It Never Ends

Austin’s POV:

I have no idea what I was thinking when I said that to Oli. It was like a sudden burst of confidence, but it was so unexplained and I was really confused with myself. His hazel eyes showed hatred but I feel like I could see right through it… The hate didn’t seem real, it seemed like it was forced.

Maybe I was just over reacting, but I seriously felt some kind of connection with him. That honestly bothered me more than the fact that he hated me. I felt nothing but a strong urge to make him stop hating me, almost like I needed this kid’s approval. He said I was useless, shouldn't even be alive. I didn't know whether or not to believe him. It could have been a mask, a way to hide things underneath…

I sighed and shook my head to clear it. I was over thinking things; it was getting into my head. Oli Sykes hated my guts and that was that. Nothing more I could do about it.

I closed the door to the bathroom, slowly clicking the lock on the door. I looked at myself in the mirror, reaching my hand up to slowly run it along my jaw line. I had some wrinkles of a person well beyond my age, and it was bothering me. I looked at my chest, noticing the scar from my surgery. I reached up with my tattooed arm and ran it down the white line in my chest, and sighed. I had been through a lot, but I really felt like my band had earned where we were. Anyone could say that we used people to get here, but I knew it wasn't true… Was it?
I closed my eyes and turned away from the mirror, slowly peeling my clothes from the day off. I turned the shower on and waited for it to warm up. I stepped under the steaming water and dragged my hand through my hair and kept my eyes closed.

I kept my head down, and my mind drifted back to the place that it had been so long ago. My eyes flicked open and I looked down at my arms. They were scarred, badly. You could still clearly see the pinkish scars contrasting against my tanned skin, even though one arm was completely covered in tattoos.

I deserved those scars. I was worthless, useless, just a person who used people for his own selfish needs. Oli was so right; I didn't deserve to be here, I hadn't earned any of it. I quickly turned the shower off and stepped out, slipping back into the dirty clothes I had just taken off.

Oli was right, I wasn't meant to be alive. I looked at myself in the mirror one last time before turning and pulling the door open.

I was going to make things right, nobody needed me here.

Oli’s POV:

When Austin walked away, I never went back to my bus. I didn't want to see my band mates; I had a lot on my mind at this point. Instead, I turned away and walked towards the woods. I had absolutely no idea where I was, and I didn't care. The woods looked so inviting, almost calling me in to go for a walk. I tucked my hands into my pockets and listened to the wind whistling against the treetops.

The sun had set at this point, and the stars were starting to appear in the slowly blackening sky. I walked into the woods, not caring that there was no path and I was just blindly walking into the woods. Maybe I wanted to get lost, who knows.

I carried on for a while, pushing past all the brush and just carrying on in the direction that seemed right. The woods were almost guiding me, leading me in one direction that felt completely right to my aching feet. I ignored the soreness and continued on. I felt like there was something waiting for me out there, and I had to continue on until I knew what it was.

I stopped for a second, pressing my eyes closed and strained my ears. Faintly, in the distance, I heard humming. Normally something like this would scare me, but my mind felt numb at this point. I was being pulled forward again, my legs just moving that way instinctively.

I stepped around a tree, making sure not to make a noise and froze instantly. In front on me, back towards me was Austin. I could tell it was him, he was wearing those black jeans that tightly fit around him and his loose fitting white tank top was now stained and dirty. He was humming something, quite loudly, but no words escaped his lips.

My eyes widened in surprise and I realized where we were standing. Austin was sitting on the ground, legs swinging over a wide ravine, and I could hear water rushing below us. I looked to my left and noticed a wide waterfall with jagged rocks, the white water pouring rapidly over in and bubbling into the river below us.

Austin slowly stood up, and I ducked behind the tree so he didn't see me watching him. But Austin didn't turn around; instead he started to mutter things under his breath. At first I couldn't make them out, but eventually I strained my ears enough to make out the faint words escaping his lips.

“Well Mom, I guess I’ll be joining you soon.” Austin breathes, I can hear the strain in his voice and I know he’s crying now.

“Oliver was right about me. I know you wouldn't be proud of the way I am right now…” He drags his hand through his hair and looks at the ravine below him. “I’m sorry it had to turn out this way. Everyone will be happier now that I’m gone.” At this point, I’m still frozen. But when I hear those words pouring out of his mouth, it clicks in my mind what he was going to do.

“Goodbye.” He whispers.

I look out in horror as Austin takes a step towards the edge.