This Is a Wasteland

*Vic’s POV*
I was really nervous driving home that evening. It wasn’t a very long drive, but it sure felt like it with how fast my mind was reeling. I was about to see Kellin and have dinner with him with my family. I had to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that I had done this exact same thing several times before. Maybe it had been over a year, but still.

I ended up getting there okay, and went up to knock on the front door. Wait a minute- this was my own house. I smacked myself internally and reached for my keys instead. I unlocked the door and went in, greeted by the scent of something cooking in the kitchen.

“Victor, is that you?” I heard my mom calling.

“Yeah,” I said, kicking off my shoes as I shut the door behind me. I went into the kitchen to find my mom stirring something in a pot. “Smells good, what is it?”

“It’s just a pot roast,” she shrugged. “How are you feeling?”

Right. I did just break up with Jaime.

“I’m feeling better. I talked to Jaime,” I told her.

“About what?” she wanted to know. I rolled my eyes. I loved this whole open communication thing with my mom, but sometimes it was just awkward.

“He wants to stay friends, so I guess that could work . . . right?” I shrugged.

“I guess,” she sighed. “As long as you’re okay with it- hey yell upstairs and tell everyone it’s time for dinner.”

I nodded and went to the bottom of the stairs and called up.

“Hey, come eat!” I shouted. The first person to respond happened to be Kellin, emerging from behind my bedroom door. I held my breath for a moment as his eyes met mine. He seemed surprised to see me.

“I didn’t know you were here,” he said, monotonously.

“I just got here,” I replied. “I just came for dinner-“

“Move!” Mike interrupted, suddenly pushing past Kellin and myself as he ran downstairs.

“Jeez,” I muttered, shoving him as he passed me.

“Hey, I’m hungry,” he said, defensively, playfully pushing me back.

“Hey, guys, cut it out,” my dad barked from over in the living room. Mike just laughed and continued into the kitchen.

Once everything settled down, I found myself sitting at our dining room table sitting next to Kellin. The set up felt strangely familiar, and it made me a little sad. It reminded me of how much fun we used to have every time he would come over. I wanted it back more than anything.

“Do you think you’re ready for your exams?” my dad wanted to know. I nodded.

“Yeah, I mean, I’ve done a lot of studying so, I should be good,” I assured him.

“What are you majoring in?” Kellin asked, attempting to contribute to the conversation.

“Um, music,” I told him. “But my classes right now are mainly Gen. Eds.”

He nodded to show that he understood, and then went back to his food. I kind of went back to my food as well, as the conversation kind of fell into a lull. I stayed quiet as my mom started talking about something she found a good deal on during her trip to the grocery store.

“So Vic, how are you dealing with the break up?” Mike suddenly asked. I looked up at him at about the same time as Kellin did, which made the question more awkward than it needed to be.

“I’m fine,” I shrugged. “He was upset, but we’re still on good terms.”

“I will never understand you two,” he chuckled, shaking his head. I frowned. What was that supposed to mean? And as if he’d read my mind or something, he added, “You guys can go from being best friends to being sworn enemies to being friends to being boyfriends to friends again all in the span of what? Less than two years? It’s a little weird.”

“It’s not that weird,” I shrugged.

“It’s pretty weird,” my dad teased. I rolled my eyes, then stole a quick glance at Kellin. He was staring down at his bowl, which was now empty. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, which worried me a little. What would he think about me breaking up with Jaime? Wasn’t he supposed to be happy?

“Thank you for dinner,” Kellin said, out of nowhere. He pushed back from the table and stood up, taking his bowl with him. “It was great, but I think I’m going to go to bed early tonight.”

“Is everything alright?” my mom wanted to know. He nodded and gave her a seemingly forced smile before dropping his bowl off in the sink. Everyone stayed quiet until we heard the sound of footsteps climbing the stairs.

“He did that last night, too,” Mike decided to point out. I decided not to say anything, but I had to admit I was disappointed. I wanted to talk to Kellin more. Actually, even if I didn’t get a chance to talk to him I would have loved to be able to just sit next to him for a while longer.

“Oh, leave him alone,” my mom said, brushing off Mike’s comment. “He’s been through a lot lately, I’m sure it’s exhausting.”

It was true- Kellin had been through a lot. His mom more or less disowned him, he got a sketchy job in return for a sexual favor, and he’d been seeing me more than he had in the past year. Everything was happening all at once, so I guessed he would have been really stressed. Still, I had half a mind to go upstairs and bother him some more.

Just when I convinced myself that I was going to go upstairs and check in on him, my mom was pulling me back into reality.

“Vic, answer me,” she snapped.

“What?”

“I bought ice cream for dessert, do you want any?” she wanted to know. I opened my mouth to refuse the offer, but just as quickly closed it. I didn’t want to seem too obvious with my intentions to talk to Kellin, so I just accepted.

“Sure, a little bit,” I shrugged. She smiled and got up from the table. She returned moments later with a container of ice cream, an ice cream scoop, and four bowls. I watched as she dished out each serving. I didn’t want to seem like I was rushing, so I just ate at a normal pace, only partially contributing to the conversation. I just couldn’t get Kellin out of my head- or the fact that he was upstairs . . . in my room. No. I needed to stop, this was all going way too fast. I just broke up with Jaime- I wasn’t supposed to even be thinking about anyone else yet.

On top of that, Kellin and I needed to build back out trust and – Oh, fuck that.

I ate the rest of my ice cream quickly, miraculously avoiding a headache from the coldness. After that, I got up from the table and put my dishes into the sink.

“Where are you going?” my mom wanted to know. I guess I forgot to excuse myself from the table.

“Oh, I just need to grab something from my room before I head out. I’ll be right back to say goodbye,” I told her, disappearing from her view before I got a chance to see her reaction. My heart was pounding louder than it should have as I took the stairs two at a time. That was probably a bad idea too, because I was almost out of breath by the time I reached the top.

I took a moment to gather myself before I knocked on the door.

“Who is it?” I heard Kellin call from inside. I quietly opened the door and stepped inside. He was seated on the edge of my bed, apparently in the process of pulling a night shirt on over his head. “Oh, hey.”

“Hi,” I said, awkwardly, shutting the door behind me. He stood up as I did so.

“So, did you really break up with Jaime?” he asked, right away. I bit my lip and nodded. “Good.”

And then before I knew what was even happening, he was lunging forward, attaching his lips to mine as if his life depended on it.