The Lost Souls
January
I saw him throughout the hallway and build the courage to say something. Anything.
"Hey."
"Oh, Hey!" He smiled.
We moved on.
The next day was the same just as the day after that. It was getting nowhere until I stopped him and said, "Why so serious?" It caught him off guard and he responded "serious? Ha ha! I'm just thinking about stuff."
We began to yell each others name as soon as we saw each other in the hallway. It was the highlight to my mornings and it made me hate school a little less because seeing his smile and receiving a tight hug was one of the best feelings ever. We never wanted to let go but we had to get to class before the second bell would ring.
We had started to spending lunch together because my new friend wanted to sit with her boy group. I didn't always get to sit next to you but sitting across from you or one person away was good enough. As long as I was somewhat near you, I was happy even though I didn't show it.
We got together to do math homework at the public library a few times. I felt so dumb because what i didn't understand in class turned out to be super easy once he explained it to me. We would laugh and talk about almost anything, too. I always got a little sad when he had to cancel. But it was made up with the night chatting online before his bedtime.
At school, there is table in front of the boy group where there was a friend I made in summer school. She sat there to eat lunch with her friends. In summer school she used to talk to me about forming a band where I play guitar and she would sing.
She happened to know him from Madrigals and wanted him to do backup vocals and screamo, and his best friend to play guitar. She, he, and I knew a guy who played piano and we asked him if he wanted to be in our band; he did. My summer school friend eventually started to sit with the boy group and we would talk about what we could do for the band and when we would meet up. I was excited to hang out with him and everyone and be part of a band.
Life seemed to have been looking up for me, even though in the background there was a dark mist of chaos, and the faint tint of severe depression, intimidation, and hurt I was trying to hide from other relationships and friendships.
I jumped into a relationship with an amazing girl in fear of a guy trying to posses me. I wasn't thinking about the possibility of him and I being anything serious because I still wanted to get to know him. After that first band practice, i didn't want the day to end.
I really wished my dad had decided to not come home that night... my mom was out of the country visiting her family while he was in charge of us. But he would come so late and that Sunday he decided to come home early. He wasn't so pleased about him being there, but it was OK because I didn't care what he thought and I told him it was OK. Not to worry. So I asked you to stay a little longer... a little longer...a another hour... I just didn't want him to go until I could find out something I thought was very important. We sang to songs, we showed each other our favorites, and he taught me how to play a few riffs from songs. I started to notice something... you found the chance to bring her up in almost every song we played on YouTube. I had ignored it but I decided to stop ignoring it. She really broke your heart and you still have feelings for her... so where would I fit in the picture? That's right... no where. You would be preoccupied with thoughts and memories of her. Maybe it was too soon, anyway. As you looked at the screen, singing to Little Piece of Heaven, i vowed for myself to block any feelings that were further than what "friend feelings" were supposed to be.
"Hey."
"Oh, Hey!" He smiled.
We moved on.
The next day was the same just as the day after that. It was getting nowhere until I stopped him and said, "Why so serious?" It caught him off guard and he responded "serious? Ha ha! I'm just thinking about stuff."
We began to yell each others name as soon as we saw each other in the hallway. It was the highlight to my mornings and it made me hate school a little less because seeing his smile and receiving a tight hug was one of the best feelings ever. We never wanted to let go but we had to get to class before the second bell would ring.
We had started to spending lunch together because my new friend wanted to sit with her boy group. I didn't always get to sit next to you but sitting across from you or one person away was good enough. As long as I was somewhat near you, I was happy even though I didn't show it.
We got together to do math homework at the public library a few times. I felt so dumb because what i didn't understand in class turned out to be super easy once he explained it to me. We would laugh and talk about almost anything, too. I always got a little sad when he had to cancel. But it was made up with the night chatting online before his bedtime.
At school, there is table in front of the boy group where there was a friend I made in summer school. She sat there to eat lunch with her friends. In summer school she used to talk to me about forming a band where I play guitar and she would sing.
She happened to know him from Madrigals and wanted him to do backup vocals and screamo, and his best friend to play guitar. She, he, and I knew a guy who played piano and we asked him if he wanted to be in our band; he did. My summer school friend eventually started to sit with the boy group and we would talk about what we could do for the band and when we would meet up. I was excited to hang out with him and everyone and be part of a band.
Life seemed to have been looking up for me, even though in the background there was a dark mist of chaos, and the faint tint of severe depression, intimidation, and hurt I was trying to hide from other relationships and friendships.
I jumped into a relationship with an amazing girl in fear of a guy trying to posses me. I wasn't thinking about the possibility of him and I being anything serious because I still wanted to get to know him. After that first band practice, i didn't want the day to end.
I really wished my dad had decided to not come home that night... my mom was out of the country visiting her family while he was in charge of us. But he would come so late and that Sunday he decided to come home early. He wasn't so pleased about him being there, but it was OK because I didn't care what he thought and I told him it was OK. Not to worry. So I asked you to stay a little longer... a little longer...a another hour... I just didn't want him to go until I could find out something I thought was very important. We sang to songs, we showed each other our favorites, and he taught me how to play a few riffs from songs. I started to notice something... you found the chance to bring her up in almost every song we played on YouTube. I had ignored it but I decided to stop ignoring it. She really broke your heart and you still have feelings for her... so where would I fit in the picture? That's right... no where. You would be preoccupied with thoughts and memories of her. Maybe it was too soon, anyway. As you looked at the screen, singing to Little Piece of Heaven, i vowed for myself to block any feelings that were further than what "friend feelings" were supposed to be.