Dysphoria

Nate drove and both of us stayed silent for three hours. I had managed to see myself in the mirrors and it made me want to cringe. I had dried blood on my face, a fading black eye, dirt smeared on my cheeks, and my blonde hair was matted and greasy. My stomach grumbled and I leaned my head against the window. Nate pulled into the parking lot of a motel and looked at me.

“Come on.”

I turned around and stared at him, “if anyone sees me in this state, they’ll either call the cops or call an ambulance. I’m guessing neither ideal.”

His eyes seemed to search mine before he gave in and opened his door, “don’t make me regret this, Erin.”

He sauntered off to the office and I twiddled my thumbs. I had no idea what he was planning or if I could trust him, but I was out of options. I’d rather be around one person instead of multiple.

Soon, Nate exited the office and opened the door for me before getting a bag out of the backseat. I slipped out of the car and followed him silently to our room. He sat his duffle bag on one of the beds and unzipped it.

“Sit,” he ordered, pointing to the other bed.

I shuffled to it and sat down. The room was cold and my thin tank top wasn’t keeping me warm. I shivered and rubbed my hands together as Nate turned around to face me. He had a first aid kit in his hand and he knelt down on his knees. He took my chin and turned my head in different directions before pushing around my nose. I closed my eyes and let out a hiss as he applied pressure.

“Looks like Carver broke your nose,” he stated, “this is going to hurt like a bitch.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and began to ask what was going to hurt, but he began to push on the sides of my nose. Tears pricked my eyes and I let out a string of curses. Nate soon removed his hands and looked at me.

“It will probably stay a little crooked, but this is as good as it is going to get.”

I opened my eyes and let out a whine, “where did you learn to do that?”

Nate smiled slightly as he pulled out disinfectant, “I’ve had my fair share of broken noses. It’s much cheaper if you just learn to do them.”

He grabbed my hands and applied the disinfectant and a few bandaids. After he was finished, he stood up and picked up his keys.

“You should probably get a shower. I’ll go get food.”

I nodded and watched as he left. Now would be the perfect time to leave, but he wanted the same as me and he helped me escape from the others. I definitely didn’t trust him, but I could stick around. There isn’t much hope to get very far without a vehicle and no money. I stood and walked into the bathroom. With the shower turned on and heating, I stripped and climbed under the warm spray. I washed myself carefully due to the bruises that covered me. After all the dirt, dust, and grime was scrubbed off of me, I stepped out of the tub and quickly dried with the towel. I slipped on the tank top and shorts, but skipped the bra and panties. They were disgustingly dirty and I was not going to wear them until we hit a laundry mat. I wrapped the towel around my hair and crossed my arms in front of my chest as I stepped out. I was a D cup, so it was obvious that I wasn’t wearing a bra.

Nate was sitting on the bed and turned around as the door opened.

His mouth twitched in what I assumed was a smile and I sat on the other bed. He handed me the bag with food and I quickly ate the burger and fries, picking off an onion every few bites.

“There is a pretty popular bar not too far from here. I’ll bet your father came through, as well. We should go ask questions tonight,” he spoke and I looked up.

“Yeah. I’m going to need clothes though,” I spoke, “and shoes.”

“We should get you hair dye as well.”

I raised an eyebrow and touched the towel, “Why?”

“So you’ll be a bit harder to recognize?” He said as if it was obvious.

“Are you going to dye your hair? I asked as I pointed at his dark brown hair.

“No.”

“Why?”

Nate rolled his eyes and kicked his shoes off as he laid back on his bed, “I don’t need to dye my hair.”

I crossed my arms, but didn’t retort. Standing up, I walked into the bathroom and brushed my hair. As I walked back in a saw the trash and threw it in the bin before looking out the window at the rising sun. I jumped as a small snore escaped Nate and I turned around to see him. He looked so relaxed and nothing like the controlled man I saw earlier. He let out another snore that was louder.

Must be from all of his broken noses.

I climbed onto my bed and laid on my belly. I must’ve laid there for thirty minutes, but I couldn’t get to sleep. Thoughts were crawling through my head like little bugs and I couldn’t seem to focus on just one.

“No.”

I sat up quickly and looked at Nate. His tan arms were tight, as if he was restraining himself, and he had a firm grip on the sheets. If he didn’t look so tense, I would have thought I imagined him speaking.

