‹ Prequel: More Than This
Over Again
3
Her phone immediately went to voicemail and I cursed, deciding to leave a voicemail anyway.
“Listen, Lanna, I know you don’t want to talk about it, and we don’t have to, okay? Just… please call me back and at least let me know you’re okay, Alanna. Or call Niall, or someone. Anyone. Please. I met you in rehab and I know you said how easy it is for you to go back to old habits when you feel trapped and I just… don’t shut us out, Alanna.” I paused and wiped a tear from my cheek. “I couldn’t handle losing another person I love this year.”
I hung up the phone and put my head in my hands, sliding down the wall outside the building, sitting on the sidewalk.
I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there until people started pouring out of the meeting. I groaned. I had missed it. I knew I would get shit from my friends for missing it. I ran a hand through my hair and tried to wipe my eyes, when a man sat next to me and held out a cigarette.
I instantly took it, lighting it up.
“Bad day?” The man asked, lighting up his own cigarette.
I took a drag of the cigarette.
“Bad year.” I replied.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, after a beat of silence.
“I uhm…” I almost talked to him, almost spilled my guts, but thought better of it. “No, not really.”
The man shrugged and took a drag of his own cigarette.
“Can I tell you a story?” He asked instead. I nodded once.
“My brother died in a car accident 5 years ago. He was my best friend and we did literally everything together. He left behind a wife and four kids, so naturally I tried to help them out as much as I could.” He started, taking another drag on his cigarette. “But everyone deals with things in different ways, and I started to drink to numb the pain. I shut out everyone that I was close to and they let me. They just let me shut them out. They did nothing to stop me, and I downward spiraled. I had nobody to talk to, so I ended up close to death on a sidewalk, nearly choking on my own vomit, and a stranger took me to rehab, so now here I am, 5 years later, telling others about my story and leading a support group for people who lost their family members.” He gestured to the building behind us. “So, whatever happened to you, whoever you lost, be sure that you don’t shut anyone out, and be sure you don’t let other people shut you out. Be there for the people who need you. Appreciate those who help you through this as much as you can. Also, I suggest actually coming into the building for the next meeting.”
He stood up and stubbed out his cigarette, giving me a nod before disappearing into the parking lot.
I sat there crying for a minute, in awe of the man’s story.
I knew immediately that I had taken my friends for granted, and that I also had to keep trying with Alanna.
I closed my eyes and dialed her number again, leaving another voicemail.
“If you don’t call me back, I’m going to keep calling, and if you keep ignoring me, I’m going to fly to your doorstep. You can’t shut me out. I’m going to be like an annoying fly buzzing in your ear until you tell me what happened with Niall and what’s wrong.”
I hung up and then dialed Harry’s number, getting his voicemail, since they were playing the show by now.
“I just wanted to say I love you, Haz.” My voice cracked pathetically and I hung up the phone before starting to walk back toward Liam’s house.
When I got there, I opened the door and found El asleep on the couch, the TV still on.
I smiled and grabbed a blanket, putting it over her and turning off the TV.
I went up the stairs next and found the girls asleep in their room.
I kissed each of them on top of their heads and went to the room I was staying in, instantly laying down on the bed.
Just then, my phone started ringing, Harry’s face flashing on the screen. He didn’t even give me a chance to greet him before he was talking.
“Are you okay?”
His voice was panicked, and I heard loud noise coming from the background.
“Harry, what are you doing?”
“It’s the time between the show and the encore, your voicemail just freaked me the fuck out, you were obviously crying, so I’m calling you.”
I wanted to cry all over again with my love for this boy.
“Harry, you idiot, I love you. That’s all I wanted to say. Go play your show, we’ll talk later.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I love you too.”
He hung up the phone and I sighed, putting it on the nightstand.
Just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet coming into the room, and Bella appeared in the doorway.
“Can’t sleep.” She announced sadly. I closed my eyes and patted the bed next to me. She instantly climbed into my arms.
I reached over and checked my phone for any sign of contact from Alanna, but when I saw none, I heaved a sigh and buried down further in the bed, trying to fall asleep, but knowing that it defiantly was not going to happen.
