Secret Smiles in the Snow

Under the pretence that she was Si, a young lowborn man from Highgarden who robbed a few merchants, Sina worked diligently in the kitchen to earn her place. She kept to herself, being bossed around by the other stewards who already knew the routines of preparing meals and serving them to other brothers of the Night’s Watch. Sina only spoke when necessary and ensured that she put on her deeper tone voice to aid her deception, and so far no one had questioned her. They all thought that Si was a stunted, shy man, and since they weren’t perfect and had rough pasts, they didn’t pry into their new brother’s mind and simply left him to his work.

Sina scrubbed a dining room table as hard as she could after dinner, finding the task difficult because of her womanly lack of strength, but her determination to appear to be a man spurred her on. A gust of wind passed through Sina as the door opened and she diverted her gaze there to see Sam, the man who had been with the Commander when she first met him. He was the only other person who knew her secret.

“Si, come with me please,” Sam called out, taking Sina by surprise.

“Yes, Maester,” she called as she hurriedly packed away her cleaning equipment. Sina followed Sam outside into the bitter winds and they trudged through snow until they arrived at the Commander’s quarters. The room was empty aside from a massive white direwolf that instantly made Sina freeze in her tracks.

“What in all seven kingdoms is that thing?” she whispered to Sam who ignored the beast and walked towards the fire to reheat his hands.

“That’s a direwolf. His name is Ghost,” Jon called as he exited his adjoining bathroom. “He’s my pet. Don’t be afraid.” After the clarification Sina relaxed slightly, but a part of her doubted that the wild animal could truly be called a pet.

“Why am I here?” she asked in her normal voice, trying to ignore Ghost’s beady red eyes that stared at her and unnerved her.

“Well, we decided that it would be best if you bathed here in privacy, instead of with the men,” Sam spoke up as Jon headed to his desk.

“Definitely a good idea,” Sina agreed with a tiny grin.

“I also have some new clothes that we can try to fit you in, and I have rolls of cloth to bind over your chest, too,” Sam continued with a gesture towards a chair that contained a significant amount of black material. “I’ll do my best to make you look like a man.” Sina smiled her appreciation and opened her mouth to voice it.

“Go bathe. Don’t be too long,” Jon grumbled, not looking up from his parchment as he carefully wrote. Sina hurried into the next room and closed the heavy door behind her. Though there were two men on the other side of the wall, she felt as though she could trust them enough and stripped down. The warm water was so relaxing that she wished she could simply lie in it for hours, but Jon’s words remained in her mind and she cleaned herself as quickly as possible. In the candlelight she dried herself and then pulled on the black undergarments that had been provided for her. They hung loosely over her frame as they were made for men to wear, but Sina was glad that she didn’t have to wear an uncomfortable corset and dress. She shyly exited the bathroom and Sam rose from his chair by the fire.

“Hold your arms out and I’ll see what I can do,” he said kindly and Sina raised her arms. The Maester wrapped the cloth around her chest tightly and effectively hid the small bulge that her breasts created. Since he remained courteous at all times, and Jon kept his head down, Sina felt at ease and respected the two men even more. After trying on a few combinations of black clothes, Sam eventually decided on an outfit that hid Sina’s waist the best, and he took a step backwards. “All done.” He smiled and Sina grinned her thanks.

“Don’t smile. It’s too soft and it makes you look like a woman,” Jon barked from his desk, snapping Sina out of her joy that she was able to stay at the Wall.

“Sorry, m’Lord,” Sina mumbled and she glanced up at Sam who nodded towards the door. She threw her cloak across her shoulders and shuffled out into the harsh winds and headed for her shared sleeping quarters.