“No!” He yelled this time. I slid off the bed and touched his arm. Nate’s eyes snapped open and he gripped my wrist with his other hand. His dark brown eyes held a dark rage and he quickly let go of me. I removed my hand as if he had burned me and stepped back, stumbling over the other bed. His breathing was jagged and I laid down with my back to him.

I was awfully curious about his dream, but the darkness in his eyes scared me. He had seen some shit and I had a feeling it wasn’t simple.

Finally closing my eyes, I managed to fall asleep.

∆∆∆∆

I sat up and rubbed my eyes as I looked around the room for Nate. The bathroom door opened and he stepped out with only his jeans hung low on his hips.

“Morning,” I greeted sleepily.

“Afternoon,” he corrected as he entered the room and rummaged through his things.

I’ve seen a naked man plenty of times; I wasn’t staring at him because of his lack of clothing, but because of the tribal tattoo that began on his left hip, went up the left side of his chest, over his shoulder, and down his back. It was simply breathtaking.

Nate pulled a white wifebeater on and I turned my gaze down as he turned to face me, “get dressed. We’ll go get clothes, but you should probably put a bra on.”

I could feel my face heat up as I quickly crossed my arms in front of my breasts, thankful that the top was black. Nate cracked a smile and slipped on his shoes, so I gathered my things and entered the bathroom to get dressed.

After I was finished, I managed to look somewhat presentable. Exiting the bathroom, I put the ugly shoes on and nodded at Nate. He grabbed his keys and exited the room with me following after him.

We went to Walmart and bought three pairs of pants and three tops each. We also bought new undergarments. The clothes weren’t fashionable, but I guess they’d get the job done. When we left the large store, I took a sip of the water bottle and turned towards Nate.

“We need to go to a shoe store.”

He turned his gaze towards me for a moment before looking back at the road. “Why?”

“I need two pairs of shoes,” I said matter-of-factly.

“You have a pair of shoes!”

I narrowed my eyes, “they don’t even fit!”

“Erin.”

“Nate,” I responded, “I’m the one dying my hair.”

He let out a groan and soon we were pulling into a shoe store parking lot. I jumped out of the car and raced into the store.

Shoes were my guilty pleasure.

After about thirty minutes of shoe shopping, I decided on two pairs and we left the store after paying. We stopped by a drug store and quickly picked out a brown hair color.

We finally made it back to the motel and I immediately started on my hair. I was less than thrilled that I was going a dull brown, but I smeared the dye all over my hair anyway. Once I was finished, I sat on the floor and waited for fifteen minutes to pass.

“Thank you for the clothes and shoes,” I mumbled and paused, “and for helping me look for my dad.”

Nate looked at me and nodded, “what about your mother?”

“What about her?”

“Where is she?” He asked.

I shifted and looked down, “Depends on what you believe. She’s dead.”

I could tell he was about to push the subject, but I quickly stood up and looked at the clock. “My fifteen minutes are up.”

Rushing off into the bathroom, I showered quickly and stood in front of the mirror with a pout.

I hated the brown.

Wrapping a towel around myself, I realized my clothes were still in the room and resisted the urge to groan.

How cliche.

I opened the bathroom door and walked to my shopping bags. Picking out my clothes, I headed back towards the bathroom, but not before sneaking a peek at Nate. He wasn’t even looking at me. I wanted to let out a sigh of relief, but I may have been hoping he’d snuck a glance at me like I did at him this morning.

Pulling on my clothes, I exited the bathroom once again and pulled my new boots on. Nate looked at me and nodded towards the door.

“Ready?” He asked and I nodded.

∆∆∆∆

Nate drove us to the bar and he wasted no time asking the patrons about any other new faces they’ve been seeing. I crossed my arms. He didn’t even know what my father looked like so he couldn’t explain to them. I let him continue his investigation as I headed to the bar. Taking a seat, I ordered a coke and whiskey. The bartender came back with my drink and I took a sip.

“So,” I asked the man and he turned his gaze towards me, “what’s a handsome man like you doing serving drinks?”

He shrugged and gave me an answer as I pretended to listen. I may not have had the fighting spirit like Grace, but I knew how to sweet-talk. A little flattery goes a long way.