“Listen, Lanna, I know you don’t want to talk about it, and we don’t have to, okay? Just… please call me back and at least let me know you’re okay, Alanna. Or call Niall, or someone. Anyone. Please. I met you in rehab and I know you said how easy it is for you to go back to old habits when you feel trapped and I just… don’t shut us out, Alanna.” I paused and wiped a tear from my cheek. “I couldn’t handle losing another person I love this year.”
I hung up the phone and put my head in my hands, sliding down the wall outside the building, sitting on the sidewalk.
I didn’t know how long I had been sitting there until people started pouring out of the meeting. I groaned. I had missed it. I knew I would get shit from my friends for missing it. I ran a hand through my hair and tried to wipe my eyes, when a man sat next to me and held out a cigarette.
I instantly took it, lighting it up.
“Bad day?” The man asked, lighting up his own cigarette.
I took a drag of the cigarette.
“Bad year.” I replied.
“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, after a beat of silence.
“I uhm…” I almost talked to him, almost spilled my guts, but thought better of it. “No, not really.”
The man shrugged and took a drag of his own cigarette.
“Can I tell you a story?” He asked instead. I nodded once.
“My brother died in a car accident 5 years ago. He was my best friend and we did literally everything together. He left behind a wife and four kids, so naturally I tried to help them out as much as I could.” He started, taking another drag on his cigarette. “But everyone deals with things in different ways, and I started to drink to numb the pain. I shut out everyone that I was close to and they let me. They just let me shut them out. They did nothing to stop me, and I downward spiraled. I had nobody to talk to, so I ended up close to death on a sidewalk, nearly choking on my own vomit, and a stranger took me to rehab, so now here I am, 5 years later, telling others about my story and leading a support group for people who lost their family members.” He gestured to the building behind us. “So, whatever happened to you, whoever you lost, be sure that you don’t shut anyone out, and be sure you don’t let other people shut you out. Be there for the people who need you. Appreciate those who help you through this as much as you can. Also, I suggest actually coming into the building for the next meeting.”
He stood up and stubbed out his cigarette, giving me a nod before disappearing into the parking lot.
I sat there crying for a minute, in awe of the man’s story.
I knew immediately that I had taken my friends for granted, and that I also had to keep trying with Alanna.
I closed my eyes and dialed her number again, leaving another voicemail.
“If you don’t call me back, I’m going to keep calling, and if you keep ignoring me, I’m going to fly to your doorstep. You can’t shut me out. I’m going to be like an annoying fly buzzing in your ear until you tell me what happened with Niall and what’s wrong.”
I hung up and then dialed Harry’s number, getting his voicemail, since they were playing the show by now.
“I just wanted to say I love you, Haz.” My voice cracked pathetically and I hung up the phone before starting to walk back toward Liam’s house.
When I got there, I opened the door and found El asleep on the couch, the TV still on.
I smiled and grabbed a blanket, putting it over her and turning off the TV.
I went up the stairs next and found the girls asleep in their room.
I kissed each of them on top of their heads and went to the room I was staying in, instantly laying down on the bed.
Just then, my phone started ringing, Harry’s face flashing on the screen. He didn’t even give me a chance to greet him before he was talking.
“Are you okay?”
His voice was panicked, and I heard loud noise coming from the background.
“Harry, what are you doing?”
“It’s the time between the show and the encore, your voicemail just freaked me the fuck out, you were obviously crying, so I’m calling you.”
I wanted to cry all over again with my love for this boy.
“Harry, you idiot, I love you. That’s all I wanted to say. Go play your show, we’ll talk later.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I love you too.”
He hung up the phone and I sighed, putting it on the nightstand.
Just as I was about to fall asleep, I heard the pitter patter of tiny feet coming into the room, and Bella appeared in the doorway.
“Can’t sleep.” She announced sadly. I closed my eyes and patted the bed next to me. She instantly climbed into my arms.
I reached over and checked my phone for any sign of contact from Alanna, but when I saw none, I heaved a sigh and buried down further in the bed, trying to fall asleep, but knowing that it defiantly was not going to happen.