A Kind of Contradiction

The house was a disaster. Fortunately, we had a ten person team (no way was I letting anyone who’d fallen asleep in the bathtub get away without picking up a few red cups first) and my excellent organizational skills, so the job got done in under an hour. There were a few nasty glares thrown at some of Danny’s lazier friends, but that in combination with Danny offering weed to whoever could recycle the most bottles was pretty motivating, even for them.

I let Julia sleep the morning away in my bedroom, sneaking in only to grab fresh clothes. Once everyone had cleared out, except for Danny and Nash, I went back up to see if she was awake. She was, though barely, and reminded me of marshmallow the way she’d cocooned herself in the comforter.

“Hey,” I said, setting down a cup of coffee on the bedside table. “Brought you some coffee. I didn’t know how you like it, so I just put a bit of sugar.”

“That’s fine,” she mumbled in a raspy voice. “God, my throat—my everything, really, hurts. Have you got any Advil?”

I dropped two pills onto the wood next to the mug. “Of course. D’you need anything else? You can stay as long as you like.”

She slowly heaved herself into a sitting position, and swallowed the pills, following them with a long pull of coffee. “Could you call Patrick for me? My phone’s in my purse over there. Just tell him I’m okay, I was supposed to do it last night but I forgot.”

The idea of talking to Patrick made my stomach twist. “Uh, would you mind if I just texted him?”

“Sure, I guess.”

I decided to text as Julia. He didn’t need to know it was me sending the message.

I’m fine. Slept over at Cosima’s. Talk later.

The reply came almost immediately, as it always did with him.

Want me to pick you up?

“He wants to know if you want him to pick you up,” I said, relaying the message to Julia.

“Sure. Tell him to give me an hour. Would it be too much to ask if I can use your shower?”

I shook my head, telling her I’d grab a fresh towel as I texted Patrick back. I ran into Nash in the hallway, hair wet from the shower he’d just taken, towel slung low on his hips. The sight of him made my insides do a little flip, and then he licked his lips and pushed the damp hair out of his eyes and I was totally gone for.

“Dude, do not walk around like that,” I said, averting my eyes with immense difficulty and opening up the hallway cupboard. “Totally unfair.”

“It’s not like I planned on ambushing you without any clothes on,” he replied with a roll of his eyes.

“By the way,” I said, turning around with the towel under one arm. “Julia’s brother — Patrick — he’s gonna be stopping by to pick her up.”

Nash raised his eyebrows. “The one you were sort of dating?”

I nodded.

“Are you okay with that?”

“Not sure yet. Are you?”

He shrugged. “Well. You aren’t his anymore, right?”

I looked at him seriously. “I was never his, Nash, don’t be sexist.”

“I know, I just—“ Nash sighed, rubbing his face tiredly. “I’m hungover, Danny’s acting suspicious, you have all these ex-boyfriends I’m suddenly aware of, it’s all a lot to take in.”

I wanted to hug him. But his towel was definitely going to fall off, and then we’d all be in quite the predicament. So I looked at him as sincerely as I could, which he seemed to understand, and went back into my room.

Inside, Julia had managed to get out of bed and took the towel that I held out to her with shaky fingers. She really was a small girl, with delicate collarbones and skinny limbs that made her slightly wider hips look a lot fuller than they really were. “Thanks,” she said softly, tucking a strand of blonde hair behind her ear. I noticed for the first time that she had dark roots (which made sense, I suppose, because her hair reminded me of daffodils, and that definitely wasn’t a natural blonde colour) and if she didn’t dye her hair, then maybe she’d look a lot more like Patrick. As it was, you wouldn’t know they were related unless you looked closely enough and saw that their eyes were the same shade of chestnut brown, and their skin was pale and cool and made their cheekbones look almost dangerous.

While she showered, I went downstairs and found Danny throwing a bunch of sheets and towels into the washing machine, and had to stop for a second because this was the first time I’d ever seen my brother do any sort of housework that didn’t involve stashing the evidence of his vices.

“Do you even know how to operate that?” I asked, arms folded over my chest. The floorboards creaked behind me, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Nash coming around the corner with his hands in the pockets of his cutoffs. He was borrowing one of Danny’s shirts, a plain black tee that was taut across his broader shoulders, and looser around his middle, where Danny still had a bit of pudge.

Danny made an offended noise and continued shoving stuff into the washer. “Do you have anything that smells like booze?”

“Yeah, but I’ll do a separate load. You’ve put too much in there already, it’s not going to wash evenly.”

My brother rolled his eyes and pulled out a few tea towels he’d used to mop up spilled beer (before he remembered we had paper towels for that). “Can you put these in with your stuff, then?”

“Sure thing. Just leave it on top, I’ll get it later.”

