Love and Death

The first time Jack was around when Alex had to deal with the death of a dog, it was honestly a little funny. Not at first, of course, but as soon as Jack fully realized what had happened, he had to bite his tongue to stop from laughing at his poor boyfriend's misfortune.

It had been just any other day, really—Jack had decided to go out shopping, seeing as how they'd just gotten back from tour and wouldn't be going anywhere for another month. The apartment was void of any and all kinds of food, and he was hungry, damn it. He'd left a note for Alex on his own pillow, kissed the elder's disheveled bedhead as he slept peacefully, and then left the apartment.

It was a good handful of hours later that he returned, carrying a total of seven bags (excluding the Taco Bell bag) because he really didn't want to make any more than one trip, and he didn't want to bother Alex. After all, the singer constantly worked himself to death on tour and in the studio and deserved more than a little time to just sleep in for once.

However, as soon as Jack stepped into the apartment, he noticed a noise he'd never heard before—crying. It was coming from his and Alex's bedroom, and it was one of the most distressing noises Jack had ever faced. Jack was actually no stranger to Alex's crying, what with the fact that he suffered from an occasional anxiety attack (and the not so occasional need to watch the saddest chick flicks he could possibly find), but this kind of crying was on a completely different level altogether.

Dropping the bags had been quite a struggle, especially the Taco Bell one because God damn it, he had burritos. Seven of them in total for just himself—one for each plastic grocery bag he had to carry—and two for Alex since Jack knew he'd be hungry, but nowhere near as hungry as himself. Overeating was his thing anyway. He wouldn’t get fat, what with how insane his metabolism was, but he'd get a little pudgy in the gut area, and even though he’d probably never admit it out loud, Jack knew that Alex secretly loved it.

When the task of departing with all of his recently-bought food had finally been accomplished, though, Jack took off towards the bedroom. The door was opened, and Jack could see from halfway down the hallway that Alex was sitting up in bed… well, sort of. The older man was leaning in over a pillow, his face pressed into it as he cried uncontrollably. Sebastian and Peyton were sitting wide-eyed at the door, unsure of what was wrong with their owner or how they could help. They'd sure as hell never seen their owner cry like that, and it was a foreign concept.

Sidestepping them, Jack strode into the room and climbed up on the bed, pulling Alex close. The slighter man's breath hitched slightly before he coughed and started crying just as hard once again. He did, however, replace the pillow in his arms for Jack's own, thin body, squeezing tightly. Jack held Alex for what felt like hours, waiting for his chance to speak. When the shorter male was reduced to merely whimpering, he figured that was his chance.

"What happened, baby?" he murmured softly, his lips brushing against Alex's still-messy hair. That, however, proved to be a bad idea, seeing as how the tears started yet again.

Through his boyfriend's blubbering and his own hushed words of encouragement, Jack was able to catch a choked and stuttered, "He died."

Jack's first thought was a 'holy fucking shit,' but then he was squeezing Alex closer. He didn't necessarily know who died, but he and Alex all knew the same people. It could've been anyone—it could've been Alex's dad.

"Who, baby?" he questioned, having to put actual effort into keeping his voice even and calm.

With that, Alex's hand was unfurling from where it had desperately latched onto the back of Jack's shirt, and he was then reaching somewhere beside him under the mound of blankets and reproducing… a book. Marley & Me, to be more specific.

"Marley died," Alex cried, pushing the book into Jack's chest beside his own face and gasping for air as he started to drown in his own tears again. "The dog died, Jack, they put the dog down."

Time stopped around Jack for a moment then. Surely he couldn't have heard right. Alex was having the breakdown of the century… over a dog in a book? A dog in a book Jack had bought for him at the beginning of tour so that he had something relaxing to do during his spare time, no less.

"What?" was all he could ask when he came-to again, leaning away from his boyfriend to look down at him.

"Marley died, Jack!" Alex exclaimed, bottom lip quivering. His teeth clamped around it after a moment to still the movement. The tears had stopped falling, but that was only so that they could build up in his pitiful, brown eyes again.

The taller man had to actually bite his tongue to keep from laughing or saying something rude, and he'd pouted as well as nodded his head in faux understanding. "It's okay, ba—"

"It's not okay," Alex stressed, burying his face in its previous spot.

"But Marley's in a better place now, baby," Jack assured gently, rubbing Alex's back in what he hoped was a soothing manner. "He was probably in a lot of pain right before they had to put him down, right? They must have done it for a reason. Now he's not hurting. That's good, isn't it? Wouldn't you do the same for Baz or Pey if you knew they were in a lot of pain?"

