Hopeless Romantic

It was a lazy sort of evening in my palace, and I could hear the birds crying their songs through the open window of my bedchamber. The sun fell in a thin beam on my bed, while dust motes swirled in the gold-tinted air that sang of the final hours of daylight. I breathed in the scent of the lilac tree outside my room. It was gorgeous outside today, by what I could see of the world beyond my window. It was tinged, however, with a terrible mindless frustration. My father, of all the times, had decided that I needed to stay in and see to my responsibilities. No doubt he was irritable because he felt I had no responsibilities. He seemed to overlook the fact that I don't have any, and when I brought that to his attention, he sent me to my room, where I would stay until he felt I had learned not to disobey him.
I was working on a new drawing of an angel at the time. I had started it months ago, perfecting the arch of her cheek and the flow of the waves, and was finally putting the finishing touches on it. She was perched on a cliff, sitting pondering some great mystery unbeknownst to the world, while the waves battered the shoreline beneath her. In the distance there was my palace on the edge of the two great kingdoms together. Sadly, that is how I knew it to be just fantasy. These kingdoms would never be joined in anything but combat. Oh, but it was nice to dream sometimes.
Out of the blue, I heard a knock on the door of my chamber. It was probably just a chambermaid or servant, out to see if I wanted anything, but perhaps it was my father coming to release me from this cooped up place.
"Enter!" I said, moving my picture to the side of the desk, under some other papers.
The door opened slowly, and I heard a quite uncertain yet infinitely gorgeous feminine voice. I had heard that voice before, but never here.
"Hello? Gwendolyn?" she said.
My heart pounded, and I spun around. It was Lynette! When she removed the cloak which had been covering her face, I saw her in all her glory. She was stunning today.
"Lynette!" I exclaimed, ushering her in. "Come in, quickly! Please tell me nobody saw you."
If anyone found her...there's no telling what could happen. Oh, but she wanted to see me despite the risk. She made me feel I could accomplish things, that I could be destined for more than this. If only we could be together and not have to hide. That I wanted more than anything. To parade about, arm in arm, as proud lovers. She smiled, walking over to where I now stood.
"Nobody saw me, don't worry. I just had to see you." she said. I moved over to where she was standing. She spread her arms, beaming, and we embraced warmly.
I pulled back to ask in wonder, "How did you get here?" She quirked her lips slightly, tossing her long braid over her shoulder. "Declan brought me here. He told me that you were...indisposed at the moment, and he offered to bring me. He's waiting outside in the courtyard, talking to some attendants, no doubt to give me some time. He's wonderful, isn't he? I wouldn't take too much of a risk, I just had to see you again. I wish I could see you more often."
I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, and sat down on the chair. She moved over to stand next to me, and then saw my painting, leaning over my shoulder.
"What is that? Oh, it's an angel." She took a breath, admiring it. "It's gorgeous." She leaned close, and tilted her head to better see the picture. She was almost touching me, sending shivers down my spine.
"Did you use a model for this? Don't tell me you just imagined it off the top of your head." she asked, innocently enough.
"It's you, though it hardly does you justice." I said, heart going pit-a-pat in my chest.
"I'm an angel?" she smirked, or rather tried to. Her mouth was beautiful no matter how it twisted.
"Yes." I said without hesitation. "You are an angel. You should believe it with all your heart. I certainly do." I said, glancing at her out of the corner of my eye with a faint smile.
"You are so kind." she said, then glanced at it a second time. "What's that in the background? Your palace?" I sighed, wistful. "It's actually our two kingdoms combined. I know, it would never happen. But I wish it would, I really do. Maybe one day...one day we might not have to hide. We would be free. I want that more than anything else."
