Torn

THE GAME ENDED IN A SCORE OF four to one. Of course, the four was to the opposing team, and the Penguins were stuck with the losing score. Although all of the fans surrounding Skylar and I started to grumble and critically analyze the team, I couldn’t bring myself down to their level. The thought of seeing James after the game was running ramped through my head, and I as we walked out to the back of the arena, I could barely think straight.

My mind was swimming in thoughts of the brunette. I thought about how his eyes sparkled when we looked at each other, or how the skin next to his eyes would crinkle when he laughed. I thought about his strong arms and how they would delicately wrap around me so his strength didn’t bother my fractured ribs. I thought about his voice, his touch, and the small kisses he left on my forehead and cheek. I thought about how soft his lips were and how tender his kiss was when I first kissed him when felt like centuries ago.

It was safe to say I was head over heels for the man, but I knew it was tainted. I knew that finding someone like this after seven years with Brady wasn’t possible. My mind would have been infatuated with any man that showed he cared for my well being after that. James was too perfect of a guy for me to use as a rebound. It wasn’t going to happen, I wouldn’t let it.

“I shouldn’t have had three beers and those nachos.” Skylar grumbled as she rubbed her stomach and then glanced over at me, her bright eyes locking on mine, as her pale skin tinted green.

“Jesus Blondie, are you alright?” I said quickly, my hands connecting with either side of her face. “Are you going to be okay? Do you want me to take you home, I-“

Skylar quickly shook her head and then sat down on the sidewalk curb near the back parking lot where all of the players cars were lined up. Sucking in a deep breath, she looked up at me, winced, and then looked out at the street, her plump lips pale as she tried to steady her breath.

After five more minutes of her struggling to feel better, I sat down next to her and grabbed her hand, feeling her clammy skin rub against mine. “Let’s go, babes.” I whispered and helped her to her feet, sending her a soft smile as I kept my arm around her waist, and started walking her back to our car. “I’m taking you home.”

“What about our date!” She cried out as she reluctantly followed next to me, her feet tiredly slapping against the cement as we rounded the block and paused at a crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn so we could cross into the parking lot.

“James will understand completely. I’ll call him as soon as we get to the car just relax, all right? I don’t want you to barf in your own car. Plus, I’ll have to clean it.” Sending her a smile, the blonde shook her head slightly, let out a small chuckle, and then nodded and pressed a small kiss to the side of my head.

Staying silent, we walked through the huge parking lot and then stopped when we came up to her car. Handing me the keys, I walked over to the drivers’ side and opened the door. Pulling the cell phone from my back pocket, I quickly navigated through it as Skylar slid into the car. Once the cell phone was ringing, I pressed it to my ear and quickly got into the car.

After a minute or so, James’ voicemail picked up. Sighing slightly, I started the car and waited for the woman’s voice to prompt me to speak. “Hey James, it’s Anna.” I put the car in reverse and huffed a little as I twisted my body to see out of the car, “Skylar got sick, so I’m taking her home. I was hoping that we could still grab some food, if not it’s okay. I can just see you some other time? Well call me back and let me know.” I ended the phone call and headed toward the exit of the parking lot.

Frowning slightly, I turned to the blonde in the seat next to me and felt my lips twist down more as she sunk down in the seat and covered her face. “Anna, I’m so sorry. I feel like such an asshole.”

Laughing, I placed the back of my hand against her forehead and sucked on my bottom lip a little. “You’re forehead’s pretty hot. Were you sick before tonight?” She shrugged as a response, “Well regardless, you probably have a fever, and I know for a fact that cheesy nachos don’t cause fevers.”

“They were so good though.” Skylar whined as she reclined the chair back. “Like, it wasn’t even that nasty milky cheese, it was like real cheese and-“ She paused placing her hand over her mouth and then put it back over her eyes and sighed heavily. “I’m such a cock block!”

“Sky, stop.” I chuckled as I turned onto the main road that would put us right out near Skylar’s apartment. “James and I were going to eat food, you know we’re friends and that’s it.”

