Evanescence

I watch as your thin body moves quickly past my bedroom door. You think I'm asleep but I'm not. I'm right out of bed, following behind you as you go into the bathroom. The door slams in my face and I jump back, startled.

I don't know why I am so startled. I should be used to this. It's a daily routine, progressing even more over the years.

You wake up, you spend an hour staring in the mirror; pulling at your stomach and your thighs. I sit on your bed, watching as you scream at the mirror. You say your fat, I say you're not. You turn to me, spitting vicious words at me while tugging on your skin.

We see differently, you and I.

You see a monster in the mirror.

I see a frail girl, broken and brittle.

You need help but you won't listen to me.

I'm stupid and don't know what it's like.

I lean against the opposite door of the bathroom, listening to you gagging on the other side. It's pointless, you know that, I know that. You haven't eaten in days, what do you expect to see in the toilet? Your stomach acid and blood, of course.

I hear the clattering noise of the scale on the bathroom floor and I get closer to the door. I turn the knob and peek in. You're naked, your body matches the weather...overcasting and grey. I hold my breath, just like you, as you step on the scale.

That's when I open the door. You don't look back though. I peek over your shoulder, both of us are still holding our breaths in.

The red dial teeters between 99 and 102

You're praying for less.

I'm praying for more.

I win, you lose. Bang, you're dead.

It stops at 102

I exit the bathroom as quickly as I entered.

The door slams shut again and I hear glass breaking. I chew on my fingernails, unsure of what to do. The door opens and you walk out, your eyeliner running down your sunken cheeks.

I make a quick check for blood. I see none and open my mouth to say something. You shake your head and walk past me. That's when I see it. The broken mirror, the glass on the floor. You threw your scale at the mirror. Now how are you going to find out how much you weigh?

We're sitting at the dining room table. I'm eating my breakfast and you're sipping yours.

I tell you that you need to eat and you tell me to fuck off.

That's fair enough, but don't ever say I never tried to save you.

I tried, I really did.

I threw you a rope when you were drowning out in the sea.

You took that rope and turned it into a necklace and placed it around your neck.

You told me that you were leaving this earth and by the time I believed it, it was too late.

If this was a class, you'd get a passing grade for that vanishing act.