I conversed with the man for a few minutes and it was obvious that he was enjoying the attention I gave him. Leaning forward so my camisole would show a bit more cleavage, I smiled, “I bet you’re really good at remembering faces.”

The bartender shrugged, “I have a good eye.”

“I actually need help finding a face,” I spoke as I touched his hand.

He smiled and nodded, “what do you need?”

“He’s in his fifties, about six foot, real short grey hair, blue eyes. He probably wasn’t here too many times.”

“Yeah. He stopped by to talk to Johnson about three days ago,” he answered.

“Johnson?”

“The owner of this place,” he clarified, “that’s why it’s called Johnson’s.”

I nodded, “and where is Johnson?”

He pointed to a door to my right. “That’s his office. He’s usually in there.”

I smiled and removed my hand as someone called out to him. Turning around, I slid off the seat and walked towards Nate.

“You were sure getting close with that bartender,” he quipped.

I snorted and sat with him at the table, “I managed to get more information than you.”

Nate turned to me with sudden curiosity and I continued, “my dad was here three days ago. The last person to see him was the owner, who is in that office right now.”

He nodded and stood up. I followed him and knocked on the door. It opened quickly and a gruff voice told us to go away as he began to shut the door.

“I’m Erin Patterson,” I stated and the door opened fully a few seconds later.

A man about my father’s age stood in front of us.

I could practically smell creep on him.

“Little Erin?” He questioned, “where is your sister? Faith, was it?”

“Grace,” I corrected.

Johnson waved a hand and motioned for us to follow him in. “So what is it you need, Erin Patterson?”

“Where is my father?”

Johnson shrugged, “I can’t seem to remember. I have this terrible short term memory, but it is usually cured by the lovely sight of green presidents.”

Nate scoffed, “we are not giving you any money!”

The older man threw his hands up, “then it seems I can’t remember where Alexander mentioned he was going.”

Nate shook his head and grabbed my wrist, “we’re leaving.”

“Did your daddy ever tell you why you had to move so much?”

I stopped at Johnson’s words, “his research was dangerous and he didn’t want it to end up with the wrong people.”

Johnson let out a short laugh, “oh how sad. Your dear dad is a damn liar. He used to work for very powerful people, but left and took his research with him. Alexander never looked like a killer, but I guess that’s how he got you.”

I spun around and glared at the greasy man, “you are lying. He had very important research that couldn’t be found! He’s never killed anybody. He’s not a liar!”

“You put so much faith in a man that will only let you down. If you’re not going to pay me, get out. I have a journal to get back to,” he snapped as he motioned towards his laptop.

I followed Nate out of the bar and shook my head. “He’s wrong.”

“Let’s not focus on his words right now,” Nate said as he grabbed my shoulders, “we need to figure out where your father went.”

I let out a sigh and leaned against his car. We both stood in silence, trying to put pieces together.

“He mentioned a journal,” I finally suggested.

Realization dawned on Nate’s features and he nodded, “alright, so we break in after closing and look at the logs on his computer.”

“Break in?”

“I’m sorry. Do you want to ask him for his private journals?” He asked sarcastically.

Rude.

∆∆∆∆

It was about four in the morning when Johnson finally left. Nate and I left our spot and he made quick work of the lock. I followed him inside and we entered Johnson’s office. Nate opened the laptop and let out a growl.

“What?’ I whispered.

“Password protected.”

I looked around the room, searching for anything that might give us a clue. There were plenty of pictures of porn stars, but I doubted one of them could be it. There was a mug with ‘Johnson’ engraved, a tee shirt that read ‘Johnson’s bar’, a recipe for some type of drink, and a picture of himself.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “isn’t the name of this place Johnson’s?”

Nate shrugged, “Yeah. Why?”

I reached over his shoulder and typed in ‘Johnson’. The screen changed to his desktop and Nate let out a laugh.

“How egotistical can one man be?” I mumbled as Nate searched for the journal.

He clicked on the journal marked June 13th and it opened. He skimmed the words as I looked around the room nervously.

“According to Johnson, your father said he was heading towards California.”

“That’s the other side of the country! We might still be able to catch up to him!” I exclaimed.

Nate nodded and shut off the computer.

“Let’s leave tomorrow.”