Southern Constellations

Five more minutes.

Five more minutes until the numbers on the clock would read that it was ten. Five more minutes until I could use the phone that I clutched in my hand. Five more minutes until I would hear his voice.

I began to pace in my room, suddenly becoming increasingly nervous. It didn't make sense; I'd been looking forward to this all day. But now...what if it was just awkward? What if he didn't even want to talk to me? What if he'd already moved on?

I hadn't talked to Vic for a few days; I'd been on a plane the entire day after I left, and I'd slept all of yesterday per doctor's orders. I shuddered at the thought of those white coats, the burning smell of antiseptics. I hadn't been out of the hospital for long, yet sometimes it felt like I'd never even left at all. Like the next time I opened my eyes, I'd be back there under those awfully itchy sheets with nurses constantly hovering over me, trying to fix something that was broken beyond repair.

I looked over at the clock again. Ten o'clock. Fingers slightly shaking, I slowly dialed the number that I knew by heart. I could hear my pulse thumping in my ears as the phone started to make that awful ringing sound.

Pick up. Please, pick up.

I heard a clicking sound, and then a somewhat staticky voice crackled through the speaker.

"Hello?"

I huge sigh of relief escape my lips, and I realized that I'd been holding my breath. It was him. It was really him.

"Hey, um, it's me," I said, fumbling for things to say. "It's Jaime, I mean."

I cringed, hating how clumsy I sounded. I'd been rehearsing what I'd say for the past hour for this exact reason: I knew I was going to screw up. Yeah, I messed up most things I did. But with Vic, it just made it even worse. I just couldn't disappoint him again.

I heard chuckling from the other end, and I bit my lip, unsure of whether it was a good or bad sign.

"Of course it's you," he snorted. "Who else would it be?"

I felt the color flushing to my cheeks, and I was glad that he couldn't see me. Why did I have to be so goddamn awkward?

"I dunno, I mean, um--"

"Jaime," Vic interrupted, laughing. "It's okay."

I smiled, and then realized that he couldn't tell. "Thanks," I said, cradling the phone against my ear as I sank down to sit on my bed. "It's nice to hear from you."

"Same," Vic said, pausing for a second before continuing. "It's only been a few days, but it feels like forever."

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

He cleared his throat somewhat unsuredly, then asked, "So, did you start school yet?"

"Today was my first day," I replied. "It was...I dunno, I guess it was okay."

I didn't want to worry him, but I didn't really feel right lying to him either. That was the reason why I was in this whole mess in the first place; I was too much of a coward to tell him the truth.

"Don't worry, you got time. I'm sure it'll get better."

I felt slightly reassured at his words, yet they couldn't quiet all of the doubts still flitting through my head.

"Everyone here's such a preppy dipshit. I didn't even know it was legal to use that much hair gel."

"Freaking private schools, man," Vic chuckled. "That's nuts."

"You don't know the half of it," I said, smirking. "There are also a few kinda weird kids, I think they might've let me into their cult or whatever."

"What the hell?" Vic laughed.

"I'm not kidding!" I said, a smile playing at my lips. "It's like the fucking Breakfast Club or some shit, except they all look like they walked straight out of church."

I could hear Vic laughing into the phone, and I felt my heart flutter a little in my chest. This could work. It may not be the best arrangement, but it could work.

I heard a fumbling noise from the other end of the line, and then a string of choice curse words.

"Jaime! You there?" The voice was loud, like whoever it was was trying to swallow the microphone.

"I'm here..." I answered slowly, arching my eyebrows.

There were more shuffling sounds, then Vic's muffled shout of, "Goddamnit Mike, give me the phone back!"

I could just imagine Mike standing there holding the phone above his head so Vic couldn't reach it, that adorable little idiot.

"Hey Mike," I said, laughing.

"What's up, man?" he asked, and I could here Vic still struggling with him in the background.

"Nothing much, really," I replied.

"Other than the fact that it's freezing out here."

"Ha," Mike teased. "Eighty degrees here, bitch!"

"Shut up!" I said, snorting.

"Get off of me!" Mike snapped, and it took me moment to realize that it wasn't directed at me. "Sorry, your boyfriend's being clingy."

I smirked. "Yeah, that would be him."

"Well, I'll leave you two lovebirds alone now. Just make sure the phone-sex isn't too loud, okay? I've still gotta finish some work."

I could here Vic's audible groan of annoyance, yet I couldn't help but smile. Mike was an asshole, but I still missed him at the same time.

"Sorry about that," Vic said, sounding irked and a little embarrassed.

"It's fine," I replied, trying to reassure him. I knew how easily he got uncomfortable about these things, especially if he thought it bothered me.

"God, he's such a dick," he grumbled.

"Oh c'mon, he's not that bad," I said, giggling slightly.

"Well that's just because you don't have to live with him."

"I'll give you that one," I chuckled. "So how are things back in the west?"

"Eh, same old," Vic answered. "Just school and shit."

"How's Tony doing? I haven't talked to him yet."

"He's good, actually. That reminds me, he wanted me to tell you that he says 'hi'."

"Then I guess tell him I say 'hi' back," I replied, a little confused. "How the hell am I even supposed to answer that?"

"Hell if I know, I'm just passing on the message."

Presently, Vic inhaled deeply, then let out a long sigh. "Fuck, I have to go. I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"I'll be waiting," I said, pressing my lips together into a thin line. I didn't want him to go. Not yet.

Not ever.

"Listen, I know you're far away now, and I know things are different, but I just...I still love you, okay?"

His voice cracked at the end, almost as if he was trying not to cry. Which, in fact, happened to be the same thing I was doing.

"I love you too," I replied, wincing as I heard the click on the other end.

I walked across the room to put the phone back in its cradle in the hallway, but found myself pausing in the middle of the soft blue rug covering the floor. For some reason, I just didn't want to put the phone back, almost as if Vic's presence was somehow preserved inside of it.

I turned around, going back into my room and flipping off the lights on my way to the bed. I slowly pulled back the blankets, crawling under them. It really was cold, which I wasn't used to at all.

I held the phone against my chest, replaying Vic's voice in my head as I so often had before. Sometimes it was the only thing that got me through the night, especially when that night involved my dad coming home wasted. Now, it was enough to ease my fear of nightmares to at least be able to close my eyes, to not be afraid of thinking about what had happened.

Just three words, three simple words. How is it that three syllables can make such a difference?

I love you.

"Forever," I whispered, closing my eyes and allowing sleep to take me.