Daydreamer

High in the clouds.
Nothing can touch me.

There’s nothing to worry about.

Unlike in reality, I feel safe and secure here.
I have control.

I lie onto a cloud and look up into the sunset lit sky.

Why can’t I stay here forever?
Every time I leave, reality hits me hard in the face.

Anger. Irritation. Sorrow. Numbness.
Every time I leave, at some point I lose control of my life.

I don’t want to face that again.

Especially now.

I don’t want to think about it.
But, it’s too pressing to ignore.

The clouds and the sky dissipated and I was back in my room, lying on the bed.
I looked towards the window to see the sun setting.
Four hours.

I want to go back. I don’t want to be here.

/ / /

The diner is so lively.
Everyone seems so happy. They all laugh and converse without a care in the world.

Why can’t I be like that?

“Yo, Earth to Tyler.”

I shifted my gaze, hearing Skyler’s voice.

“Hm?”
“You haven’t touched your food. Are you sick or something?”

Michael gave me a concerned look, but I brushed it off.

“I…I was just thinking a little. That’s all.”
I gave them all a small smile and stuffed a curly fry into my mouth.

The guys went back to their conversations. However, Michael remained silent.

Fingers brushed against mine before they intertwined.
In a matter of seconds, Michael and I were holding hands under the table.

“Tyler…”
His breath ghosted against my ear when he whispered my name.

“Don’t start, Michael…” I whispered back.

I pulled my hand away and stood up from the table, walking away from it afterwards.

“Hey! Where are you going, Tyler?” AJ was calling after me.
“I just need some fresh air. I’ll be back.”

I stepped outside and took in a deep breath, exhaling it before I leant against the wall.

The stars were out, dotting along the navy-blue sky.
The world was below me. I passed by each of the stars.

Some continued to shine brightly. Others were getting close to expiring.

I gingerly held a dying star in my hand and watched as its light began to fade.

It’s so sad. It’s going to disappear, and no one will notice.
No one will take the time to care.

“It’s gonna be okay. You lived a fulfilling life. It’s okay to let go…”

I gently brushed my thumb against it and it gave off one last flicker before dying away completely.

It’s unfair.

It’s all so unfair.

“Tyler?”

I was back on the ground and Michael was standing next to me.

“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
He wiped the tears away.

“Y-You’ll think it’s stupid…”
“I won’t.”
He looked me directly in the eyes.

“I promise that I won’t.”

I bit down on my lip.

“I saw a star…it just died…it faded away in my own hands. The sad thing is…no one will notice. No one will care. It’s unfair, Michael…!”

He shook his head and gave me a small smile.

“W-What?”
“Tyler…When stars die, they don’t fade away. They cause a massive explosion within themselves.”

I felt the heat rush to my cheeks as I brought my gaze to the ground.

“Hey...It's okay. If it makes you feel better…”
He wrapped an arm around my waist and hooked his finger under my chin, tilting my head up towards the sky.

“…The star was probably large enough to cause a supernova, creating more stars in the process. The cycle continues.”

I rested my head against his chest.

“I can’t believe I’m talking sentimental about some fuckin’ stars.”
He let out a light chuckle.

I shrunk more into myself.

“I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be. You know I’m there for you whenever.”

He wrapped his other arm around my waist, bringing us closer.

I love when we’re this close. I feel a little safer…

He inched his face towards mine, our lips only centimeters apart.

But…

I turned my head away before he could close the gap.

I didn’t look at him. I already knew he was hurt.

“It’s like you said earlier, Michael…”
I moved away from his grip.

“…It’s not a good time for this. I’m not stable enough. Far from it, actually. I’m sorry…”

It was silent for a moment. I was afraid that I angered him.
He placed his hand on my head and ruffled my hair a bit.

“Come on, the guys are waiting for us back inside.”

He moved his hand away and walked inside.

I stood there.

It was bound to happen.
I left the sky, I lost control of my emotions, and I ended up hurting Michael.

At that moment, I wanted to disappear.