Torn

IT HAD BEEN A WEEK SINCE SKYLAR AND I attended the Penguins game. The night after, when I ran over to James and tried to apologize about leaving, all he could do was ask me if I was okay, if he could do anything, even after I told him everything was fine. The fact that he cared so much even though we had literally just met a day before made me restore the faith I had in humanity. I always believed there was good in people, and it was nice to know that even with Brady’s strange actions, I could still hold onto that hope.

Two days after the game, while I was sitting in work tracing out some designs that I had for people coming later in the day, James barged in with four Starbucks coffees, a huge goofy smile on his face, and a button up shirt that clung to his torso in all of the right places. As soon as my eyes rested on him, his muscles in his arms showing through the fabric, I wanted to melt into a puddle and hide under the counter until he left. He looked absolutely stunning, and I was embarrassed to admit it and a little guilty too.

Skylar and Danny were tattooing people in their chairs, and as they watched the man walk in, they let out happy groans as they quickly said something to the people in the chairs and set their needles down. As they walked over, James introduced himself to Danny, greeted Skylar again, and then turned to me, holding the last one in his large hands that I distinctly remember holding onto my face.

After the other two had fixed their coffees and walked back over to their clients, James pulled over a stool and sat on the other side of the counter, his eyes catching mine and sending me a smile. He told me that they were heading on a road trip; they were hitting Toronto and the three teams that resided in New York, and that he would be gone for a little over a week.

When the information hit my ears, I felt adrenaline pump through my veins. The two nights before he barged into the shop like this, I had slept well knowing that if anything happened, all I had to do was run across the street. Now that he was going to be gone for a week, the closest safe haven I had was Skylar’s apartment in the middle of Pittsburgh that was at least fifteen minutes away.

He noticed my apprehension and quickly grabbed the marker I was using and pulled out a business card from the small stack next to him. Scribbling something down, he slid it over to me and gave me a small smile. I still remember exactly what he whispered to me.

“I know I can’t do much on the road, but if you need someone to talk to, please, please, don’t hesitate to call or text me, Anna. I know we aren’t like best friends, but I worry about you over there. All of the time.”

Now as I sat in my bedroom, skin crawling and limbs trembling, I kept my eyes on the ten digit phone number that was scribbled onto the back of the card. Brady and I had got into a large screaming match as soon as he had got home from his eleven-hour shift. His eyes were wide and dark, and his words sliced through every single nerve I had in my body. My blood was pumping roughly through my veins as I thought about just packing all of my things, pulling the ring off of my finger, and just leaving. I wanted to just escape, but there was something keeping me here.

With a light sigh, I entered the number into my phone; saved him as a contact and then quickly shredded the tiny business card in my hands and tossed it into the trashcan by the bed. Turning the screen of my phone off, I rubbed my temples in a small attempt to soothe the headache raging in my brain, but as loud and heavy footsteps drew nearer in the hallway, the fear of facing him replaced the pound in my head. Moving my back, I slipped the phone into my back pocket and then tensed my muscles as the footsteps paused.

“You really think I don’t love you?” His commanding voice ripped through the silence of the room as he swung the bedroom door open, letting the doorknob smash through the drywall behind it. “After all of the shit I had done for you, after supporting you all of these years? Do you honestly think you could make it on your own out there? Do you honestly think you could find someone better than me?”

I bit my tongue and pulled my knees to my chest, positioning myself right in the top center of the bed. As my head rested against the headboard, I twitched my nose and directed my eyes over to the large window that showed me a perfect view of the vacant house across the street.

My heart ached.

“Anna you are so pathetic.” Brady snapped, his foot kicking the mattress I was sitting on. “You think you’re so strong and independent, but you’re not. You would be absolutely nothing without me.” His knuckles turned white as he tightly balled his fists together and pressed them into his sides.

I really shouldn’t be here I thought to myself as my heart crawled up in my throat at the sight of his fists tightly bound like they were. We had always got into small disagreements when he came back form late night shifts, but they never escalated to pure screaming. They never were so bad I had to leave the room and go try to calm myself down in another one. I was always a very non-confrontational person, but he brought out the worst in me.