“You guys are the cutest fucking people I have ever seen, and you’re both just so dumb. Like, I’ve never seen that kind of chemistry between two people before.” Skylar gushed and then looked over at me, waiting for a response.

I didn’t have one. Instead, I sunk down in my seat a little, sucked in a deep breath, and focused every bit of my mind on the road so I didn’t have to think about anything to do with James, his smile, his body, and his perfect eyes.

The rest of the ride to Skylar’s apartment was completely silent. I decided to keep the music off since she was suffering from a horrible headache, and I tried to go as slow as possible so car sickness wasn’t added to her list of ailments. Once we reached the apartment, I tucked her car into a spot in the street, and shoved my phone back into my pocket as I got out of the car and helped her over to the front door.

Inside of the building, Skylar rested her head on mine as we shuffled over to the elevator and waited for the digital numbers to drop back down to one. As we stood there, completely silent, my cell phone started to buzz in my back pocket. Ignoring it at first, too worried about letting Skylar fall back to answer my phone, I bit down on my lip as the vibrating stopped and quickly started up again.

Tapping my foot, I anxiously watched as the numbers finally winded down to one. Door sliding open, Skylar flung her shivering body inside of the box and then leaned against the back wall, using her foot to hit the big four button on the panel before shutting her eyes and resting the back of her head against the metal box.

Just as I was about to ask if she was okay, my phone started to buzz again, and I watched as Skylar’s eyes snapped open and landed right on mine. Eyes widening as I made no movement to reach for my phone, she shook her head and went to speak when the doors slid open.

“Answer your fucking phone, Anna.” She growled as she walked over to me and put her arm around my shoulders, then moved both of us out of the box and over to her apartment door. Once there, I shoved the key into the doorknob, pushed the door open, and watched as Skylar stumbled through the apartment and locked herself in the bathroom.

As I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, I watched as the screen lit up with James’ name again. Smiling a little, I hit the green button and put the phone to my ear, a smile instantly spreading across my lips as he whispered a small ‘hello’ through the phone.

“Ya’ get my message?” I dropped my body against the couch, my head falling into the pillow I used. “Sorry about-“

“Is she alright?” he asked, a small hint of worry noticeable in his voice.

“Oh yeah, she’s throwing up in the bathroom. I think she was sick and then piled three beers and nachos on top of her stomach bug.” I chuckled a little as James made a noise of disgust from the other end of the phone. “Yeah, I can’t imagine the nachos tasting so good a second time.”

After a moment of James’ gagging on the other end of the phone, we both shared a laugh, and then he sucked in a small breath and I could just see his rosey cheeks accompanied with a huge smile flashing through my mind. It made my whole body grow uncomfortably warm. “You still wanna grab dinner, or-“

“I mean, I wouldn’t mind some food. I purposely didn’t eat so I’m a little hungry.”

“Want me to pick you up?” He questioned.

“Yeah, why not.” I smiled a little as I looked up at the ceiling and then shut my eyes. “Where did you think about going?”

“Maybe my place?” He whispered as my heart exploded in my chest from his words. “I could order some take out if that’s okay. If not, we could-“

“That sounds great”, I breathed into the phone, my heart beating obnoxiously loud as I tried to take a full breath to stop the nerves trembling in my body. It wasn’t the thought of being alone with James in his house, it was the thought of being so close to Brady’s house that made me feel like I had caught whatever bug that Skylar was currently suffering from.

Swallowing hard as a shake entered my hands, James told me he would be at the apartment in about fifteen minutes, and then since he didn’t have practice tomorrow, he would bring me home whenever I wanted to go. Nodding along to his plans, I whispered a small thank you and goodbye, and then ended the phone call and set the phone down on my chest that was quickly rising and falling.

My hands started to shake as I thought about seeing my old house again. I thought I would raise a family in that house. I thought I would be in that house until Brady and I grew old and decided to move somewhere tropical or closer to our families. I thought I would be in that house for the rest of my young life, married, with a dog and a child. That house was a fixed image of my future, and now it had nothing to do with me. Now, the contents had no significant meaning in my life.