Alex tensed, but nodded stiffly after a few moments. "I guess," he mumbled, just before the hiccups began to take over. Jack held him through the aftershocks of it all, and when the elder was finally calm enough, Jack had given him a kiss.

"I'm sorry I bought you a sad book, baby," he apologized, squeezing the worn-out man closer. "I didn't know. But I do know that I bought Taco Bell, and it's probably cold now, but the cold foods might have survived up until now. How about we go out there, put the food away, heat up some burritos, and we watch a movie, huh? I might've also gotten that new Star Trek movie while I was out."

Alex could only nod again before glumly pushing his body from Jack's so that he could stand. He stopped, however, when he caught sight of his dogs still standing obediently in the doorway and then dropped down to the ground. Both canines rushed forward, Sebastian stepping up onto Alex's lap as Peyton circled around him.

Jack sighed as he watched on. After a few moments of only the dogs moving, nudging, and licking at Alex in an attempt to get a reaction out of him, the younger male stood from the bed as well, helping his beau stand before they made their way out into the kitchen, dogs in tow.

It was less than two days later that Jack found another book for Alex—A Dog Called Kitty. What terrible thing could possibly happen in that? It was a kids' book for God's sake, so he knew there would be no horrible outcome.

A week later, Jack was proven wrong.

"Jack!" Alex wailed from their bedroom, and he immediately rushed in to see a scene similar to the one not even ten days prior. This time, however, Baz and Pey were in the bed with his boyfriend, both looking like they were being squeezed to death in Alex's strong arms.

"Baby, you gotta let the dogs go," Jack prompted, climbing onto the bed and pulling the elder away from the two. "Sh, hey, what happened?"

"He fucking died, you asshole!" Alex cried in response, the tears already soaking his face. "Kitty, he… and he… he… Jack!"

Honestly, Jack was about ready to throw himself out a fucking window. Did every fucking book about dogs end in said dogs dying? Weren't these books for children?

"I didn't know, baby," Jack cooed, rubbing at Alex's back and arms, trying to at least get Alex to stop crying.

"He was crushed to death!" Alex exclaimed as he buried his face in Jack's shirt and let the floodgates fully open up.

And, even though he knew he should've been upset that Alex was upset or mad that he'd made Alex upset, he still found it almost as funny as the Marley & Me incident had been. It had lost a little of its touch, but it was still funny either way. The only difference this time was the fact that Jack couldn't hold in his laughter.

That night, he slept on the couch.

Right now, though... right now isn't funny, not in the slightest.

Jack doesn't quite understand how it had progressed so quickly, and now there isn't anything he can do but wait.

It had all started about three months after the A Dog Called Kitty incident. They were on their last day of tour, and the two men had decided to go explore the town—or, rather, Alex had heard that there was a dog show, and he was absolutely dying to check it out.

Near the end of their little excursion, Alex had been feeling on Cloud Nine. He was at one of the happiest points in his life. Not much else could compare to being with his boyfriend and being able to freely coo at dogs of all different breeds.

But at that last table, there were pure bred Labrador retrievers. And under that table, a small cage.

Inside that cage was hands-down one of the most precious dogs Alex had ever witnessed—she was black and white, short yet long and thin with the softest fur he'd ever felt. Not quite as long as Baz's, but not as short as Pey's.

"How come she's under the table?" Alex had asked, looking up at the owner, who merely shrugged her shoulders.

"She's a mutt," the woman replied. "No one at these shows wants mutts. Don't know how I got stuck with her in the first place, honestly."

Alex had turned to Jack then, brown eyes wide and hopeful. He didn't even have to open his mouth to ask before Jack was facing the woman and reaching into his back pocket to pull out his wallet.

"How much for her?" he'd inquired, ready to pull out whatever amount she asked—and if he didn't have it, then God damn it, he was going to an ATM. After everything he'd put Alex through, he figured a new dog that wouldn't be crushed or needed to be put down (for a long while, at least) was the best way to make it up to his boyfriend.

The woman looked to the dog, to Alex, and then back to Jack before shrugging, answering, “She’s still young, so I would ask for one-fifty, but because she’s a mutt and I don’t wanna be stuck with her anymore, fifty will do—for the dog, collar, and cage.”

When the money was handed over, Alex curled the fingers of his right hand around the handle at the top and lifted it to be eye-level with both he and Jack, cooing away at the creature who simply looked on with wide, brown eyes.

