Without You

It had been four months and ten days since I had last seen David Castle. Each day was just as bad as the day he broke my heart. My everyday life had lost the shine that it once had with him. There were nights where I dreamed of him coming back, telling me he missed me. Each morning I was hoping for that, but he never showed up at my doorstep.

I knew we argued, and I hated it. I just never thought he would leave me. There were times where he would try, but I was always able to make him stay. What had I done wrong to let him leave like that? I hated it, and I wanted to know if there was a way to fix whatever it was that had gone wrong.

I missed the way he smiled when he was with his family. I couldn’t forget him as much as I tried. I was reminded of everything from the smallest things. I stopped sleeping on my bed because I remembered what it was like to feel each other’s naked skin. I stopped eating certain foods because that’s what he liked. I never realized that I kept more of his favorites in my apartment than what I enjoyed. I was surprised to see how everything had a memory laced into it.

“Julia, come on,” Annie called, standing at the front door. “You have been grieving lone enough in this apartment. It’s time to meet someone new.”

“I don’t want to meet someone new. I want him,” I argued, coming out of me room to stare at the red-haired girl.

Annie shook her head at me. She was the first person who knew about the break up, and she had been coming over to my house every day. A part of me thanked her for that, but I wanted to be alone in my own misery, consumed by thoughts of him.

“You need to forget him, Julia,” she pointed out. “He was done, and that’s all there is to it. He isn’t coming back.”

The way she acted was as if she knew something that I didn’t. Then her words hit me, and I couldn’t believe them. I just couldn’t bring myself to. I wanted to argue with her and tell her that she is wrong, but I had already done that plenty of times before.

I let her pull me out of my apartment and onto the busy streets of New York. The cars were buzzing by, and the pedestrians acted as if I didn’t exist. I wanted to know if they were hurt like me, or if I was the only one, thinking about my ex.

Annie walked beside me, leading me to a coffee shop in Brooklyn. I guessed that she was getting away from his apartment, but I didn’t even know if he still lived there. I had taken walks down those few streets to try and get him to come back, but he wasn’t there. There were boxes, being moved by some company.

“Julia, why are you doing this to yourself?” my friend asked as we sat down at a table near the doors.

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” I retorted, looking at her green eyes.

“You’re not eating like you used to. It looks like you haven’t slept in days, and I know you cry every day,” she pointed out.

“I miss him,” I whispered. Tears formed in my eyes, and I was trying to fight them back. I didn’t know what I was doing with myself.

Annie excused herself after a minute of us talking. She was trying to tell me that I was better off, but I wasn’t listening to her. I was consumed with thoughts of David, and the way we used to do things together when we were happy. When the fights started happening, we just put on smiles in the public eye. Annie was surprised when I told her why we broke up. I never told her that we argued all the time.

The sound of the door ringing brought me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see the brunette man that had me haunting my thoughts for the past four months. He hadn’t noticed me, and he wasn’t alone. He stood next to a blonde girl that barely passed his shoulders. She was petite, and she could have been a model.

“David,” I called to him, hoping that I wasn’t seeing things.

He turned and recognized me. He gave me a smile. It was friendly, and I knew that I had no chance. “Julia, it’s been a long time.”

“It has,” I replied, forcing a smile.

“Julia, this is Stephanie, my girlfriend,” he introduced me to the blonde who was staring me down.

“Well, it’s nice meeting you,” I lied with a smile.

“It was nice seeing you, Julia. I’m going to pick something up and go,” he said. He was trying not to be rude. He didn’t want to talk to me that much was clear.

His girlfriend didn’t linger to talk to me. She followed him to the front desk, and I realized that I would never have another chance with him. He had moved on, and I was wishing I was Stephanie. I wondered if they live together or if they had slept together yet. Thoughts of the way they were at home alone made me hope it wasn’t like us.

I didn’t wait for Annie to come back. I left with fresh tears in my eyes. I ran back to my apartment. I bumped into a couple of people, but they didn’t slow me down. I made it to the apartment building door before I fell to my knees, crying. I wouldn’t be able to make it up the steps. I sobbed for what felt like hours. I cried because I was never going to get him back. I would never get to call him mine again.

I was broken, and the world knew it. The man I loved was in love with someone else. I was alone, crying in front of New York City. No one stopped to see if I was alright. They just passed me by like I was some homeless child. I hoped one of them would ask if something was wrong, but I never got what I wanted those days. It was always more hurt. I sat on the ground with tears falling, and I still couldn’t get thoughts of him out of my mind.

There was nothing that I could do but cry my heart out on the street. The only thing I could do was try a little harder, and that's all I knew to do. That's was all I could do. My tears dried up, and I watched the people pass by without a care in the world. They were happy with their lives while I hadn't even started to pick up the pieces of mine.