"A Little Bit of You in All This"

Josh paced the floor of the studio holding an open notebook filled with crinkled and folded pages in one hand and an uncapped pen in the other. He hummed aloud to himself as he crisscrossed his path in front of the chair where Matt was sitting, watching him and growing increasingly more frustrated as the hours dragged on. The guitarist set his acoustic instrument down on the floor, leaned back in his seat and yawned loudly. “Josh, give it up. It’s not gonna come to you tonight. We’ve been at this lyric writing thing all fucking day and we haven’t written more than five words. And you don’t even think those are very good. Just let it go and we’ll try again tomorrow.”
The singer stopped mid-step and turned to glare at Matt. “No fucking way, dude. I’m so close. I know I can get this tonight. Help me! Don’t just sit there and stare at me.” Josh held his notebook out to Matt and dropped down into the seat across from the younger man. He swiveled around in a circle several times, as if the move would somehow clear his mind, rather than just make him dizzy.
Matt yawned again, raising the notebook to cover his mouth. “Dude, it’s like, two o’clock in the morning. I wanna go home. I’m tired of this. I can’t think anymore.” His eyes skimmed over lines of crossed out words as he flipped the pages. The two had been trying to write this new song for weeks, but had only truly officially started working hard on it somewhere around lunchtime that day.
“What was wrong with this line again?” Matt asked Josh, sticking his foot out to stop the singer from spinning counter-clockwise. Matt turned the notebook back toward Josh as he pointed out a string of random words on the third page.
“All my indecision, all of my excess, don’t you ever tell me I’m not loving you best,” Josh mumbled to himself as he read the words through the black pen line that ran across them. “Isn’t that a little…I dunno…hokey?” he asked Matt. “Blah, blah, blah, I’m a fuck-up but I’m doing the best I can, blah, blah, blah.”
“I dunno, man, I think that sounds like the best thing you’ve come up with so far,” Matt said leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
“That doesn’t say a whole hell of a lot for me, you know.” The singer took the notebook from Matt’s hands and tossed it across the room, wincing as it hit the wall, just barely missing one of his favourite guitars. “Jesus Christ,” he whispered in relief.
Matt sat up again and raised his eyebrows. “Chill, man. It’s not the end of the world. You’ll get it. But it’s really fucking late and I’m exhausted.”
“Well, I’m not! I’m wide awake and we need to get this done. Dude, we have a deadline to get this album done in three fucking months. Do you realize that’s in…like…THREE MONTHS?” Josh sat up in his chair and turned to face the sound board behind him. He repeatedly pushed the speaker button connecting the board to the recording area behind the big glass window that allowed him to talk to whoever was behind the microphone. At present, he was doing it out of frustration and boredom. No one but Josh and Matt had been in the building all day. They had no words and no music, which meant they had nothing to record.
“I know! I get it!” Matt reached over and picked up his guitar again, setting it on his lap. He strummed a few chords from a well-known song that he had taught himself to play years prior and sighed. “But you can’t just make it happen. You know how that goes. You’ve had to throw out entire songs before because they sounded too fake and too forced to you.”
“Yeah…I know. Just…fuck. I’ve put off writing this song for so long as it is because it’s a really fucking good idea, but the words just aren’t working.” Josh spun around in his chair again to face the rest of the room and stood. He walked the length of the floor to retrieve the notebook he had thrown and picked it up. He turned back to Matt and gave him a half-smile. “Thirty more minutes? If we don’t make some kind of headway by then, you can go home and get some sleep.”
“What about you?” Matt asked, still quietly playing single notes to keep himself awake and occupied. “When was the last time you slept?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know, dude!” Josh laughed and shook his head. He reached up to shove his hair back out of his eyes. “I’ve been refueling every couple of hours.” Gesturing to the table to his right, he pointed at all the empty cans of caffeinated drinks he’d consumed. That should have been two days’ worth, but knowing Josh, it easily could have been only what he’d had to drink since Matt had shown up around noon.
Matt’s eyes widened and he set his guitar down again, resting it against the wall to his left. “Good lord, Josh! That…that can’t be good for you.” He laughed and shoved a hand through his hair.
Josh mock groaned as he picked up a can and tossed it into the trash, as if that was equivalent to actually cleaning the place up. “Leave me alone with my addictions.”
Matt rolled his eyes and smiled. “I will for now. But only because you have twenty-seven minutes left to show me what you can come up with for that song before I fall asleep,” he said checking his watch.
“Okay, okay! I’m working on it! Umm…fine, we’ll go with the words you pointed out. You know, “…all my indecision…”.” Josh tossed the notebook back to Matt.
“I don’t know why you’re even asking for my help. You’re the lyricist! You’ve written every song we have and you’ve done great with it. You don’t need me for this.” The younger man shrugged, turning the page to the lyrics Josh had agreed on. He wasn’t trying to put himself, his abilities or his talents down. He simply wanted to point out that Josh truly was the brains behind the Marianas Trench lyrics and give credit where it was due.
The singer sat back down in the chair next to Matt and smiled at him. “Dude, I might write most of it, but as always, there’s a little bit of you in all this.”