“They look kinda like yours,” Alex observed, looking between the newest addition to his little family and Jack. “All deep, and chocolaty, and perfect. My favorite.”

Jack could only scoff as he reached out to lace the fingers of his right hand with Alex’s left so that they could bring the dog back to the bus. “You’re a suck-up, y’know? What’re you gonna name her?”

A few moments of silence passed where Alex simply gazed at the dog through the wiring, who stared right back up at him. “I don’t know,” he finally decided, biting his lip and tilting his head to the side a bit as the dog did the same. “She’s uncommon, and I think she’s worth more than just fifty… She’s really pretty… and precious…” He trailed out there, grin spreading as he looked over to Jack. “I’m gonna name her Prada.”

“That’s the gayest thing you’ve ever said,” Jack retorted, having to bite back a laugh. Alex glared, and Jack shook his head. “I’m just kidding, baby. It’s cute; she looks like a Prada.”

That night, Prada Gaskarth was introduced to the rest of the family.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Jack cursed, dropping to his knees behind the dog, pressing his hands against her back and pushing down and forward. “Come on, Prada, come on.”

It had happened out of the blue, really—it was like she’d just… stopped breathing. Alex wasn’t home, had gone away on a trip to see his stepsisters over in England, and Jack had been left in charge. It was a simple enough job seeing as how he’d lived with all three dogs for a little over half a year, and then she just… dropped, only a good hour or two before Alex was set to be back home. He knew she hadn’t eaten anything she shouldn’t have, or the other dogs would’ve been having the same issues. He even tried looking down her throat to see if something was lodged there, but once again, he was at a loss.

Looking back, he should’ve seen the signs. She wasn’t as active as she’d been before, and Sebastian would often get in Peyton’s way when the three would play to block the bigger dog from their sister—Jack had read somewhere that animals could detect health issues, so maybe the small Papillion was just trying to be helpful?

The chest compressions were doing no good, and soon there were bubbles coming from the small dog’s mouth as she lay helplessly on the floor. Soon enough, her eyes were slipping closed. It was over in mere minutes; even if Jack had thought to call for help, it would’ve come much too late.

Jack didn’t know what to do. He could feel that Prada’s heart had stopped beating completely, and even Peyton wasn’t curious enough to move from where Sebastian had backed him up. Both dogs were staring at their owner’s partner, eyes wide and bodies all but motionless. The young man could only plop back on the ground, eyes blurry and unfocused on the black and white mass sprawled on the floor.

Before he could come up with a semi-decent course of action, the front door was opening.

“Babies, I’m home,” Alex called through the apartment. That immediately set Baz, Pey, and Jack into gear, who hopped up from their stoic positions and all scurried to the door. Alex took a moment greeting each dog before looking up to Jack, a confused smile spreading on his face. “Where’s Prada, baby?” he asked, attempting to push past the younger to set his things down and begin his hunt for the pooch.

“Alex, wait,” Jack demanded, holding his hands up as his teeth sunk into his bottom lip.

“No, I’m just gonna—”

“Alex,” the taller stressed, eyes pleading. The elder could tell something was wrong, but he pursed his lips and nodded his head, prompting his boyfriend to continue.

When Jack didn’t say anything, he sighed a little shakily. “Jay, where is my dog?”

“She’s… Alex, there was… I didn’t know what… I swear I tried to… and she… she, uh…”

“Where is Prada?” he demanded, suddenly losing his patience and pushing past the skinnier male. His legs brought him through the apartment, and he ended up in the living room with three of his loves following closely behind.

It was silent then, both men simply staring—Alex at Prada’s limp body and Jack at Alex’s stiff figure.

“I’m so sorry, Alex. I didn’t… I tried…”

When the elder looked to him next, there were tears streaming down his cheeks, and his bottom lip was quivering pathetically. He couldn’t speak, choked sobs blocking his throat and making even just breathing a painful task. He was dreaming, he realized. Or maybe Jack had taught her that trick while he was gone. That had to be it.

But he knew. He knew all too well.

His watery, brown eyes moved back to his dog, and he dropped to his knees like Jack had only minutes prior. Instead of trying to resuscitate her, however, he reached out a trembling hand and ran it through the dog’s black fur.

Jack took it upon himself to step forward, and he collapsed on the ground next to the crying male. Said man retracted his hand and continued to stare down at the poor creature before the flood works truly began. Leaning into Jack’s side, he buried his face in the younger’s chest and let his sobs reign free.

