Iris

Have you ever fallen for someone and felt so wrong?

Like the way I fell for you when I should not have. Like the way I shouldn’t be thinking of you as I lay wide awake on the bed. Like the way I told myself again and again that I have no control over it, when I should be convincing myself that it’s all in my head.

But how could it all be in my head when the pain pierces right through the heart?

Like how seeing you with her sends lightning through my chest. Like how every time you look away my heart screams in protest. Like how hearing you say her name completely deafens me for a minute, or two. Like how even just the thought of not seeing you feels like being ripped into two.

Tell me, is it wrong to not be in control of who I fall in love with?

I hate myself for every minute I waste thinking of you. I hate myself for the moments I allow myself to be around you.

I hate myself for every tinge of hope I see. I hate myself for every moment you’re kind to me.

I hate that I love you.

But I could never see myself not being in love with you.

How could I not fall for you –

When you make me realize how beautiful the world could be? When you make me realize how happy I could be? When you inspire me to become the best? When with you I could forget the rest?

I’m sorry if with your every move I grow so weak; and weaker each time I hear you speak. I promise though that I’ll do my best, to keep it from you and someday let my feelings to rest.

If soon I grow distant from you, I’m sorry but it’s the “Could never be…” –

We could never be,

I know. But thank you for always being there for me, for the beauty of life you showed me,

“You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be,” and, for once, now I know why that song meant so much to me.