I felt sick as I thought about Brady sleeping with other women in our bed. I thought about how many times he had touched me or kissed me on days when he probably slept with her the afternoon before. I thought about how he lied to me every day, how he made me feel guilty for being friends with guys while all along he was cheating on me anyway.

Suddenly, I was absolutely furious. Throat and nose burning, I sat up on the couch and pressed my hands into my eyes, not caring about the perfect eye makeup I had done earlier. I was so angry, so completely frustrated and furious that not even the biggest ice cream cone or sundae could calm me down.

Breathing heavily, I walked around the small living room a few times as I tried my best to calm down. I didn’t want James to see how flustered I had gotten over the whole situation. Brady didn’t deserve this much of my time. He didn’t deserve me to worry about anything relating to him, he didn’t deserve to breathe either, but that was a different story.

When my heart started to beat a little more calmly, there was a knock on the door. Sucking in a deep breath, I listened as a small groan sounded from the bathroom and cringed. Opening the front door, my eyes jerked up and a huge smile lit up on my face as I locked my eyes onto his. Leaning down, he placed a kiss on my forehead and then straightened his back and took a large step into the apartment, instantly cringing as the sound of the toilet flushing sounded through the room.

“Sorry about the game.” I blurted out, watching as James’ eyes quickly flickered back to mine. As he studied me for a minute, he shrugged a little and then tilted his head to the side.

“You win some, you lose some. Nothing to get all bent out of shape about, eh?” Nodding along with him, we stood in an awkward silence until we both looked off toward the hallway where Skylar now stood, her eyes half open and her hair in a messy bun on the top of her head. As she swallowed a little, she huffed and then shook her head.

Smiling a little, she pointed to the door, and then nodded her head. “Not to be a bitch, but I’m kicking you babes out.” She walked over to us and pulled me into a small hug. “Go eat food and have fun, I’m heading to bed and I don’t want to hear your little fucking giggles.”

“Oh shut up.” I huffed and watched as James blushed a little as he nodded and pulled Skylar’s thin frame into a hug before letting her go and watching closely as she stumbled through the room and sent us a small wave before disappearing into the hallway. Once the bedroom door slammed, James turned to me and tilted his head to the door.

“Ready?” His cheeks turned a light shade of pink, but I ignored it and nodded along with him. I would have normally called him rosey cheeks or made some kind of joke or comment, but I was almost one hundred percent positive that my cheeks were just as red as his, and I didn’t want him to notice.

Grabbing my hand, James lead me out of the apartment, down the hallway, and over to the elevator. Once inside of it, he pulled me into a tight hug as he hit the bottom floor button and sucked in a deep breath. As I stayed close to his chest, my eyes fluttering shut as the smell of his cologne and body wash mixed in my head, I listened closely as his heart beat wildly in his chest

When we hit the bottom floor, and the elevator doors slid open, he grabbed my hand again and lead me through the lobby and over to the front door. Opening it for me, he placed his hand on the small of my back as he walked me out of the building and then over to his car that was parked in a spot on the street.

“Anywhere you want to get food from, I can call and order it now.” He said with a small smile as he opened the car door for me and then rounded to the other side. With a small smile, I shrugged a little and then slid into his car, my eyes roaming around the interior as I pulled the door shut and then looked over at the brunette sitting next to me.

Nodding a little, he squinted his eyes and then smiled. “What if we just order a pizza?” James laughed and then looked over at me, watching as I flashed a huge smile on my face and nodded.

“I like the white pizza.”

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever had that before. I’m up for trying it though. Here, I know this place that is open late, can you call and order a large whatever you just said and we can grab it on the way to my place?” James sent me a smile as he scrolled through his phone and then handed me his cell phone, his eyes sparkling with the little light in the car.

Chuckling, I nodded a little and then hit the send button and waited for the woman on the other end to pick up. Ordering the pizza and a side of fried ravioli – another thing James had never eaten – I informed the woman that we were going to pick it up. Informing me that it would be ready in about fifteen minutes, I replied a thank you and then ended the phone call, handing James his phone back as he rolled the car up to a red light just down the street from the apartment.

