A Kind of Contradiction

I wasn’t quite sure where my usual confidence had disappeared to over the last two days, but it was definitely back now. When Nash opened the door to the bathroom and saw me leaning against the opposite wall smirking at him, it was his turn to be nervous. He scratched the back of his neck and looked at me uneasily, the other hand stuffed deep into the pocket of his jeans.

“What are you going to tell them?” I asked, slipping past him into the bathroom so that I could brush my teeth, the door left open to continue our conversation.

“I have absolutely no fucking idea,” he replied with fake cheeriness, lingering in the doorway.

I turned away from the sink, still brushing. Because speaking wasn’t exactly on the table right now, I waited until after I’d finished brushing to give him my excellent advice. “Tell them you were taking a shit. They definitely won’t question it.”

Nash rolled his eyes. “Jesus, Cosima,” he muttered. “I could say that my sister called.”

“Or that,” I shrugged. “Or don’t tell them anything. Who cares?”

“You know how Danny gets,” Nash said, following me all the way back to my room. “He wants to know everything.”

I spun around, planting my hands on Nash’s shoulders. “You’re Danny’s favourite human being in the entire universe. Except for Scarlett Johansson, maybe. He’s not going to expect you to be lying to him.”

Nash sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. “This was never supposed to happen.”

“Do you regret it?”

He hesitated, staring back at me for a moment. “No. Do you?”

“Hey, I offered to blow you. Do you really think I would regret it if I was the one who brought it up?”

“I don’t know. You’re unpredictable,” Nash’s eyes flicked down to my mouth for the briefest moment. “What are you going to do about your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, about that,” I said, pushing the hair out of my face. “I kinda broke up with him.”

Nash’s eye widened. “What? Is that why you wouldn’t leave your room yesterday?”

I nodded. “The plan was to sulk for a week, then see if you wanted to, er, try again. But obviously that didn’t happen.”

“Yeah.”

“Nash, what the fu—“ Danny walked past my door, head whipping around as he caught sight of Nash and I standing awfully close together. “What’s going on in here?”

“Cosima was just explaining why she’s been hiding out in her room,” Nash said easily. For somebody worried about lying to his best friend just now, he was pretty good at it.

“Yeah? Why’s she been hiding, then?”

“I can answer for myself, thanks,” I said, cutting Nash off before he could utter a full word. “I broke up with the guy I was kind of seeing. Don’t start, okay? We dated for, like, two weeks. It’s not a big deal.”

“Who is this guy? And didn’t I tell you to stop going to Nash for relationship advice? He’s shit with girls.”

“Thanks, man,” Nash said with a smile, taking that moment to walk out of my room. He clapped Danny on the shoulder and went downstairs. I’d wanted to kiss him at least one more time, but my brother, as usual, ruined it.

But Danny wasn’t done with me yet, and he strode into the room with suspicion clear on his face. “You aren’t hooking up with my best friend are you, sis?”

“Why would you say that?”

Danny raised his brows, disappointed that I was skirting around his question. “Because you aren’t wearing a bra.”

I glanced down, immediately folding my arms across my chest. “Fuck off,” I swore, more in reaction to the comment than its implication. “And no, I’m not hooking up with Nash. Bras are uncomfortable. I took it off before he—“

“I don’t wanna hear that!” Danny cried, holding up his hands like they’d protect him from hearing my words.

I grinned, satisfied. “You brought it up, asshole.”

Danny made an uncomfortable noise and shivered, running out of my room. Once I’d put on a bra, I decided to go downstairs and cause a little mayhem. I was still annoyed that Nash had left before I got to kiss him again. In the back of my mind, I knew I had to be careful, because if any of this was going to last, then Danny had to remain in the dark.

I stopped in the kitchen first to grab a drink, and ran into Lucia. Since dinner didn’t need to be made, she would be leaving soon. I didn’t know what other chores she could possibly have left to do, but then I noticed the laundry basket by the door.