After a few more minutes of silence, I watched as Brady walked over to the side of the bed and quickly grabbed my wrist, digging his fingernails deep into my skin as I yelled out in pain. As he yelled at me, rambling on about how I was useless and a little bitch, he quickly tugged on my. A huge jolt of pain ran through my body, and then as my chest tightened, Brady dragged my body off of the bed and let me fall against the floor as he held onto my wrist letting a large crack noise fill the room.

As he pulled on my arm again, I tried to pull it out of his grasp but everything past my shoulder was completely numb and I couldn’t get myself to even wiggle my fingers. Taking short breaths, I placed my foot on his shin and pushed him away with every ounce of strength I had and watched as he stumbled back, letting my arm fall against my body. As the pain rushed through me again, I pulled it against my body with my other arm and quickly got to my feet, my eyes swimming in pain.

“Get the fuck out of my way.” I shouted at him, tears lining up in my eyes.

As his eyes scanned over my arm, he put his hands out to grab it when I took a large step back and cursed quietly under my breath. “Don’t fucking touch me, I’m leaving.”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, let me look. You hurt your shoulder, let me look-“

“I hurt my shoulder?” I screamed at him, whirling around to face him. “I yanked my arm and dragged myself out of the bed and threw me on the floor?” His eyes were wide as I screamed at him, “No Brady, you hurt me. You pulled me off the bed and you threw me on the floor. You’re an asshole, and I am leaving.” I roared and with the small moment I had with him in complete shock, I sucked in a deep breath, or the deepest I could with the pain rushing through me, and ran down the stairs, slipped into my black moccasins, grabbed my wallet and keys from the small stand by the door, and then ran.

I ran down the front steps and across the lawn right to my car. Once I was there, I swung the door open and slid into the drivers seat just as the front door to the house swung open again, and Brady took a step onto the front porch.

“Anna, get back inside!” He yelled over to me, his hands in tight fists at his sides again. Glancing at him, I started my car up and quickly put it in reverse. Using my right hand to hold the steering wheel, I carefully backed out of the driveway, put it back in drive and sped down the street, the headlights flickering on just as I reached the end of our block.

Through the whole drive to Skylar’s apartment, I wished and wished that this would have happened a week later so that all I had to do was run across the street and ask for help, not drive fifteen minutes with a dislocated shoulder and a heart rate that was close to entering cardiac arrest.

Once I reached her apartment, I pulled the car into a spot on the street and then turned it off, resting my head against the steering wheel as I took a few deep breaths to stop the trembling in my limbs and the chaos in my mind. With the last inhale; I felt my phone vibrate from my back pocket. Ignoring it, I got out of the car and held my left arm close to my body, trying to fight off the pain as I walked over to the door and dialed her room number and waited for her to come through on the intercom so she could buzz me in.

“Hello?”

“Sky it’s me.” I whispered. After a small pause, I heard a rustle and then a deep sigh.

“I’ll be right down.” She breathed, and within a minute, the blonde ran through the front doors and took my body into a tight hug. “What the fuck did he do to you? Anna, I fucking told you, I told you-“

“My arm, I can’t feel my arm, I just need-“

“Give me your keys and get in the car.” She pressed a kiss to my forehead as she snatched the keys from my right hand and walked over to the driver’s side door. Swinging it open, she slid into the seat and then turned the car on.

Getting in the passengers seat, I sighed heavily as I shut the door with my right hand and then leaned back in the seat, the tears that were threatening to fall down my face gone. I didn’t want to cry, I didn’t want to feel bad for myself or hear ‘I told you so’s; all I wanted to do was get my arm fixed and go to sleep.

Skylar pulled into the parking lot of the nearest hospital about ten minutes after we left her apartment. Once she parked, she rushed over to my side of the car and helped me out, grabbing my cell phone and wallet, and then putting her hand around my waist as she walked me through the parking lot, telling me about the stupid show she was watching on the television before I came over.

I wanted to thank her for changing the subject as we entered the vacant emergency room. I wanted to cry into her shoulder and kiss her cheek and tell her that without her I would be dead, but instead, I chuckled along with her jokes and silently sat in a chair, cradling my arm as she went up to the small window and told the woman that I had tripped down the stairs and dislocated my shoulder.

