A Thousand Words

"Daddy?"

"Yes sweetie?"

"Do you know what today is?"

"What's today?"

"It's mommy's birthday."

Patrick froze, swallowing hard. He glanced over at Erica, whose eyes had widened at the words, but otherwise looked normal while Patrick was pretty sure his face showed just how shocked he felt. He quickly schooled his features before he was turning to face his oldest daughter, Willow. "You're right baby. Today is mommy's birthday."

Willow grinned widely as she held out her Hello Kitty backpack. "I even have a present for her. Can we please go visit her?"

"I don't know swe-"

"Please daddy? Please, please, pleaseeee?" Willow pouted.

Patrick closed his eyes for a second, taking a few deep breaths. He jumped slightly when he felt someone grabbing his hands, opening his eyes to see his sister smiling sympathetically at him. He gave her hand a small squeeze before he nodded his head. "Alright. We can go visit mommy."

"Yay!" Willow exclaimed as she bounced on the balls of her feet before she was setting her backpack on the floor so that she could scramble up onto Patrick's lap, wrapping her arms around his neck. "You're the best daddy!"

Chuckling weakly, Patrick wrapped an arm around his daughter's waist, pressing a kiss against the top of her head. "You better never forget that. Go tell your sister to get ready so we can go."

Willow pressed a smacking kiss against Patrick's cheek as she climbed off his lap, running out of the room.

"Fuck," Patrick murmured, rubbing his forehead as he slumped down in his seat.

"You don't have to do this. I can take the kids," Erica suggested softly.

"No. I need to do this. Get it out of the way."

Erica nodded sadly, standing up from her chair. "I'll go get Mason up from his nap and make sure the girls are getting ready," she stated, giving Patrick's shoulder a comforting squeeze before heading upstairs.

"Thank you," Patrick whispered, even though he was sure that she hadn't heard him. He was just grateful that she was here for this. He knew that he wouldn't be able to do it without her.

He slowly got to his feet, grabbing the backpack off the floor to go and greet his children. There was Willow who was the oldest at eight and the spitting image of Patrick. Same blonde curls and big blue eyes. She was tall for her age and wanted to be a ballerina. Next there was Daisy at age six who had Patrick's blonde hair, but her mother's bright green eyes with a smattering of faint freckles across the bridge of her nose. She idolized Sharpy and wanted nothing more than to play in the NHL. And finally there was Mason at three, who looked exactly like his mother. Same auburn hair, same bright green eyes. It made Patrick's chest hurt every time he looked at his son.

But now was not the time to be melancholy. He needed to put on a brave face for his kids. He didn't want them to see him hurt and upset.

"Ready to go?" he asked as he held the backpack out to Willow so that he could take Mason from Erica.

"Ready!" Willow and Daisy stated enthusiastically, bouncing on the balls of their feet.

"Weady," Mason murmured, less enthusiastically as his sisters, leaning his head against Patrick's shoulder.

Smiling weakly, Patrick pressed a kiss against his son's temple before he was leading everyone out of the house.

The car ride was mostly silent, the only sound that filled the car was the sound of Willow and Daisy chatting quietly with each other.

"You still sure about this?" Erica questioned softly once they had reached their destination.

"Little too late to turn back now, isn't it?" Patrick stated quietly as he climbed out of the car, going to let the girls climb out before he was taking Mason out of his car seat.

"Are you coming with us daddy?" Daisy questioned.

"I will in a minute. You look after your brother, okay?" Patrick said as he set Mason down on the girl.

"We will!" Willow promised as she grabbed one of her little brother's hands as Daisy grabbed his other hand before walking off.

Patrick let out a shaky sigh, slipping an arm around Erica's waist when she came to stand next to him. "They grow up so fast, don't they?"

"Mhm," Erica hummed in agreement as she leaned her head against Patrick's shoulder. "I see a lot of you in them. But I can see a lot of Natalie in them too."

Smiling sadly, Patrick nodded his head. "Yeah, I think they got my bad parts and her best parts."

"Oh come on Patty. We both know that's not true. They got some of your best parts too. Like how kind and loyally and sweet you are."

Patrick just hummed softly, watching his children. They were now sitting down on the ground, Willow pulling out a jar from her backpack that made Patrick laugh.