“You look happy,” Lucia said, while grabbing the dishtowel that hung from the oven door handle. “What happened?”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about,” I replied, throwing her a nonchalant look. I grabbed a Coke from the fridge and turned around, coming face to face with Nash.

“I was just, uh,” he stammered, lips parting in a way that made it very difficult not to kiss him. He nodded to the fridge behind me and I stepped aside, ignoring the suggestive smile Lucia was sending in my direction. Nash looked at me uneasily, rubbing the back of his neck. “Were you coming to watch the movie?”

“It’s not over yet?”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I think there’s an hour left.”

“Yeah, I’ll watch,” I said. “But I have to warn you, I’m sitting with Travis. I feel like his movie commentary will be superior to the rest of you nerds.”

On our way out of the kitchen I looked back at Lucia and scowled, because somehow she knew, and I had no idea how, and it was going to bug me until I saw her next Friday.

Travis ended up having excellent movie commentary, but I could feel Nash staring at me almost the entire time, so I hardly heard any of it. He wasn’t being subtle at all, which was supposed to be my job, so while the credits were rolling I got up and sat down next to him, squeezing myself between him and Max. “I wanna watch another movie,” I announced. “Max, do you have any recommendations?”

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the muscles in Nash’s jaw work, and knew that I’d annoyed him. Max just blinked at me, surprised to be spoken to at all. “Uh, I like the Dark Knight trilogy.”

“Is The Dark Knight your favourite? Cause it’s definitely my favourite, no matter how much I like Tom Hardy.”

“Yeah, it’s my favourite,” Max nodded.

“Speaking of Tom Hardy, and I’m totally not trying to be rude since we were just talking about watching Batman, but what about Inception? Now that is a great movie. Don’t you think, Max?” I asked, placing my hand onto his arm.

“Uh—“

“Cos,” Danny interjected. “What are you doing?”

“I was having a conversation with Max, Danny.”

My brother raised his eyebrows. “You’re scaring the hell out of the poor kid. Could you sit any closer?”

“Nash is in the way,” I stated. “I guess I could sit on Nash, but that wouldn’t be very appropriate.”

“I don’t think he’d mind,” said James, who was sitting with Travis, and the two shared a laugh.

“Fuck off,” Nash muttered.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Danny said to me. “No, that’s not it. You’re being immature as shit. My sister would never act like this.”

Next to me, Nash stiffened. The room was very quiet, and I stood up, still unsure of whether I was going to scream or cry or maybe even both. “I am your sister.”

Then I left them sitting there, wondering why I’d ever even thought it would be fun to mess around with Nash when I knew Danny was just going to be an asshole about it, and heard Nash’s voice cut through the walls halfway up the stairs.

“Nice one, man,” he said, and I could hear the disappointment in his voice. “Did you forget how much you hated the girl she was a year ago? You didn’t have a sister before, Danny. There was this girl who did everything her mom said because she was afraid of what would happen if she didn’t, but she wasn’t really your sister. That girl who just ran off, the one with the ridiculous hair and tattoos? She’s your sister. Now go apologize for being an idiot.”

I smiled, leaning back against the wall and sliding down until I was perched on the stair. People will say nice things to your face, but the things they say about you when they don’t think you can hear are just as — or even more — important.

“Hey,” said Danny, standing at the foot of the stairs with his hands shoved deep in his pockets.

“Hey.”

“So,” he sighed. “I’ll cover for you whenever you wanna sneak out and Mom’s here.”

I stood up, descending the couple of stairs that separated us, and wrapped my arms around his neck. He smelled like laundry detergent and pizza and weed, and I’d never felt comforted by that combination before, but when Danny hugged me back, I felt — for probably the first time ever — that my brother cared.

“Thanks, Danny,” I said, pulling away.

“You wanna come back to the living room and watch another movie?”

“No, I think I’m gonna take a trip to the art store. I haven’t been in a couple weeks, and I need some more graphic tape.”

Danny chuckled. “I have no idea what that is, but have fun. I’ll make sure there’s some pizza left in the fridge for you, since you hardly had any.”