My Lele Cane

I was just a seventeen year old model from Poland and I had managed to conquer the fashion world thanks to my androgynous appearance. There were a lot of unisex models in the industry but I was the only male model who looked perfectly like a woman, that’s how I became popular quickly. In all honesty being an androgynous model wasn’t as easy as I thought it would have been but I liked my job. I liked modeling more than anything this life had to offer.

It was then that I met Lele Cane. I thought everyone had given up on the idea of me modeling with another person because I clearly wanted to be alone. When other models had to work with me, I made their working hours a living hell, to the point where even supermodels gave up and left, but Lele didn’t. She was the only one who stood on her ground and had what it takes to melt the coldness of my heart while making me work with her.

I remember when I first saw her and pretended I didn’t know her. I thought she was just another model with average looks, honey brown hair and eyes. She couldn’t compete against my heavenly looks, the natural blond hair and the endless pool of blue eyes. That was my first view on her as I told her to help me put my shoes on if she wanted to work with me. I was thinking she’d leave but instead of that she actually helped me put them on with a smile on her face. She even complimented my feet but I thought she wasn’t sincere. Just like all the other models that had tried to do the same; get on my good graces so they could work with me. She was different though, I realized it from her attitude towards me. Even while we argued, she only spoke of the truth I was so afraid to admit.

I was a man. It wasn’t like I wanted to dress up as a girl all the time. Even though it was fun at first, in the end I started doing it because I didn’t want to lose my place in the world as an androgynous model. Lele had understood that without even me saying a single word about it. Maybe that was what made me want to go against her so badly that I made the photographer treat her so badly, because no one had ever tried to defy me and speak of the words she did. Maybe…

At the party later on, when the cameras left, no one talked to me like always. It was frightening how jealousy made these women act. I was used to them already so I didn’t really care, but when these men came on to me just because they thought I was interesting and alluring, when I was just a young man dressed in women’s clothing, something inside me shifted. I had the body of a girl; so slender and weak that I wasn’t able to defend myself. I actually felt afraid even though I didn’t want to admit it (amongst other things). I was skinny, really skinny. I wasn’t supposed to exercise or go to the gym in order to maintain that form that brought me money.

Lele helped me though, she grabbed two bottles of champagne and made these guys wet from head to toes before she grabbed my hand and pulled me out of there. There, bit by bit she started melting the walls I had built around my heart in order to protect myself, and when I saw her smile the next
day and how she sincerely thanked me after the photo shoot had finished, I just wanted to make her smile again. I wanted to make her smile for me – thanks to me.

When we had finally worked together without me acting as a total bitch (yes, I said bitch but only because I had casted my male side to the deepest parts of my heart), it really made me wonder why she still hadn’t asked me why I never worked with anyone else. She respected the fact I didn’t want to talk about it and considered it to be my secret, yet I told her everything. It was the fact that she was such an honest and caring person that showered everyone with a kind smile that made me want to open up to her, and I did.

I was afraid that I only had till twenty to shine as an androgynous model because my bones would eventually fill, my whole body would grow and I would look more like a man. Then I wouldn’t be able to work as an androgynous model anymore and I was afraid I would have to give up on my dream job, yet I realized that I could work hard to keep my appearance as it was. She had said my beauty was a gift from Heavens, and I would always be an extraordinary model.

These words saved me...and at the age of twenty, I was already working as a male model. She was my first love and I don’t regret it one bit. She helped me change and love myself completely. If it wasn’t for her, I might have lost myself. She’s the one woman I will always cherish and protect, always. My sweet and pure hearted, Lele.