I Can't Save You From Yourself

Given that daylight does not last forever, I had given up on reading. It had been around four sometime when I started and while I had however finished Wuthering Heights, I had only gotten in a few chapters of Romeo and Juliet. Though from how popular the book was, I already knew what happened without having to read it.

I was thinking about all that had happened today. Well, it's something I'd rather forget all together, but from the smug look Billie had given me today in history, tells me he's not going to let it go. Which I really don't see why he's making fun of me, he's the one who passed out over frog guts. 

I was anxiously awaiting our arrival into Los Angeles. Happy to put a little distance between me and Rodeo. I looked out the dark car windows, mom and dad had the radio on and a Queen song played. I had given up on trying to operate a cassette player in the dark so settled for listening along with them. At least, until my mom reached across and turned down the volume of the radio.

“Hey Chrissy, I never asked you how your day was.” my mom inquired. There was no escaping this and I had no reason to lie.

“Well, in biology, my new partner and I had to dissect a frog.” I said enthusiastically, trying to dissect something positive from the day.

My mom looked over the seat at me with a cocked eyebrow. Like she couldn't possibly understand why I was so enthused with that thought.

“And he... He passed out.” I murmured. Recalling the memory, smirking at the pale expression he had had. Unsure why I was being so bitter about it now.

My mom burst out laughing “Seriously?” she laughed and my dad chuckled “So who is your new lab partner?” my mom asked nonchalantly. Probably wondering who the poor woos was.

I sighed “Billie Joe.”

My mom got real quiet for some reason I cannot imagine. “As in Billie Joe Armstrong?” she asked.

I thought about that. Mr. Varner had called him Mr. Armstrong during history class on Thursday. 
“Mmhmm, I think so.”

My mom didn't say anything else for a few moments.
“Honey, you're not friends with him are you?” she asked with a worried tone. It stung that she wouldn't be happy for me if I was or not.

“What? No... He's a pot head, mom.” I explained.

My mom gave a light forced laugh. “Oh, okay, sweetie. Just wondering because well, he doesn't have the best reputation right now....” 

“Yeah I know.” I thought about it for a minute “You don't want him rubbing off on me.” I laughed about that, but it sounded a bit forced.

She did too, but for real “I'm glad you understand. Yeah, we don't need him to bring you down. The sweet little straight A's girl who's going to have a bright future.” she spun around in her chair and tapped on the tip of my nose. Seriously though, I may not like Billie or want to be associated with him in any way, but her words about me being so perfect were almost sickening. And they made the rest of the drive awkward for me. The days events kept replaying in my head again and wouldn't shut up. I couldn't sleep though. We were getting close to Los Angeles.

I looked out the windows for a while longer, when suddenly the dark streets were lit up with billions of lights on the horizon. I didn't need any road sign to tell me that that was LA. skyscrapers and buildings everywhere. Lights spread out of every color for miles. The Hollywood sign visible in the distance. I rarely come to LA, in fact the last time I was here was a year and a half ago for a family reunion. I watched as the lights got closer and brighter and were everywhere. Let's just say that it looked like it was day time here with all the lights.

Herds of people walking up and down the streets. It was always an amazing experience every time I come here, it's like the first, it puts me straight into a ray of awe. I have never seen so many people in one place. And that's just the streets... I can't imagine what it must be like to be inside a club or concert with millions of these crazed people. There is one thing bad about LA Though, it doesn't seem like there are any futures here... All broken dreams. But then again I suppose that every city has it's broken dreams and dreams of gold.

I watched as we drove, a few more miles before we wound up parked in the spacious parking lot of the LA hospital in the middle of the huge town. The building was lit up with so many lights that it looked like a gigantic light bulb itself. I looked up at it as we climbed out to go see Aunt Casey. I pulled my book bag over my shoulder and followed my parents as we walked toward the big double doors on the front of the building. We went inside to a fully furnished lobby with nurses bustling about with needles full of medicines and carrying charts.

No matter the reason for visiting a hospital, rather to see your newborn niece or to hear the dying breath of your grandfather, being in a hospital always makes you feel antsy.

We walked up to a cluttered counter that cut the long room in half. Mom spoke with the nurse at the desk and asked for her room number and were on our merry way. We walked down different hall ways and finally ended up at Aunt Casey's door. As we went in, she was wide awake. Waiting for us, no doubt. The biggest smile I can imagine spread across my face at the sight of my favorite aunt.

We all exchanged hellos and a few conversations too. A few consisted of topics such as the weather in Rodeo and LA. How school was for me, and for my own good, I left of Billie's squeamish fit. I told her about my grades and everything and even told her that I'd finished Wuthering Heights on the drive here. She smiled brightly. She was just like me and my grandma. We could read those old books forever.

I smiled and laughed as she told us about something that had happened last Sunday when she was out driving with Uncle Ed. For a bit, it helped us all forget why she was in there. But eventually she had to explain to us the whole accident and her current condition and her approximate release date. She also was already making promises to come visit us in Rodeo when she is better. Even though I knew it wasn't best for her, I still looked forward to it. It was close to 8:30 when a nurse came in and helped my aunt get ready for bed after telling us that visiting hours were over. I sighed, hugged my aunt. I'd be back tomorrow of course. But I just loved talking to her because she is always on the same page with me.

It's not like I'm not in sync with my parents, it's just I have more in common with aunt Casey then my parents. We like the same kind if books and music. Watch the same or similar movies and do most the same activities. The biggest difference between us is that she lives in crowded Los Angeles and I live in the trashed city of Rodeo. 

I waved one last time to her as I exited into the hall after my parents. Lost in my thoughts as we made our way to the car. We rented a room in a hotel close to the hospital. 

I pulled a old tank top over my head and pulled on some pajama bottoms and pulled the hair tie out of my hair and fanned it out. Grabbed my discarded clothing and walking back out into the bedroom where my parents were and shoved my clothes into my suitcase without bothering to fold them. I was tired from the long day and wanted nothing more then to just go to sleep. I flopped down onto my designated bed. My parents were watching the news before going to sleep. But I drowned it all out until I went unconscious.

The following morning, I woke to the sounds of the TV. I rolled over and pulled the pillowcase tighter over my head. As I continued to lay there with my eyes closed, whatever dream I had apparently concocted last night, came back with blurry color. What my parents had said about Billie him not being good... Of course I had known that already. I didn't need a neon sign to declare him as such. I knew how to follow my instincts and would proceed to do so.

I remember some dream I had had that was a replay of the past two days that I'd had more interaction with the pot heads than ever. My eyes popped open, I wasn't supposed to socialize with them. Only when I had too. But don't speak to them just because you want too.

I would avoid them and mean it this time. But I could already feel it miserably in my gut that I'd fail the second I got back to school on Monday morning.