“She was still a baby,” he coughed (feeling pretty confident about that bit of information seeing as how she’d grown consistently in the past few months), spluttering on nothing as Jack nodded and wrapped his arms around the elder’s vulnerable figure, rocking them back and forth gently. A good half hour was spent like that, with Alex hiding his face and letting all of his pent-up emotions free as Jack sat quietly. After he was able to breathe properly again, he was asking a soft, “What happened?”

“She was fine,” Jack began, trying to piece together the memories that had turned fuzzy in his panic. “They were playing, and Baz kept jumping up at Pey… I didn’t really think it was that weird since he’s done that for the past week or two… I don’t know; it never really registered… Baz pushed Pey back past the couch and I watched him do it, and then there was a coughing noise…”

Alex gave out his own little cough at that, pressing his face hard into Jack’s shoulder. All the younger could do was bring him in closer.

“When I looked back over at her, she looked like she was just coughing… but it didn’t stop. I just… I figured there was nothing really wrong, y’know? It was just a little cough and she’d be okay in a second… but she, uh… she kinda slumped down, and I thought maybe she’d accidentally swallowed something, but there was nothing there…”

The elder barely nodded when Jack paused in an attempt to better think through his next words, and he continued on as best he could.

“I tried to give her chest compressions, but it didn’t work… I didn’t even have time to think about calling for help or something; it happened too fast.”

“So she didn’t suffer too much?” Alex whimpered around a sniffle.

“No, baby,” Jack assured. He didn’t sound all too sure, however. He knew it must’ve been pretty damn painful for the poor dog to go through, but he also knew it didn’t last any more than two minutes at the very most. It all sort of evened out, in a way.

Alex nodded again, but Jack could tell that it wasn’t a way to let him know to continue, but more a way to say that he’d heard and understood the information well enough.

“Can you call a vet or something? I gotta… we gotta find out about burying her…” Alex flinched as the words left his mouth, but he took a deep breath to keep himself under control, eyes squeezing shut in hopes of waking up to seeing it was all just a bad dream.

Jack reached into his pocket, drawing out his phone as Alex resumed his heavy breathing. It was a short call, really, and during that time, Baz and Pey had worked up the courage to step forward as well, both nudging at the couple in hopes of gaining some semblance of attention.

“They said that we can bring her down whenever,” Jack said as he hung up the phone. “I’ll bring her there if you wanna go climb into bed or something, ba—”

“No,” Alex decided, sitting up and wiping at his eyes with a little too much force. “I gotta… I gotta bring her there.”

“You sure?” Jack asked, not fully believing that Alex was up for driving Prada all the way to the vet.

“Yeah.” He pushed himself to his feet with that, holding his hand out for his partner as he gazed down at his three pups. When Jack was stood on his feet once more, Alex pulled him into as tight a hug he could manage given the circumstances. “Thank you,” he mumbled, the words almost muffled beyond recognition against the cotton of Jack’s V-neck.

Jack was confused, to say the least. “For what, baby?” he asked, tilting his head enough to kiss the side of Alex’s.

“For being there for her in her last days,” Alex explained quietly, turning his own head to press their noses together, glossy eyes meeting his boyfriend’s own. “She had you to take care of her, and I know you showed her a ton of love in these past two weeks. I know you tried, and you’re still here taking care of me… thank you.”

“I’m always gonna be here,” Jack assured, moving to press their lips together gently.

Another simple ‘Yeah’ was all Alex could offer, and then he was pulling away from Jack to make his way into their bedroom. After retrieving Prada’s old cage from the depths of their closet, he brought it out and set it down, having to turn from the scene.

“Can you…?” he inquired, and while Jack really didn’t want to, he also really, really didn’t want Alex to have to even more.

“You sure you don’t want me to bring her? Do you want me to go with you at all?” When Alex shook his head, he sighed. “She’s in a better place now, baby.”

“I know.”

And, honestly, Jack didn’t know what else to say after that.

With a short kiss goodbye, Alex was beginning his twenty minute journey. When the door clicked into place behind his partner, Jack let out a sigh and turned to Baz and Pey, still sitting obediently on the floor near his feet, gazes flicking from where they’d just seen their owner disappear to and Jack himself.

“Hey,” Jack said, grabbing their attention fully. “Next time I even think about doing something nice that involves a dog,” he started, beginning the walk to his and Alex’s bedroom while patting his leg for both dogs to follow, “I want you both to bite me as hard as possible.”