.

"I mean, San Diego's way out west," Alex said, rocking onto the back two legs of his chair. "Plus, the weather here's way shittier."

I shrugged, trying not to be obvious about how desperately I was scrambling for an answer. I mean, what the hell was I even supposed to say? That my dad...that my dad had tried to...no. Not now. I couldn't think about that now.

"Just needed a change of scenery," I finally said, trying to be nonchalant.

Alex nodded, seeming to think my answer was acceptable.

"Well, you should've picked somewhere better, because it sucks here," he said, rolling his eyes at the teacher at the front of the room.

Great, just great. Of all the places I could've gone to, I had to get stuck here.

"But don't worry, I know a few idiots that don't suck too badly."

Was he...offering to be my friend? I couldn't tell, what with the disinterested expression that still hadn't left his face. Although maybe that was just because he was in this awful class. I was sure that I probably looked the same way, considering that I was sitting in grade-level math, which I'd already completed twice. I guess that was the curse of private schools.

Alex yawned, rubbing his eye with his hand. I saw him sneak a glance at the clock, which was ticking away ever-so-slowly. It reminded me a little of Vic's inability to focus, no matter how much I tried to help him. Ugh, why did I have to keep thinking about him? He wasn't here. He wasn't here, he wasn't here, he wasn't here. But damn, did I wish he was. It wasn't that I didn't like Alex's constant mocking of the teacher under his breath as the poor guy droned on at the front of the room. It was kind of comforting to find someone as annoyed as I was with the whole preppy 'better-than-you' vibe that seemed to be oozing through the walls here. But as I sat there, absentmindedly finishing my worksheet, I knew that I wasn't really myself. It was all just another stupid facade, another face that I had to keep up. What difference did it make that now I was getting driven home in a sports car instead of walking back to an empty house to hide in my room? I didn't belong in either place, not really.

"Thank fuck, class is almost over," Alex sighed next to me, and I gave him a small smile. While I was glad to finally get out of here, chances were that I wouldn't know anyone in my next class. But I guess that was okay. After all, I'd gotten pretty used to being alone. These past few months had been a nice change of scenery, yet I'd been an idiot to think that they'd actually last.

I eyed the clock as the teacher reached the final point of his lecture, thrumming my fingers on the desk as I waited for the bell to ring. It was funny, because usually I was interested in schoolwork, even boring things like math. But now, it had barely been able to hold my attention. Although I was sure that I even cared. Should I?

I slid my schedule out from my bag, trailing my finger down the list of classes until I found my next one.

"Hey, d'you know where this is?" I asked Alex quietly.

He turned my schedule so that he could see it, and then nodded. "Yeah, Zack's in that class. I'll introduce you two."

I had no idea who the hell Zack was, but if he was friends with Alex then he couldn't be half bad. It was better than not knowing anyone.

When the bell finally rang, I shoved my textbook into my bag and slung it over my shoulder, following Alex out into the hallway. There was a crowd of kids, but nothing like at my old school. Everyone looked pretty much the same, a huge mass of perfectly manicured polo-wearing teenagers. Just the sight of if made me slightly nauseous.

Alex led me through the crowd toward the other end of the building, which really wasn't that far away. I was all too aware of how I stuck out like a sore thumb, despite my best efforts to blend in. I guess I'd never been very good at pretending; that was why I was here in the first place, wasn't it? Because I wasn't good enough at acting like everything was alright?

"Zack!" Alex called, cupping his hands around his mouth.
A tall guy whose muscles I could see bulging underneath his shirt from down the hall turned to wave at Alex, squeezing his way past a group of girls in tiny skirts so that he was standing right in front of us.

"Who's this?" He asked, jabbing a finger in my direction.

"Jaime," Alex answered, and I was a little impressed that he remembered my name. "He's new here."

"Cool," Zack said, giving me a quick once-over. I anxiously shifted on my feet, afraid that he'd be able to tell that I didn't belong here. That he'd realize how much of a charity case I was.

"Yeah, he's in Dreyer's class with you," Alex continued, oblivious to my mental panic.

"Well aren't you lucky," Zack chuckled sarcastically, turning back to face the direction that he'd come from. "C'mon, we're going to be late."

I said a quick goodbye to Alex before following Zack down the hall and into one of the smaller classrooms. It smelled weird inside, like the teacher had been indecisive about which air freshener to buy so they'd just used them all at once. It was clearly a science classroom, as there were little DNA models hanging from the ceiling. I tried to find a seat next to Zack, but he already had a lab partner. I ended up in the back with an annoyed-looking kid wearing all black and with bright red hair who was busy scrawling in a sketchbook, which was probably better than not having a partner at all. Although that was basically how it was anyways, considering how the kid wouldn't even talk to me.

As the bell rang and Mr. Dreyer took the front of the room, I began to daydream, unable to pay attention to the useless information being thrown at me. Because really, when was I actually going to need to know any of this? It didn't really matter. Nothing mattered. Anything important to me was back in San Diego.

I sat through the rest of Mr. Dreyer's class without doing anything except staring at the clock, and then did the same thing in the next few classes. The morning was scraping by at an unbearably slow pace, and I hadn't seen Alex since first period. I kept hoping to catch him in the hall, but why would things be so easy. I didn't see him again until I stopped at my locker before lunch, calling out his name as he passed by. He grinned and jogged over to wait as I stuffed some books into my locker and slammed the metal door, then led me towards where I presumed was the cafeteria.

It wasn't very big, but the spotless tiled floor and tables so clean that they were practically sparkling gave off an even further aura of superiority. A mold that I could never fit.

But I was getting better at pretending.

Alex's friends sat at a table in the corner, the only one in that wasn't completely full. I scraped back a chair next to Alex, who sat by a scrawny kid who was laughing his ass off at something. Zack was there too, along with a stocky guy with a buzz cut. I didn't want to interrupt whatever it was that they were talking about, so I silently slid my lunch out of my bag and started to munch on a sandwich. It was weird, having a packed lunch. Almost as weird as actually having food in the house.

The skinny kid cleared his throat, flicking a piece of black hair out of his eyes. "So who's the Mexican?"

Alex snorted, introducing me before I could even respond.

"I'm Jack," the other kid replied. "And that idiot over there is Rian."

I nodded, swallowing the piece of bread that seemed to have been stuck in my throat.

"So how are you liking this wonderful school?" Jack asked, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

I shrugged. "It's okay, I guess."

Rian chuckled. "You don't have to lie, we all hate it here too."

I grinned at this, and some of the other guys even started to laugh. They soon lapsed into stories about ridiculous things that their teachers had done and what their parents had yelled at them about the night before. It was nice, not having to talk for a change. Although I sort of felt like an alien to the conversation, considering that all the stories I had to tell came straight from nightmares. Don't get me wrong, I was happy to be with them. Glad to have friends again.

I just couldn't shake the feeling that I wasn't myself, not anymore; not like I'd been with Vic. I was all too familiar with tucking myself away in order to blend in; except now I wasn't sure how much of the real me was still left behind all the smoke and mirrors.