“Fifteen minutes.” I informed him and watched as he grabbed his cell phone and then nodded, his eyes sticking to mine for a few seconds before he looked back at the road.

On the drive to the pizza place, he asked how Skylar and I liked the game, and then apologized for it being so shitty. Laughing, I told him that no matter what the score is it’s always nice to watch a hockey game, at least from a third party perspective. This lead to a joke fight about how it was rude to not cheer for your best friends team, especially when you wore his jersey all of the time. Rolling me eyes, James let out a loud laugh and then grabbed my hand and continued driving like nothing happened.

When we reached the pizza place, James told me to stay in the car. Nodding, I watched as he grabbed his wallet from the center compartment and then got out of the car, sending me a smile and walked around the car and into the small brick faced building.

I was in the car for about five minutes before James opened my door and handed me the pizza and the small white bag on the top of it. Smiling as I placed the warm box on my lap, my eyes stayed down on the objects as James got back in the car and started heading down familiar roads until he was in the middle of the suburbs just outside of the city.

As the houses grew more and more familiar, I felt my heart start to beat quicker in my chest. Foot tapping against the floor mat in the car, I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and tried to calm myself down as James pulled into his driveway and his the small button on a remote hanging from his keys. As the garage door slowly opened, my heart started to beat painfully in my chest as everything started to sink in again. I was alone with James in his house, right across the street form my old house, with my old fiancé, and my old future plans.

Shutting my eyes tightly as James killed the engine and got out of the car, I applied more pressure to the grip on my bottom lip and then sucked in a small breath and watched as he opened the door for me and sent me a small smile.

Getting out of the car, I turned from him, placing the pizza on the roof of the car and then wiggled my fingers a little. As the nerves in my body started to go crazy under my skin, I blinked hard and was about to turn and grab the pizza when I turned to face James and quickly looked eyes with his that were just about four inches away from my own.

“Oh… I-I’m sorry.” I breathed, the sound of my heart beat echoing in my head as my eyes involuntarily dropped from James’ beautiful eyes and down to his pink lips, slightly parted as he sucked in a deep breath and let out a shaky exhale. After a few seconds, I looked back up into his eyes and felt my whole body grow warm.

Nodding a little, James went to speak when he leaned in a little closer to me, his lips brushing against mine. Hands shaking, I placed them on his chest as he put his hands on either side of me against the car. Glancing at them, I felt my body explode into flames as I turned back to him just in time for his lips to catch mine.

For a split second, I stood there in shock and thought about pulling away, but the second the thought of Brady cheating on me for a year, or maybe more flashed through my head, my mind quickly flipped sides and I applied a decent amount of pressure into the kiss.

Within seconds, our lips were locked in a needy battle. Inhaling deeply every time we parted, I completely lost all care for the man across the street, every bother I had about rebounds and starting a relationship so quickly. James’ lips on mine made my mind draw a blank. I couldn’t think about anything but him as his soft lips caressed mine. It was like someone had hit a pause button. It was a feeling I loved. It was intoxicating.

After five or so minutes, James carefully pulled away and pressed his forehead against mine, his big eyes filled with apprehension and worry. After he caught his breath, he whispered a small sorry and then went to back away when I pressed my lips quickly to his one more time.

“Pizza?” I questioned as James looked at me for a moment, and then smiled.

“I hope it’s not cold.” He breathed, rubbing the back of his neck with his left hand as his right easily grabbed the pizza box and held it next to him. “I’m sorry about-“

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” I said, my hands shaking as I followed him into the house, and through the hallway. When we reached the kitchen, he set the box down on the counter and looked up at me, his bright eyes holding mine as he chewed on his bottom lip.

“I just don’t want to fuck up things between us.” He dropped his eyes to the counter. “You mean a lot to me, Anna. I don’t want to chase you away.”

“Honestly”, his eyes snapped to mine. Heart beating roughly in my chest, my throat started to dry up as my tongue swelled in my mouth, “You’re doing the complete opposite.”