Secret Smiles in the Snow

“I can’t believe that you’re the new Lord Commander of the Night’s Watch.”

“And I can’t believe that you’re before me,” Jon grinned, his eyes alive with joy. Despite all logic that said that this man couldn’t be alive after spending many years beyond the Wall labelled as missing, he had somehow survived. “It’s so good to see you.” Benjen pulled his nephew into a forceful embrace and then they sat in front of Jon’s hearth. It was a particularly cold winter’s night, but Jon’s heart was filled with warm delight at the return of his beloved uncle.

“So tell me, what did I miss?” Benjen asked and Jon began rambling about everything from the Wildlings to the White Walkers to details about his responsibility as Lord Commander. Eventually his mind drifted to Sina, and Jon perked up as he remembered the reason why he initially allowed her to stay.

“You mustn’t tell anyone, but there is a woman living here,” Jon began.

“You know that’s not allowed,” he said with narrowed eyes, concerned about Jon’s honour and his faith to his oath.

“She came here in search of you, and I couldn’t refuse to protect her out of respect for you,” Jon explained but Benjen shook his head.

“I don’t understand,” he said so Jon clarified how Sina had said that Benjen would protect her if she needed it, but Benjen still could not recall the woman. “Out of honour, I have offered to protect people as that is what I have sworn to do. Whenever I have promised my protection, I never meant refuge at the Wall for women.” Jon’s face fell, the creases in his forehead conveying his confusion.

“What did you have in mind then?”

“A warm meal, a bed for a night or two before they head to Winterfell. Ned would give them a new beginning, and that would be all. It is too… dangerous to have women here,” Benjen sighed and Jon leaned back in his chair, absorbing every word. He had misinterpreted so much, and it was dawning on him that the right thing to do would have been to send Sina south after a few nights to start a new life elsewhere. The Wall wasn’t a place for her.

“I don’t know what to do now,” Jon admitted as Benjen scratched his head.

“She can’t stay. The second anyone finds out, you will lose respect. They won’t follow you if they know that you have a secret whore living with you,” he replied, holding his hand palm-up to prevent Jon from arguing. “That’s how they will see her. She is a distraction, and the Wall could fall because the leadership would crumble. She should go.”

“Benjen, I can’t send her away. I love her,” Jon stressed but his uncle shook his head.

“Do you really think that matters? You swore to protect the realm, not to fall in love. Taking the black meant making sacrifices. You have to stand by that, Jon. This war is far bigger than your personal desires; it’s about almost indestructible monsters that can reanimate people!” Benjen countered, pausing when he realised that his voice was becoming louder. He leaned forward in his chair and waited until Jon met his eyes. “If you truly want to protect her, then you have to let her go. You need to devote all of your time and energy to running this place, to keeping the Wall standing, otherwise she will die. We all will.” Jon ran a nervous hand through his hair and took in a trembling breath, sensing that his uncle’s advice was honest and correct.

“I thought I was doing the right thing, Benjen…”

“I think you had good intentions, but now you need to make another choice. I hope you can make the right one,” Benjen said with a heavy heart. He didn’t want to see a family member hurt from the loss of love, but they had a duty to the realm. As members of the Night’s Watch, they couldn’t be selfish. Once Jon rest his head in his hand, Benjen stood and quietly left, knowing that his nephew needed time alone to come to a conclusion.