Daydreamer

“What the fuck was last night about?”
Tyler was at my house again, lying on the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

“Don’t zone out now. I need answers, Tyler!”
I grabbed him by the shoulders and sat him up, sitting down next to him on the couch.

He didn’t protest.

“Tyler…Please. Come back. Tell me what’s wrong. Tell me why you’ve been acting like this!”
His eyes met mine as a couple of tears fell from them.

I shook my head and wiped his tears away.

“What happened to us? We used to tell each other everything…We were always there for each other…and now…”
My hands shook slightly.

He broke down into sobs, more tears falling down.

“I-I’m sorry, Michael…! I’m so sorry…!”
“No…No, it’s not like that, Tyler…!”

I placed both of my hands on the sides of his face and wiped more of his tears away with my thumbs.

“I’m really worried about you, y’know…? I don’t know what I would do if anything bad happened to you…!”

He gently removed my hands from his face and leant in. I closed the gap between us, letting our lips meet.
One kiss after another, I slipped my shaky hands under his thighs, lifting him up and setting him down so that he was straddling me.

Another kiss, another touch.
I stopped to look at him.

Sad, blue eyes looking up at me. Tear-stained cheeks.

I kissed his lips again and trailed down his jawline as he rolled his hips against mine, letting out a soft moan.
I stopped when I reached his neck.

A couple of dark circular marks.

I shouldn’t say anything. I should just let it go.
But…

“Tyler…Who was at your house last night?”

He tensed up before he tried to move away from me, but I wouldn’t let him.

“Tyler—”
“I was alone…!”

“You’re lying…”
“No, I’m not—!”

“Then explain the marks on your neck. They’re hickeys, right?”
“M-Michael…”

His lips quivered, signaling that he was about to cry again.
I grabbed his hands and held onto them.

“Tyler, all that I’m asking is that you tell me the truth. Please…”

He was silent, and then with reluctance, he moved off of me, standing up from the couch.

“I’m sorry, Michael…I can’t tell you…I’m sorry…”
“Why not?!”
I stood up as well, positioned directly in front of him.

“I just can’t! Please understand that I can’t!”

I grit my teeth together and balled my hands – which were still shaking – into fists.

“Why the fuck are you acting like this, Tyler?! Why won’t you let anyone in?! Y-You…! You always zone out instead of facing your fuckin’ problems or asking your friends for help! What if something happens and you zone out, and then you end up dead in a ditch somewhere?! Do you know how much that fuckin’ scares me, Tyler?!”

I un-balled my hands as they continued to shake uncontrollably.
My anger was increasing, and he, not responding, only made it worse.

“Say something!”

He shook his head and dropped his gaze to the ground.

“Tyler…!”
Before I could say anything else, he turned away from me and headed towards the door, leaving soon afterwards.

/ / /

This is probably the worst one I’ve had.
I barely remember. I was so angry. I couldn’t control it.

I leaned on the couch, observing the scenery around me.

Broken glass from picture frames…Chairs knocked over – a leg on one of them was broken…Various items littered the floor, including batteries from the TV remote that I launched against a nearby wall and my cellphone…Papers – some were ripped…My knuckles, covered in blood…

My hands were still shaking, but I wasn’t angry anymore.
Too tired to be angry…

I still worried about Tyler, and now I felt guilty.

I want to call him. I want to apologize to him, and beg him to come back here.
I want to hold him in my arms, kiss him, and play with his hair. I want to comfort him.

I bit down on my lip.

What about the future?
I want him to be my one and only. I want to make love to him and take his virginity. I want us to be together and grow old together.

I looked up at the ceiling and let a tear fall.

How can any of those things happen when he’s unstable?

How can I do any of those things when I’m unstable?