It Never Ends

My mind drifted into a state of darkness, forgetting everything in the outside world. I was warm, and safe, curled in my own bed right next to Austin…

Wait… That was the problem itself! My eyes jerked open as I remembered who I was laying in my bed with. Austin Carlile. Of course, I had let him sleep in my bunk last night after the incident. The kid almost killed himself, even if I dislike him a lot, somebody had to save him. I was the only person there to help him; I had to make him believe I cared, even though I didn't… Did I?

That still doesn't explain why exactly I’m cuddled in his arms right now, and no matter what I tell myself I just can’t explain it. I know I hate him; I have to, but here in his arms just feels so comfortable and safe. I didn't want to move out of his arms, they felt so familiar and I just wanted to lay there for the rest of my life. I probably could, in all honesty. I could just forget about all my problems and expectations from everyone around me and just hide.

But I knew very well I couldn't do that. I had a life, a band, friends, family, everything going for me. I couldn't hide from any of it, I had to face the realization of who I was and the life I lead.

I turned my head to look at the sleeping boy next to me. He seemed so innocent when he was dreaming, rather than the normal intimidating, tough-guy look he normally wore on his well -defined face. His hair flopped over his face and his eyelashes twitched a bit while he slept. I was still pressed up against him and I could feel his breathing, slow and peaceful. I liked this side of him; he was just so different than the normal Austin. He wasn't here to use me, to get what he wanted and leave. I just looked at him for a few more minutes, until I noticed him moving around a little bit. He reaches his tattooed arm up to his face and scratches under his eye before moving it back down and wrapping it around me again.

He slowly opened his eyes and looked around for a second, before settling his eyes on me. For a second I was afraid he’d regret what happened and shrink away, but boy was I wrong. Instead, his lips curled into a smile as his hazel eyes gazed into my chocolate ones.

Austin leaned forward and connected his chin to the top of my head, just resting it there while my face was buried into the curve of his neck. He smelled good, like some form of cologne, and I liked it.

For a second, I thought he would lean down to kiss me, and I really don’t think I’m ready for that. I’m really not sure how I feel about Austin at this moment. One minute I hate him, never wanting anything to do with him and the next I’m curled against him in my bed. Gosh was I confusing myself…

“Oliver… I just want to thank you. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart. I’m glad I didn't end my life yesterday, I’m really glad you were there to make me realize how stupid and irrational I was being.” He seemed like he has composed those words in a genuine manner, and I accepted them.

“Austin, I don’t even know what to say to you right now… There’s so much on my mind, so much I want to talk to you about. But I don’t think we should be talking here, the guys can easily hear us and will know exactly what’s going on if we’re not careful. How about we get dressed and go for a walk or to get breakfast or something?” He seems to ponder the idea before eventually agreeing.

Now all I had left to do was to find out exactly what to say to him. What did I want to say? How did I feel? I honestly don’t know, and it’s scaring me quite a bit.