Broken and Scarred

Jennifer was on the early shift that morning, opening up the Day Care at seven thirty for the early arrivals. Her eyes were heavy, still desperate for sleep, but, alas, work had other ideas and forced her out of bed that morning, despite her desperate desire to stay curled underneath the blankets. She was greeted by her manager, who wore an unusually grave expression on her face that morning, replacing her normal cheery smile that made working in such a high-stress environment a little bit easier to tolerate.

It wasn’t an easy job. Long hours, low pay, no benefits, high stress and more paperwork than Jennifer liked to think about. Looking after other people’s little darlings, their pride and joy, along with ten other people’s precious angels wasn’t something for the faint of heart. For Jennifer, she sometimes wondered if she made the right choice after studying in college to take such an underappreciated job. Then her day would start off with a million and one hugs, and any doubts would disappear. It was a hard job, but she couldn’t see herself doing anything else. She could have worked as an elementary school teacher, she was qualified as such, but during college she realised that her interest lay more in the earlier years. She firmly believed it was important for children to get a good start in life before the entered the school system. She was also afforded the ability to be a bit more personal with the children. In a school environment, she would be forced to be more distant and aloof with the children, something she found hard to do. All in all, she was happy and content with her work, despite its shortcomings.

It was in a stark contrast to her personal life, which was a complete shambles. Her life had been seemingly perfect up until two weeks ago. She had a nice apartment, with a nice boyfriend. Derek was an average looking guy, but he was kind, and he had an amazing sense of humour. That was what Jennifer had fallen for in the beginning. No matter how bad her day had gone, he was able to make her smile in spite of herself. He was great in bed, and he was generous when it came to his time and attentions. He worked for some financial corporation, with a super long title, that really meant he was little more than a pencil pusher. A well paid pencil pusher, but a pencil pusher, none the less. He provided Jennifer with security, and when he had asked her to move into his apartment a year ago, she had gladly packed her belongings, leaving a crappy apartment, with a crappy roommate, behind.

Now, she was living with her asshole of a boyfriend, Derek, who had revealed to her only two weeks ago that he had been cheating on her with a co-worker. Her name was Debbie. Jennifer had been stunned when he told her one night over dinner. She had forced it out of him, after a week of Derek not meeting her eye and acting like a puppy who had been caught peeing on the carpet.

He had been apologetic when he had poured his guts out to her, telling her that he hadn’t meant for it to happen. He had been drunk at an office party to celebrate a successful end of quarter. It didn’t mean anything, he said. He wanted them to work it out, he told her. He said it wouldn’t happen again. In his mind, they were still together. Every night, he asked if she was coming back into their bed. Every night, she ignored him, and stayed on the couch. She would have left, but getting her own place was almost impossible on her budget. She was scouring the newspapers for ‘Roommate Wanted’, but they were either out of her price range, or just too far away for a practical commute to work. Staying with friends wasn’t an option, since none of them had a bed for her to stay on, and their couch wasn’t going to be any better than the one she was on. Her parents lived out of state, and she wasn’t ready to leave New Jersey. She loved the shitty place, even if it was dank and dirty and rough around the edges.

"Hey, Carla, is everything alright?" she asked in concern, worried at the sight of the normally bubbly woman with a frown and glassy eyes on her pretty face. She wondered if a parent had complained, or if her husband had once again been the cause of her misery. He was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve to have such an amazing wife. He took advantage of her sweet nature by running her down, and holding her back from socialising with her friends, while he spent most of his nights in the bar.

"Jamia Iero died in a car crash last night."

Jennifer’s hand clamped over her mouth in shock, all traces of tiredness leaving her as a cold shiver ran down her spine when the words registered with her. She knew Jamia and Frank quite well. Their twins had been in her care from the moment they stepped foot in the place, while their son was in the baby room as of two months previously. She had a soft spot for the couple, who were obviously still crazy in love. Jamia was a sweet woman, who always made a point of showing her appreciation for the care the girls received at every opportunity, while Frank was friendly, and much needed eye candy, at the start, or end, of the day, depending on the day of the week. Jennifer had even babysat for the couple on numerous occasions in their perfect home, something she did regularly to subsidise her low wages. The relationship she had with the couple was friendlier than the normal ‘parent-carer’ relationship she had with other parents. She had a strong bond with the girls too. She was the only carer who had stayed with the girls for the last two years, and it went without saying that they adored her too. She was the only one they listened to, and the only one they wanted when they got upset if they fell in the garden of the centre, or if another child took their toy.

"Oh, no,"she whispered, her voice a little shaky, as she processed the information.

"The children will be off for the next couple of days, at least. I was going to send flowers, maybe, and a card. We can’t forget the card. Poor Frank,” Carla muttered to herself, still in shock.

Jennifer felt the tears prick at the corner of her eyes, which she wiped away with a less than steady hand.

