I Can't Save You From Yourself

I couldn't have slept, even if I wanted to. I tossed and turned, until eventually, I just stayed up and talked to him until three. And noticed something particularly interesting about him, though. He never seemed to get tired. My reason behind keeping him up was to be sure he wouldn't go waltzing down the hall to my parents bedroom and make his presence known just to get me into trouble. Since he seems like the kind of person to do that.

Eventually he insisted I sleep since according to him ‘School is actually important to me.’ so I did... Warily.

When I woke up sunlight lit up the room violet through the purple curtains over the balcony doors. I rubbed my eyes and sat up in bed. I closed my eyes and recalled the recent events. I recall talking to him and falling asleep. Though as my eyes flit around the room, it is now vacant and I am now alone. Where the hell did he go? Does he have no idea how much trouble he could get me into if my parents saw him?!

I flew from the bed and was looking everywhere in my room he could be. Until the balcony doors opened and he was stuffing a scruffy box of cigarettes and a lighter into his pocket. He looked up and acknowledged my presence.

“Cool it, your mom left this morning and drove your dad to work.” he waved me off and walked around me.

“What were you doing out there?” I ask following him.

He held up a red BIC lighter that he hadn't stuffed into his pocket yet, “Smokin out there so your bedroom doesn't reek.” he grinned smugly and opened my bedroom door and was already jogging down the staircase when I followed him out. 

“Can III haave soooome ceeeerrreeeaaalll?”, he called while bouncing down the stairs like a little kid, about as annoying as one, too.

“Sure you do that. I'm getting ready for school...” I muttered. Going back into my room and digging through my clothes. I found a baggy grey shirt and grey jeans. My typical Chuck's became an instant accessory. I carried them off to the bathroom and locked the door behind me and climbed into the shower. 

I secured myself into a towel while I stumbled out, stepping onto the fuzzy rug outside the shower, and the instantly cold air bit at my skin like acid.

I got dressed and dried my hair in a daze. Brushing through it as I walked down the stairs and found Billie seated happily at the island in the sunny kitchen. He was eating the cereal he'd requested before I took a shower and acknowledged my presence instantly and grinned cheekily before rising from his seat and rinsing his bowl and spoon and putting them away. Of course, his clothes still reeked. Well they always do so I don't know why I was expecting any different today. He still had the funny smell to him.

“You ready for school?” he asked grabbing his jacket and shrugging into it though I thought it was far to beautiful of a day out to wear a jacket, so I ditched mine in the foyer. I nodded and followed him outside and locked the door behind us. Taking a gracing look at my car before piling into the same passenger seat as the night before.

The drive to school went relatively quick and there was no conversation over the pounding Ramones CD that he was playing. He sung every song he could in the ten minute drive without hesitation. He cut the engine when we were parked in front of the school building.

I climbed out and retrieved my backpack from the passengers seat, looking at him in confusion, when instead of getting out and getting ready, he pulled out a blunt and lit up.

“Aren't you coming?” I asked him while standing on the sidewalk.

He shrugged “Y'know I told you this morning I'd only take you today because school was important to you. Not me. I'll see you in second period in Mr. Varner's class though if it will make you happy.” he sighed and ruffled his hair as he lit a cigarette.

"Do as you want, I'll be late if I don't go now. See you around, Armstrong!"

“It's not Armstrong. It's Ben!” he called out the window behind me. 

I laughed “Whatever.” and pulled open the front doors and walked into the zoo...

It was exactly the same as it had been the day prior... Maybe I expected something to change? A town like Rodeo, nothing changes, even though you expect it to. The Barbies, jocks, nerds, and the I-don't-care's were roaming the hall before first bell. I hurried to my locker anyways, wanting nothing more than to get to class early and avoid all attention from the surrounding students.

I spun the dial left and right a few times until the door clicked and I pulled it open. Shoving in the books I didn't need yet, and grabbing my biology text book and jamming it into my backpack. I shut the door and turned to head to my first class when I was met by a big figure. I looked upwards and instantly recognized him as Conner Bradley. He smirked down at me while leaning against my locker. First bell sounded and a good portion of the students cleared out to their classes leaving only a few digging through their lockers in a last ditch effort to find a pencil or finish last week's math test.

“What do you want Conner?” I sighed, trying my hardest to come off as a calm badass.

He laughed “Oh I just wanted to ask you if your busy tonight.” He inquired, his smile turned up cheeky.

I shrugged past him. “I thought that it was your Barbie girlfriend's job to fuck you.” I said.

His eyes darkened and he grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me back towards him “Yeah? Well who said there was anything wrong with a little change?” he grinned, his eyes full of rage and excitement.

“Pass.” I said pulling away from him as second bell sounded and we were the only ones in the hall.

“No no no. I don't think you get it, you don't get a option.” he growled yanking me back. I ducked out of his grip and stumbled back a few steps as he sauntered forward and took his chance to swing for me. I ducked while his fist swooped through the air, and I wondered silently what I'd ever done to piss him off.

I turned to run, but slipped, falling forward, I caught myself before I crashed face first into the tile. But Conner took advantage of his chance, and swung at me while I was down. They hit hard and hurt like hell.