She curved her lips in that stunning smile, the one that said it was going to be all right, no matter what happened. The smile that made me want to conquer the world, because she would be there by my side. I often thought how I liked her mouth just like that. More than that, I liked when I caused her mouth to do that. It was the best feeling in the world. Still, I could not get over the nagging feeling that this whole relationship would not work out. It was always nice to dream, but it doesn't get us anywhere. If dreams were horses, then beggars would ride. No one could ever find out about us. It was maddening being trapped in my position sometimes. Just being in the same room together made me happy, but I could not pursue it. Sometimes I wished we could just run away from these troubles. To make a new life. To be released from all these doubts. It's an impossible world we live in, full of doubts, but if you scratched an inch below the surface, you could find bliss.
As if sensing my thoughts --which she could do uncannily, even in the short time we had known each other-- she smiled and reached out to my hair, stroking it gently. "Penny for your thoughts?" she said, snapping me out of my reverie. I guess I must have been thinking for a while, to arouse a response like this.
I chuckled. "You'd have to be very rich then. I was just..." My heart fluttered as I spoke, while my head warned me against what I was doing. "I was thinking about how good you are to me. How beautiful you are. When you walked in, my day simply turned around. I love everything about you. You're everything I've ever wanted, and I just wish we could be together. It's all because of this idiotic war. There's no point to it. I just wish the kings would find a way, just some way to make it all better. They have to change sooner or later, or nobody will win. Nobody has won."
She sighed, curving her mouth slightly in a sad little smile. "I know." That same wistful look I had earlier was in her face now, poisoning her lovely eyes. "I know." She whispered.
For a moment, she said nothing, just sat there with that look in her eyes. Then she spoke. "You're too good to me, Ari. You..." Her voice caught in her throat a little. "I don't know what to say, really. I'm not gifted with the ability to make such words. I just wish more than anything we didn't have to hide. You are the one for me, I'm sure. I... I love you."
My brows met for a second. She loved me as much as I loved her, maybe more, and I would be a fool not to say that made me beyond happy. I just didn't want to be hurt by someone else's hate. Not now. I have every right to love! Every person alive has a right to true love. It's not a want, it's a need, not a privilege, but a right. It's what makes life full and wonderful. Love builds bridges where before none existed. You never lose by loving someone, but you always lose by holding back.
She exhaled deeply, and leaned her head on my shoulder. My heart had still not slowed down. She was not even supposed to be in this area! Her father thought she was visiting her friend. But then again, he was not the most attentive father ever. To be very direct and somewhat harsh, he was a drunk. Everyone knew this full well. Still, so much was being risked. He may be a drunk, but he wasn't blind. But she didn't seem to be afraid, and I tried to be as calm as she appeared. She was the master of composure.
Her hands went down to my neck and rubbed it gently, tenderly, sending a surge of emotion through me. Then, as if an afterthought to the motion, or maybe what she had been thinking all along, she leaned close to me, and planted a tender kiss on my cheek. Then, she took my hand, and moved me slowly to my bed. I balked, and could tell she was worried too, but she was ever so good at hiding it.
"What if someone comes? We can't do this. It was different when we were alone. What abo--"
She silenced me with a finger on my lips. "Shhhh..." She smiled. "It will be alright. Nothing bad will happen. Just for a moment, pretend everything's alright. Pretend we're living without fear, without restriction. Just living for today. For this moment, right now."
"We can't..." I stifled a sob. "This will never work."
"It doesn't matter what will happen. Don't think about it. Please. Just kiss me." She pleaded with me, even though I couldn't change things. Even though I desperately wished I could. Her eyes were closed, focusing on the plea as if it took all her being to control it.
"Please." she said again, now opening her eyes, which were filled to the brim with tears.
I put my face into my hands, and sobbed quietly. "We can't do this. I'm so sorry..."
She put a hand on my shoulder, and drew her brows together. She was probably thinking the same things as I was. She put her arms around me, firmly but comfortingly. I smelled the musk of her skin. "I know." she whispered. Then, without another word, she got up and walked out the door, the only sound being her feet on the floor and my carefully censored sobs of frustration. When the door clicked quietly in the latch, I threw myself on the bed, and the tears which had been waiting to escape the confines of my eyes consumed me completely.