The Lost Souls
March
March 17 I saw you perform and you were great on stage. When you had walked down the hall, and I was sitting on the edge of the row, you ran your fingers through my short hair and ruffled it up as you walked by on your way to the stage. I had hoped it was your best friend but I knew it was you. I was kinda glad it was you, though. Only you had the permission to ruffle my hair like that. After the performance, you, your best friend, and my summer school friend were great. I loved your hug after the concert. But I guess it was a little too far fetched to hug like that and not want to let go when there was a crowd of people and all of our friends. Even your best friend saw. He had been calling me everyday that whole week asking if I had feelings for you and I would always deny it. He knew you had a crush on me, and even though he would tell me, I would deny it. I didn't want it to be true. I wasn't counting on you to develop a crush over me. I felt it was a little too late and at the wrong time. I ignored it. I ignored your feelings for me in order to be true to my vow. But I shouldn't have done that.
That same week, that Friday, something happened and I'll never forget it.
The girl you and your best friend once had a crush on asked if you could hang out with her. Everyone told you not to go because she was only using you. I asked you not to go. Seeing you leave with her made me feel very unimportant, like I didn't matter. She was far more important even though she was using you to keep her company because your best friend and her broke up.
Yes, i got upset. I needed time process why I was upset and I needed to control myself. I couldn't. I had a knot in my throat, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I needed a hug... I got very emotional. And although you tired to stop me on my way to class to explain yourself, I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to be ok with you having left with her. I just needed time to process, so I shut you out and said I was fine, I was ok, nothing was wrong, you can go. You knew I wasn't ok, nothing was find, something was wrong, and not to go. I appreciate your efforts. You even ran out of class to come up to the second floor as soon as the bell rang for sixth period just so you could not miss me on my way out. I still shut you out. I didn't want to cry in front of you. I didn't want to say anything. I was afraid of myself more than I was afraid of what you would say. All I thought about in fifth and sixth was the replay of how upset I was and how I kept pushing you away. I couldn't comprehend this bizzare behavior. Once school ended I saw that you had waited the entire hour sitting in the hallway... but I took the advantage to slip away when my friends started to pile up beside us. I left you like a cruel person. You tried to hold me to stay but I took my arm back and walked away as if you didn't matter to me anymore. I left you with a broken heart. As I walked outside and kept walking... I realized I should not have done that. I turned around, hoping you were still there. But you were gone. I let you go. Things were going to change, I knew it.
That same day my girlfriend dumped me due to her jealousy and personal insecurities, I was devastated. Your best friend wasn't there to comfort me like I hoped he would because he didn't like how I was bisexual.
Why is it that the world always decides to crumble down all in one day?
That same week, that Friday, something happened and I'll never forget it.
The girl you and your best friend once had a crush on asked if you could hang out with her. Everyone told you not to go because she was only using you. I asked you not to go. Seeing you leave with her made me feel very unimportant, like I didn't matter. She was far more important even though she was using you to keep her company because your best friend and her broke up.
Yes, i got upset. I needed time process why I was upset and I needed to control myself. I couldn't. I had a knot in my throat, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream, I needed a hug... I got very emotional. And although you tired to stop me on my way to class to explain yourself, I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to be ok with you having left with her. I just needed time to process, so I shut you out and said I was fine, I was ok, nothing was wrong, you can go. You knew I wasn't ok, nothing was find, something was wrong, and not to go. I appreciate your efforts. You even ran out of class to come up to the second floor as soon as the bell rang for sixth period just so you could not miss me on my way out. I still shut you out. I didn't want to cry in front of you. I didn't want to say anything. I was afraid of myself more than I was afraid of what you would say. All I thought about in fifth and sixth was the replay of how upset I was and how I kept pushing you away. I couldn't comprehend this bizzare behavior. Once school ended I saw that you had waited the entire hour sitting in the hallway... but I took the advantage to slip away when my friends started to pile up beside us. I left you like a cruel person. You tried to hold me to stay but I took my arm back and walked away as if you didn't matter to me anymore. I left you with a broken heart. As I walked outside and kept walking... I realized I should not have done that. I turned around, hoping you were still there. But you were gone. I let you go. Things were going to change, I knew it.
That same day my girlfriend dumped me due to her jealousy and personal insecurities, I was devastated. Your best friend wasn't there to comfort me like I hoped he would because he didn't like how I was bisexual.
Why is it that the world always decides to crumble down all in one day?