‹ Prequel: More Than This
Over Again
8
About halfway through the party, something dawned on me, and I turned to Harry.
“Do you have to leave tomorrow?” I asked.
Harry bit his lip, but nodded.
“Early?” All hope of spending much alone time with Harry was dwindling.
He sighed and pulled me into his body.
“6 in the morning.” He replied into my hair. I groaned and turned to him.
He squeezed my side in a loving way.
“This visit is such a tease!” I yelled dramatically, so that the whole room could hear me.
“It was this way or nothing at all, love.” Louis called from across the room.
I sighed and looked around.
“Okay, where the hell are Niall and Alanna?” I muttered, breaking free from Harry’s grasp.
“I’ll be right back.” I told him, leaning up and kissing the corner of his mouth.
I walked toward the back door and opened it, seeing Alanna sitting on the back deck. I sat down next to her wordlessly, just sitting there, until I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently.
I could hear her sharp intake of breath from beside me.
“I’m not good enough for him.” She muttered.
I closed my eyes, trying to regain my composure after hearing my best friend say those words. We were more alike than we realized.
“What do you mean?” I asked softly. “You’re amazing, Alanna. You’re amazing for him.”
She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair before speaking again.
“I was.. I was doing okay. I really was. And then Niall came into my life and it’s not his fault, but we started getting photographed together, Bailey, and old habits die hard.”
I quickly grabbed her hand as she took a deep breath before continuing.
“So I started examining them and looking at myself and hating what I saw again, Bails. So I tried to change it, to look good enough, to look small enough. And Niall just loved me anyway. He loved me so much, and we had sex and he told me he loved me. He told me he loved me after seeing my body. Nobody had ever loved me that much. I didn’t want him to get close to me, I’m so fucked up. He doesn’t deserve that. It freaked me out, so I ran. And here, tonight, he started talking to me about how he still loves me and I just… I can’t.”
I sighed, enveloping Alanna in a hug.
It was scary that I was hearing her say these things, because I had cried that I didn’t serve Harry outside a bar, and we were able to work through it, but with Alanna, I don’t think it would be that easy.
“Where did Niall go?” I asked quietly.
“He didn’t want to worry you, but he went home. He slipped out this way.”
“Okay, listen, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, and I get that, but when was the last time you ate, Alanna?”
I watched as she bit her lip in thought, and I sighed.
“Okay, so you’re at the point where you can’t remember, which is not good. I just… do you want to talk to someone? I mean, I know people. I can’t help you unless you want to be helped, though. Trust me, Lanna, we all love you, and don’t want to see you wasting away on us, okay? Regardless of how you feel about Niall, he still loves you and wants what’s best for you.”
She was silent for a long minute before she spoke.
“I think I just… I think I need to go home tomorrow and go back to the center we met at for a little while. I was doing okay after we left there.” She replied in thought. I squeezed her arm.
“Good. They can help. Also, Lanna, I just want to tell you from experience that running away from your problems is never a good idea. If you close yourself off to something because you’re scared, you eliminate the possibility of great things happening. I almost lost out on Harry because I was scared, and now I can’t picture my life without him. Just… think about it, yeah?”
Alanna smiled faintly at me and nodded, and I got up and walked back toward the house, immediately walking over to Harry and kissing him passionately on the lips.
“What’s this for?” He asked, chuckling.
“For not letting me run away.” I stated. “For being in my life, even during the rough times.”
Harry squeezed me tightly to his chest, kissing the top of my head.
“Can we leave?” He asked lowly.
"Leave my own party?” I asked.
Harry nodded.
“I still have one more thing planned for tonight, remember? And I’d like it to be private.”
Curiosity got the better of me and I nodded, linking my fingers through his as we said goodbye to our friends and walked out the door, back toward our house.
“Do you have to leave tomorrow?” I asked.
Harry bit his lip, but nodded.
“Early?” All hope of spending much alone time with Harry was dwindling.
He sighed and pulled me into his body.
“6 in the morning.” He replied into my hair. I groaned and turned to him.
He squeezed my side in a loving way.
“This visit is such a tease!” I yelled dramatically, so that the whole room could hear me.
“It was this way or nothing at all, love.” Louis called from across the room.
I sighed and looked around.
“Okay, where the hell are Niall and Alanna?” I muttered, breaking free from Harry’s grasp.
“I’ll be right back.” I told him, leaning up and kissing the corner of his mouth.
I walked toward the back door and opened it, seeing Alanna sitting on the back deck. I sat down next to her wordlessly, just sitting there, until I couldn’t handle it anymore, and I spoke.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked gently.
I could hear her sharp intake of breath from beside me.
“I’m not good enough for him.” She muttered.
I closed my eyes, trying to regain my composure after hearing my best friend say those words. We were more alike than we realized.
“What do you mean?” I asked softly. “You’re amazing, Alanna. You’re amazing for him.”
She shook her head and ran a hand through her hair before speaking again.
“I was.. I was doing okay. I really was. And then Niall came into my life and it’s not his fault, but we started getting photographed together, Bailey, and old habits die hard.”
I quickly grabbed her hand as she took a deep breath before continuing.
“So I started examining them and looking at myself and hating what I saw again, Bails. So I tried to change it, to look good enough, to look small enough. And Niall just loved me anyway. He loved me so much, and we had sex and he told me he loved me. He told me he loved me after seeing my body. Nobody had ever loved me that much. I didn’t want him to get close to me, I’m so fucked up. He doesn’t deserve that. It freaked me out, so I ran. And here, tonight, he started talking to me about how he still loves me and I just… I can’t.”
I sighed, enveloping Alanna in a hug.
It was scary that I was hearing her say these things, because I had cried that I didn’t serve Harry outside a bar, and we were able to work through it, but with Alanna, I don’t think it would be that easy.
“Where did Niall go?” I asked quietly.
“He didn’t want to worry you, but he went home. He slipped out this way.”
“Okay, listen, I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, and I get that, but when was the last time you ate, Alanna?”
I watched as she bit her lip in thought, and I sighed.
“Okay, so you’re at the point where you can’t remember, which is not good. I just… do you want to talk to someone? I mean, I know people. I can’t help you unless you want to be helped, though. Trust me, Lanna, we all love you, and don’t want to see you wasting away on us, okay? Regardless of how you feel about Niall, he still loves you and wants what’s best for you.”
She was silent for a long minute before she spoke.
“I think I just… I think I need to go home tomorrow and go back to the center we met at for a little while. I was doing okay after we left there.” She replied in thought. I squeezed her arm.
“Good. They can help. Also, Lanna, I just want to tell you from experience that running away from your problems is never a good idea. If you close yourself off to something because you’re scared, you eliminate the possibility of great things happening. I almost lost out on Harry because I was scared, and now I can’t picture my life without him. Just… think about it, yeah?”
Alanna smiled faintly at me and nodded, and I got up and walked back toward the house, immediately walking over to Harry and kissing him passionately on the lips.
“What’s this for?” He asked, chuckling.
“For not letting me run away.” I stated. “For being in my life, even during the rough times.”
Harry squeezed me tightly to his chest, kissing the top of my head.
“Can we leave?” He asked lowly.
"Leave my own party?” I asked.
Harry nodded.
“I still have one more thing planned for tonight, remember? And I’d like it to be private.”
Curiosity got the better of me and I nodded, linking my fingers through his as we said goodbye to our friends and walked out the door, back toward our house.