With not much emotion, the woman nodded, handed Skylar some paperwork and then told her it would be about fifteen minutes before a doctor was available. As the blonde sat back down in the chair next to me, she started filling out all of the basic information. My address, name, birthday, and a few other things about if I was allergic to certain things, when it got to the questions like my mother’s maiden name and who my emergency contact was, she asked me a few questions, and then informed me that she was my emergency contact, and there was no way around it.

I accepted that without a second thought.

As soon as the paper work was all filled out, Skylar took my health insurance card and the paperwork and handed it back to the woman. With a small ‘thank you’ the woman turned from Skylar and started running things through the computer as the blonde girl stood there, her arms crossed against her chest as she looked from the nurse to me a few times, and then down to her shoes. She was in a pair of moccasins just like me.

The time between giving the papers in and when the doctor finally called my name felt like an eternity. Skylar and I sat in the room, stark white walls and a dim light hanging above us. It felt more like a vacant bust terminal and less like the emergency room of the local hospital. Every minute that ticked by made me wish I left earlier, wish I gave less chances and just cut the ties with Brady the first time he started talking down to me.

Everyone else knew it was coming, even people I barely knew, and I was still dumb enough to stay.

“Cooper, Anna?” The doctor called my name and then sent me a small smile as Skylar and I walked up to him. As he inspected my sloppy clothing and how I cradled my arm against my chest, he frowned. “What seems to be the problem?”

“I tripped down the stairs”, I forced through my teeth as I remembered what Skylar had said to the woman behind the window. “I think I dislocated my shoulder.” The words sliced through my heart as they fell from my lips.

I never thought I would be that girl. The one who lies to doctors in the emergency room to cover her abusive fiancé’s reputation? As the doctor inspected my arm, he nodded a little and motioned us to follow him down the hallway. As we followed him, I glanced over at Skylar and watched as her normally cheery eyes were dark and her plump pink lips stayed in a tight line. I frowned myself and looked down at my shoes in utter embarrassment.

Once we reached the room, we both walked in and I sat down on the bed covered in the thin sheet of paper. Exhaling, I watched as Skylar held my phone in her fingers and looked over at me, a small smile on her lips.

“James’ number is in here.” She informed me, her eyes bright as the doctor started talking, telling me that I had to lay down and he would pop my shoulder back in. With a small nod, I lay down on the bed, my feet hanging off and watched as Skylar smiled a little and then started typing away on my phone.

“Sky, what are you-“ I was suddenly breathless as the man grabbed my shoulder and my hand and moved it in a quick motion. As a loud pop sounded through the room, followed by a long scream from me, Skylar and the doctor shared the same satisfied smile as Skylar placed my phone down on her leg, and the doctor took a step back, examining my arm as I slowly moved it, wincing in pain.

He informed me to be safe that he was going to run some x-rays on it, and then put it in a sling for a few days just so it would heal faster. As I nodded with whatever he had to say, he told me to wait a moment as he went to see if the x-ray room was available. With a small nod, I watched as he left, and as soon as the door shut, Skylar walked over to me and handed me my cell phone, the five letter name that made my heart flutter flashing on my phone three times, all of them with the small little message bubble next to them. Swallowing hard, I gave Skylar a dirty stare before sliding my right thumb across the screen and watching as the new conversation popped up.

Once my eyes scanned over his words, I felt my heart drop to the bottom of my stomach.

Is she okay? Is there anything I can do? Was it him? Please tell me she was just clumsy and it wasn’t him. Can I call her? Let me know when I can call her, please?

The tears that had been building up since the night of the Penguins game Skylar and I attended finally started to pour from my eyes as I dropped my phone onto the bed next to me and started to cry into my hands, my body rocking as sob after sob pushed up my throat like a razor blade.

Shaking my head a little, I felt Skylar’s hand on my back as she jumped onto the table with me and pressed her lips to my temple a few times before the doctor came back into the room. As he examined the two of us, I heard him whisper that he would give me a few minutes, and that he would be right back.

Once the door shut, I pulled the blonde into a tight hug, pressing my face into her shoulder as she held me tight. “I don’t know what to do Sky. I don’t know what to do.”

“You need to leave him, Anna.” Her voice was stern despite the tear that was sliding down her porcelain cheek. “You need to get out of there before this gets worse.”