My 30 Day Challenge

For some reason, I found myself on the cliff that we’d found Vic on. It was calming, I guess. I could hear the water crashing on the rocks below, I could see the cloudless sky, I could feel the wind blowing my hair into my face.
Unfortunately, I hadn’t thought to bring that tiny blade with me, so I had no choice but to leave my skin alone, which annoyed me. I didn’t want to be perfect, I didn’t want to get over this. I just wanted to get away. Cutting did that, for me.

I sat there for most of the day, just thinking. I thought about home a lot. Did I really want to go back there? In all honesty, no, I didn’t. It was hell - I’d get pretty much mugged every day, there was barely any food, and there sure as hell wasn’t anyone who even pretended to care about me. No, home wasn’t an option.

How bad would it be if I stayed in San Diego? The Fuentes’ seemed like good people. At the moment. Nothing too bad had happened yet, except for the fight I’d just had with Vic and Mike. If you could call it a fight. I sort of just went off.

But how could I explain to them that I didn’t want to stop cutting, and there was pretty much nothing that could convince me to stop? It helped me, somehow; and no one who didn’t do this to themselves could understand.

Sometime in the afternoon, I was disturbed.

‘Kellin?’ I heard a quiet voice behind me. I didn’t turn to look at who it was. I didn’t care.

‘Kellin,’ they tried again. ‘Are you okay?’ I refused to acknowledge whoever they were.

Next thing I knew, Vic was sitting next to me.

‘We were so worried about you. How did you get here?’ he asked. I stared out at the ocean, not wanting to talk.

‘Okay, fine. I get that you’re annoyed with me. But I came partly to make sure you’re okay, and partly to talk to you,’ he said tentatively. My eyes flicked to his. He looked so sad.

‘Fine, talk,’ I whispered, my voice hoarse from being quiet for so long. He looked surprised at my cooperation.

‘A-alright, then. I guess I want to apologise first, because Mike and I weren’t very… considerate. And, I want to explain that I kind of – if not fully – understand what you’re going through, at the very least and can empathise, because I get depressed swings a lot. Or, I used to. And, well, you saw the other day,’ he said awkwardly before looking to me to see my reaction so far. I motioned for him to continue.

‘I also wanted to ask you to do me a favour. I had a friend, long ago, called Austin. He was depressed, like you, and he killed himself. Overdosed on pills. I was so, so devastated when I lost Austin, and that was when I started getting my bi-polar swings. I wished so much that I could have done anything at all to save him. And I’m scared that you’re going to end up the same way. Which is why I want you to do the 30 day challenge.’

‘What the hell is that?’ I asked dubiously.

‘It’s a set of questions about your condition, and you have to answer one a day for 30 days.’

It was actually 30 days until my birthday; but Vic couldn’t have known that. Could he? Besides, I didn’t owe him anything. I didn’t want to get over this.

Which was why I was surprised when I came out and said, ‘Fine. I’ll do it.’