A New Life

As a young girl when you think about meeting the love of your life, you think about all the romantic movies you have seen, being weak at a simple touch, fireworks when you kiss, butterflies all the time, getting married one day, having kids and living happily ever after. You think that he will be you first and last everything but let us just be honest ladies that never ever happen. Half of us go through shitty dates after shitty dates and pointless hook up after pointless hook up until they real thing actually shows up. And then half the time we don’t realize it and we let them slip away. Then the other half of fall for the first guy that pays attention to us and we don’t even see the fact that he is actually scum. I was part of the second half.

When I was 13 I thought I had found the love of my life. His name was Christofer, he was a year older than me, he was in a band, he had that I don’t care attitude and I thought he was perfect. I mean come on at 13 we all want to be in love and when we do get that first boyfriend we think “Yeah this is it, this is the guy I will spent the rest of my life with.” My mom always tried to tell me he was no good but of course I didn’t listen. What teenage girl listens to their mom about love or anything for that matter? Damn, I sure wish I had though. If I would have listened to her my entire life would have gone differently. I think Willa would still have came at some point but way further into life when I was ready and would have had her with someone who actually cares about us but that’s not how this story goes.

After about a year or so we were still together except now He was 15 and I, 14. We thought we were so mature just after a few month of being together, mature enough to have sex. I want to say it was all his fault and he pressured me to do it but that’s not it. I wanted to, I wanted to feel like a women and prove my love to him. After we had done if for the first time, he wanted to do it all the time, I felt like it all he ever wanted to do. We used condoms most of the time and the other times he pulled out, I meant that works right? HA! Wrong, so so sooooo wrong.

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant like it was yesterday, It was nice October Friday in Miami, I had skipped school to go to the store and bought 4 different test, I went home and took all of them. They all said the same thing, positive. I want to say I was terrified, I want to say I broke down and cried but I didn’t, I was happy because I thought yeah my mom is going to mad but I am going to have a baby with the man I’m madly deeply in love with.

Chris and I had plans to hang out at his place after school, so when he got home from school, I happily skipped the few blocks to his house to tell him about everything so he could be as I was but this isn’t a story with that happy ending.

When I think back on it, It was so cliché how it happened, when I knocked on his door, he opened it up but didn’t let me in. He didn’t have a smile on his face like I did, I knew something was wrong. Even after all this time I can recall exactly what he said.
“Look Sof, This isn’t going to work anymore. I’m real sorry but I just think it would be better if we went our separate ways.” He did that stupid little thing where you like nudge your knuckle with the other persons chin and went back inside.

I just stood there, frozen. How could this happen? After I got it together, I ran home to my mom, the only person who would know what to do. Not once did she tell me I told you so or that she was mad. She was disappointed but she held me as cried for what seemed like days. When I finally calmed down we decided that we would tell my dad, family and close friends but no one else had to know.

Not even 2 weeks after everything we had moved to my abuela’s house in Spain. I home schooled while I was pregnant and I was completely finished before my baby was even born.

On June 13th at 1:32 in the afternoon Willamina Vada Cagle was born.

Before when I thought that Chris was going to help I wasn’t scared but now that I was going at this alone it was more than terrified. But when I held my little girl for this first time, all my worried washed away and I knew that everything would be okay.

After I turned 16 and Willa turned 1 my mom and I decided to move to London. We had always both adored it when we visited. We need a fresh start. London was just that.

We lived together while I got my cosmetology licenses, so she could watch Willa. After working for a sometime, I decided I wanted to get a place of our own for myself and Willa. Right after my 17th birthday, but before Willa turned 2, I found the perfect little flat for us. My dad had agreed to pay the rent for me so I wouldn’t be so stressed out. I tried to tell him no but he insisted. He was always one to spoil me, as well as my mom. Even though they weren’t together anymore and hadn’t been for a long time. They still loved each other. Neither one would admit it but I knew the truth. I mean he pays her rent for her as well for heaven’s sake.

Now I am 18, Willa is 3 and everything couldn’t be better. Well that’s a lie things could be a little better if Willa and myself had stable man in our lives. Its not like I haven’t tried to date because I honestly had but it is like as soon as the words “I’m a mom.” Come out of my mouth they going running for the hills and the ones who don’t run are just in it for the sex. So for now I will just wait for the right guy to come across my path. Maybe some day soon.