“What happened?” Jennifer asked, trying to make sense of it all.

“It was a single vehicle accident. Some drunk stepped out in front of her car, according to the news. She swerved to avoid him, crashed into a tree.”

“Fuck,” Jennifer breathed out, remembering hearing something on the news about it that morning on her way into work. She hadn’t paid too much attention to it, other than feeling a brief pang of sympathy for the family. Never had she thought for one second that it would be someone she knew, someone she saw every day, someone who had given her Christmas presents, and even a birthday present the year before, when the girls had insisted that they make a card for ‘their favourite teacher’.

“Those poor kids. They’ll never know their own mother.”

Silence fell, the two women taking a moment to collect themselves. Jennifer didn’t realise she was shaking, her skin prickling from a sudden coldness that was cooling her entire body down a few degrees.

“We better get the breakfast room ready,” Carla sighed, still a little pale, but her professionalism took over. As shocking and painful as the news was, they were still in work. There were still other children coming in,who needed to be taken care of, and Jennifer was thankful that it was one of their busier days, that wouldn’t afford her much opportunity to dwell on the news.

**

Of course, many parents had asked about the Ieros’. They were a small centre, and many of the parents of the children in her group would have known each other. A lot of the children had play dates outside of the centre, and the parents would bond over having children the same age while juggling the daily grind of working and parenting. Parents seemed to believe that Jennifer and Carla would have the answers to their burning questions, but the truth was that they didn’t know any more than they did. Frank’s call in the morning had been short and brisk. He hadn’t even given Carla the reason for the children not being in – he had only informed her that they would be off ‘for a short while’.

The funeral was to be held the following day. Jennifer didn’t have to request the time off to go – Carla had told her when it was, and gave her the money to buy a flower arrangement. It had been a surreal experience for her, going into a florist to ask for a funeral bouquet. It struck Jennifer that she had never actually dealt with loss before. Her grandparents had passed away before she was born, and her parents and siblings were still alive and healthy. Her parents were a bit older, but their health was perfect.

Jennifer fought to blink back tears when the realisation hit her that one day she would be back, buying flowers for her parents, or another loved one. The florist looked at her with concern, afraid that Jennifer would break down in her store. She didn’t ask if she was alright, though – the girl had dealt with enough grieving people to know it was the last question they wanted to be asked. Jennifer paid and left as quickly as she could, rushing to the safety of her car where she didn’t have to hold back the stray tears that leaked from her eyes.

“Fuck,” she hissed under her breath in the silence of her car.

A sudden need to check that her parents were still okay had her fumbling for her cell, and it wasn’t until her mother’s voice picked up the phone with a wispy ‘hello’, that Jennifer felt a little more in control of her emotions.

“Are you okay, Jen?” her mother asked, her motherly instinct kicking in, as though her motherly powers could just sense that there was more to Jennifer’s call than her mumbled excuse that she was just checking in.

“I’m fine,” she gave a mirthless laugh, and she cringed with just how fake it was.

“How are things with Derek?” her mother asked, prodding for some clue as she did when she knew Jennifer wasn’t being entirely honest with her.

“They’re…going.” Jennifer avoided giving a definite answer. Her mother would know if she was lying, but she didn’t have the strength of mind to tell her mother the mess she found herself in.

She could just imagine her mother’s response.

‘Just come back home, Jen. You have your room here, and I can have a word with Vicky about getting a job in her little place she just opened up last year.Remember I told you about it? You’re never too old to come back home, you know.’

“That sounds vague,” her mother’s voice was a little thorny, almost like a warning that she was on to Jennifer’s white lie.

“There’s just not much to tell, mom. It’s the same old, same old, really.”

“Why are you really calling, dear? You never call on a Tuesday.”

“I- “ Jennifer swallowed, her throat constricting painfully tight. She knew she wouldn’t get away with not giving a reason for her call. She kicked herself for calling, now that she knew they were okay. “A parent, the mother of the twins in my group…she died last night.”

“Oh, honey,” her mother’s voice soothed down the phone, comforting her, even from the hundreds of miles that separated them.

“I just…I babysat for her and her husband a few times. It’s just-” Jennifer stopped, unsure how to finish her sentence.

“Death is never easy for those left behind honey, especially not for the young. Her poor husband,” her mother sighed pensively.

“The funeral is tomorrow. My manager is giving me the day off, so I can go.”

“At least you get to say goodbye,” her mother said with a little more confidence in her tone.

“Yeah,” Jennifer trailed off. “I should go, mom. I’ll call you on Saturday.”

“Okay, dear. Call me if you need anything. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Jennifer smiled a tight smile, feeling somewhat comforted by her mother’s loving words.

She hung up, taking in a deep breath. She started up her car, turned up the volume on her radio, and steeled herself for a difficult morning that was to come.