The jar had started way back when Patrick had first found out he was going to be a father. Jessica had told him of an idea of a wish jar that one of her friends had done when she had found out she was pregnant. It was just a jar that she and her husband had decorated and each day they put a little piece of paper in the jar with a wish they had for their child. Patrick had loved the idea and with his sister's help, they had created a monster of a wish jar that was covered in glitter, stickers, ribbon, and lace.

Instead of a piece of paper, Patrick found some silver star confetti to throw into the jar. And each day, he made sure to put a piece of confetti into the jar, wishing for something new. Wether it was that he was going to be a good father or the baby was going to be healthy.

The trend had continued after Willow had been born, a handful of new wishes to make. Then another baby was on the way and then a third time, each time a new set of wishes arose. And once Willow was old enough, Patrick told her all about the wish jar and she had started to put in her own pieces of confetti. And when Willow had deemed Daisy old enough, she had told her about the jar and Patrick was sure once Mason was old enough, his sister's would let him in on the family tradition.

Though, it had been a long time since Patrick had put a piece of confetti into the jar. Close to two years, not that he was counting.

"I can't believe they still have that thing," Erica stated in awe, shaking her head. "It's still ugly as ever."

"They love it. Though, we had to set up some rules for it. Like no wishing for people to get hurt or sick and no wishing that you were an only child."

Erica laughed softly. "I would have totally wished to be an only child if we had one of those things when we were younger."

"That's because you're an evil person," Patrick stated, bumping his hip against hers.

"Rude," Erica murmured as she bumped Patrick in return.

He smiled lightly, removing his arm from around his sister's waist so that he could walk over to his children who were gesturing wildly at him.

"It's your turn daddy," Willow stated once he had reached them, kneeling down next to her.

"My turn for what?"

"To make a wish!" Daisy explained, holding a piece of confetti out to him.

He let her set the piece of confetti into the palm of his hand, curling his hand into a fist around it. "I don't kn-"

"You have to do it, daddy!" Willow exclaimed. "I thought that we could start a new jar. One that we made. We could leave this one with mommy since she helped make it. And since you helped make it, you should have the last wish."

Patrick swallowed past the lump in his throat, pressing a kiss against his oldest daughter's forehead. "God. When did you get so smart?"

"I've always been smart."

Letting out a weak laugh, he nodded in agreement. "That you have. Go wait with your Auntie Erica and I'll be over in a minute."

"Kay."

Patrick watched as Willow gathered her sister and brother up, leading them back to where Erica was standing. Licking his lips, he slowly uncurled his fingers to stare down at the piece of confetti. He slowly opened the jar, brushing the confetti into the jar before he was looking skyward, speaking.

"I wish that you were still here. I wish that you were here to help me raise the kids. I wish you could see how big they've gotten and how amazing they are. They do something to amaze me each and every day. I wish that the girls had a mommy to help do their hair, though I have managed to master a simple ponytail. I wish that Daisy and Mason remembered you. That they got to know you. I wish that Willow had better memories of you. That she didn't have to see you sick. I wish that I had been best friend back. I wish I had the love of my life back. I wish that I didn't hate you for leaving me alone. But I know you didn't do this on purpose. I'll never forget you and I will always love you."

"Daddy?"

Patrick quickly scrubbed at his face, trying to get rid of the tears, but it was no use. He smiled weakly as he glanced over at Willow who had joined him. "Y-Yeah baby?"

Willow didn't say anything, just threw her arms around his neck, burying her face against his chest as she sobbed softly.

Patrick wrapped his arms around her tiny waist, rubbing her back gently as he let her cry for a few moments.

"I-I miss mommy," Willow whispered, sniffling softly.

"Me too baby, me too."

Willow pulled back, face red and nose running as she pressed a kiss against Patrick's cheek. "Can we get some ice cream now?"

"Of course we can," Patrick answered, removing an arm from Willow's waist so that he could move the jar closer to the headstone, brushing his fingers over the inscription.



He wrapped his arm back around Willow, lifting her off the ground as he stood to his feet, Willow tightening her arms around his neck and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"I love you mommy," Willow whispered, blowing a kiss towards the headstone.

"Love you Nat," Patrick murmured, copying his daughter's gesture before he was heading back to the car.

"You okay?" Erica asked once they were close, dapping at her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Patrick answered. And for the first time in a while, he wasn't lying.