Breakfast had been the last thing on everyone’s minds all morning, so now that things had slowed down a little, I grabbed a pan and bowl, and all the ingredients for pancakes. It was past noon, but I really wanted something sweet and I couldn’t kiss Nash with my brother wandering around, so pancakes would have to do. While I stirred the batter, Nash and Danny came in and seated themselves at the breakfast nook with coffee, already talking about another party. It seemed like that was all they did, sometimes. In the summer, it sort of was.

Julia came down a little while later, short hair pulled into an adorable ponytail, wearing her peach dress from yesterday. The smell of alcohol still clung faintly to the fabric, but the scent of my jasmine body wash was stronger. As she approached the nook, it was Danny who slid down to give her some room. Usually the two of them didn’t communicate at all, and I knew that Julia didn’t really like Danny, so it was nice to see him show a little kindness toward her.

I’d turned back to the stove, flipping the pancakes in the pan, and felt a presence next to me. “Need a hand?” Nash asked. I glanced back at the nook, and saw Danny talking to Julia in a quiet voice, and her nodding along with a small smile on her pale lips.

“I think I’m good. But you’re welcome to stay.”

“Couldn’t sit over there,” Nash whispered. “She smells like you. It’s weird.”

I raised my eyebrows at him, fighting off a grin. “Why?”

“Because,” he mumbled, still managing to sound exasperated. “That’s your smell. God, that sounds fucking ridiculous. But you know? Everyone has a…fragrance.”

“That word isn’t better,” I informed him. “But I get what you’re trying to say. You smell like ginger and sandalwood. Also whiskey.”

“I’ve always wondered what sandalwood is,” Nash mused.

“No idea. Some chemical makes it appealing to women, I think.”

Nash grinned. “So that’s why you like me,” he said. “Because I smell like sandalwood.”

I bumped my hip against his playfully, but Nash’s eyes flashed with something else, and then he was glancing around me to see if Danny was watching before running his fingers along my arm with a featherlight touch.

We crowded around the breakfast nook, a stack of pancakes in the middle (most of which Danny ate), no words passing between us except the occasional ‘could you pass the syrup’ or ‘are there any more blueberries?’

Then the doorbell rang. Nash squeezed my knee under the table, his hand lingering there for a moment before he returned it to the table top to grab his coffee. Julia, mid-bite, glanced in surprise toward the front of the house. “Dammit, I’m not even done.”

“Uh, I guess I’ll get it,” I mumbled, meeting Nash’s gaze briefly as I stood up from the nook.

I took a deep breath before opening the door, pushing my hair back nervously. Patrick and I hadn’t really talked since I broke up with him, and my mind had been so filled with Nash these last few days that I hardly even thought about Patrick anymore.

He looked mostly the same, but his hair was a little bit shorter. Patrick’s eyes widened upon seeing me, like he hadn’t really expected to see me at my own house, and he took an involuntary step back and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m, ah, here for Julia.”

“Obviously,” I replied. “We’re just eating breakfast. D’you wanna come in?”

Patrick’s jaw tightened. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not? I thought we were good.”

“We are, I just…” Patrick sighed. “I’m not mad at you for breaking up with me, I get why you did it. But I still like you, Cosima. I don’t want to make this any harder than it has to be.”

“Julia’s just getting her stuff,” said Nash, coming up behind me and bracing his hand against the door, just above my shoulder. “Hey, man.”

“Hey,” Patrick replied, his gaze stiff. I glanced up at Nash, only to see the same expression on his face.

I groaned. “Is this seriously happening right now?”

I elbowed Nash in the stomach, making him stumble back in surprise, slipped out onto the porch and shut the door behind me. Patrick’s brows shot up, and he looked at the door to see if Nash would follow. He didn’t.

“So that’s the guy?” Patrick asked.

“It’s more complicated than you think, okay?” I whispered. “Nash and I aren’t ‘allowed’ to date, or at least that’s what he thinks.”

“You have a type,” Patrick said, appraising me with unamused eyes. “Guys you aren’t supposed to be with. What’s he then, your brother’s best friend or something?”

“Yes, alright? I know I don’t deserve it, but can I trust you not to tell anyone?”

His eyes softened. “Of course you can.”

“Thank you,” I said with the most sincerity I could muster.

The door flew open and Julia stepped out, Nash scowling behind her and Danny next to him with an easy smile on his face. “Everything okay out here?” Julia asked, suspiciously, her eyes flicking between us.

“Cosima was just telling me that you had a bit of a rough night,” Patrick lied. When I looked at my friend, it wasn’t too hard to tell that she was hungover, which was how he’d gotten to that conclusion so quickly.

The siblings went to his car and drove off without a glance back. “You didn’t have to elbow me,” Nash said, frowning at me.

When I looked over at him, I saw that Danny had disappeared inside the house. “Yes I did. You were being dumb.”

“He started it!” Nash exclaimed. I just raised my eyebrows at him, since he’d proved my point all on his own.