Pressing my back against one of the faded blue lockers, I shielded myself, and shut down, praying my silence would save me. Through a crack in my arm, I could see the pot head I believed to be Mike walked in, talking to someone before smearing the remainder of his joint into the sidewalk and closing the door behind him. When he turned around he saw me in my light of weakness.

“Hey get the fuck off of her!” he shouted, charging forward like he was going to war, grabbing onto Conner's letterman jacket and slamming him against the lockers, making them all rattle. I felt panic swirling in my head and stomach, the pain in my ribs, all over me, and a pressure that was growing increasingly difficult to resist in my ears, my vision became speckled with black, and I passed out...



A lot can happen in fifteen minutes, I guess... I woke up on one of the cots in the nurses station at the school. There was a glass of water next to me on a table and the first thing I noticed was my head felt like hell. I clutched my throbbing skull as I pulled myself Into a sit and grabbed the water. Downing it and looking around the empty room. A long white sterile room lined with about five cots. White double doors at both end of the halls. I groaned and laid back. Looking up at the ceiling I recalled the bullshit cluster-fuck of events that had taken place in the hall while I'd been alone with Conner Bradley.

I vaguely recall Mike's presence and him slamming Conner against the lockers before I blacked out but nothing else. I tentatively touched my head to get a sense of where all the pain was actually originating from. I had a swollen eye, a bump on my left temple and various sore spots on my face which signaled bruises I'd see in the mirror tomorrow. I sighed and closed my eyes for a little bit. Trying to figure out why Mike had even bothered to save me.  The only conversation we had ever shared prior was me stuttering for an apology for running into him that one day at school. But really that was it.

I heard the double doors at the right end of the hallway open and three sets of anxious footsteps drew towards my bed. But I kept my eyes closed.

“Shit... I'll fucking kill Conner..” I recognized the voice to be Billie's and couldn't resist but open my eyes and see him, Mike and a nurse standing there. Holding out a ice pack towards me, I gratefully took it and laid it across my forehead.

“Oh shit are you okay, Chrissy?” Billie blurted out anxiously and instantly dropped into a crouch in front of my cot to look into my eyes. I'll bet I looked like the literal definition of shit right then...

I nodded “Yeah. I'm okay.” My voice sounded kinda scratchy, and the nurse left to get me another glass of water.

His worried expression eased a little though I couldn't tell exactly what he was so worried about me for anyways. I'm just the shy girl who had wanted to avoid me after those first days we'd made contact. Now he was worried for me?

Well I've never really had anyone be worried for me. My parents never needed to, they had my whole life planned out before me so they didn't need to worry about the flaws in me. That rebel makeup that completed me.

“Good thing Dirnt here was there to save you.” he chuckled. I raised my eyebrows in surprise “Dirnt?”

'Dirnt' laughed. “It's my nickname. Mike Dirnt, at your service Christian.” he grinned and held out his hand for me to shake. I took it and shook it warily. Mike was actually a pretty cool dude.

“Where's Tré?” Billie asked Mike.

“First period history.” Mike shrugged 

Billie nodded slowly and agreed. The nurse insisted I stay a little longer and I did, but eventually I did miss the fact that I might not even be attending any of my classes today. So Mike and Billie stayed and talked to me for that remaining hour. Which meant the world to me, that they did not abandon me and leave me alone to my thoughts.

“Well, hell... Tré'll be pissed if I ditch him and don't drive him home. I'll see you guys around.” Mike said, raising from his seat and heading down the hall after I'd thanked him again for sparing me. Though in some aspect, it had made me feel incredibly weak, but defined somehow... If that even makes sense. Billie offered to drive me home nonchalantly and I reminded him that he was my ride here so he had no choice. He smirked as he led the way out to the regular old black Camero I'd seen parked on the school grounds multiple times before. 

It seemed strange to go to school, and not attend a single class before heading home. I looked out the windows of his car in silence, contemplating what I'd do with the rest of my day, and more importantly, what'd I'd tell my parents.

The drive back, in many ways was a lot like the drive there. We listened to the Ramones and I shyly hummed along to one of the songs I knew well and before I knew it. We were parked in front of my house at two sharp in the fading light, storm clouds were taking over the sky. My parents weren't home and I almost offered to invite him in again for another movie but decided against it and thanked him again before walking towards the front door with a limp I tried to hide though I knew he was watching me closely through the windshield of his car. With his keen eyes, measuring my every stupid movement. I tried to ignore the paranoia and finally unlocked the door and stumbled inside. I heard his car door open and I shot a quick thumbs up out the door and heard it shut again.

“Have a nice evening Footloose.” he laughed as he backed out. I shot him a playful glare and stuck my tongue out at him as he sped off and turned off across the tracks. I nodded once before shutting the front door instead of standing there like a moron. I slung my backpack strap farther up on my shoulder and started up the stairs to my room to study for the history test on Friday.

Though it was only Tuesday, I figure that you can never be too prepared. And that was how I enjoyed the rest of my evening until mom and dad got back at six. Jabbering excitedly about things that went on at work to each other while I kept to myself like I do every evening. I don't really think my boring school life would interest them much anyways. I mean really? What is there that changes in the cycle?

You get up at the crack of dawn to go to school to study things for a test that you'll forget all about by the next week. Don't learn anything during school because you are too busy being bullied. That's life for us the teenagers. I really don't think parents remember what it's like to be in school...