Stealing Glances

Charleston, NC

The next day had meant special visits for Jamison and her crew, being in North Carolina meant seeing Michael Trent and Cary Ann Hearst, the duo also known as Shovels & Rope. They had lunch plans with the couple later in the afternoon, but not without first loading-in the venue in the morning and Jamison doing some filming with Peter.

Jamison had gotten ready for the day, wearing a vintage Elvis Costello shirt, jeans, and high-top converse. It hadn’t been anything special but hopefully it didn’t look too casual for filming or lunch with Michael and Cary. She walked out of her dressing room scrolling through her phone checking her emails while walking down the hallway of the venue; unaware of her surroundings she had bumped into someone.

She had bumped into John.

“Excuse me.” She said, quietly averting her gaze and wormed her way out of John’s personal vicinity before walking off to meet Peter.

Jamison got to the parking lot and weaved through the semi-trucks and buses to find Peter setting up in front of their bus putting out a lawn chair in front of the camera.

“Hey, does this seem okay?” Peter asked, looking at his set up hoping it didn’t seem too shoddy for filming.

“I’m trusting you Harding.” Jamison smiled, “This is your project.” She clipped her microphone to her shirt before taking a seat in the lawn chair and waited for Peter to begin his questioning.

“So, what’s one of the weirdest thing that doesn’t sink in for you as an artist?”

“I think the idea of having fans now is something still so weird to me, in a good way. But it’s just something I can’t wrap my head around.” She laughed, covering her mouth with the back of her hand.

Peter chuckled, “Why is that?”

“I haven’t been doing this as long as everyone else has but I don’t know. I honestly didn’t write this album for the masses, this was something I did for myself and the person it’s about. But whenever I meet a fan and they tell me that they enjoyed it or it really spoke to them. I never knew what impact that had and to be on the other side of that till I made this album—it’s a surreal feeling.” Jamison nodded, as Peter looked at his journal filled with notes.

“How does that make you feel? I mean besides weird…” He chuckled, at his roundabout way of speaking.

“I was talking to Pat from The Maine about this the other day but it makes me want to just honest with the people who support me, even the ones I’ve never met or know personally… just enough so everyone knows I’m being genuine and grateful for everything.” She explained, “Hopefully I can be as honest as I can with this.” She gestured to the camera with a small smile.

“So, you’ve known everyone on this tour at least for a few years. Let’s talk about when you first met them and how they are now.” Peter explained, “I’ll pick a name randomly.”

Jamison nodded her head and began mentally thinking about everyone in the tour. “Alright.”

“Let’s talk about Brendon Urie.” Peter began, watching Jamison think of her answer for a moment with a small smile on her face.

“Gosh, I’ve known Brendon since I started doing this, known him the longest out of anyone on this tour… Since Panic! was my first real gig. It’s weird to think that much time has passed. I consider him to be one of my closest friends. Ever since we first met he’s always made me laugh, he still does to this day. I like to think of him as an endorphin to people, he just knows how to bring up the mood with his humor, smile, and overall existence. He hasn’t changed too much since we’ve first met—he has a better haircut, I guess.” She chuckled, at the latter end of her remark. “But I always feel like Brendon was made for this—especially being the lead singer. He’s always just been the center of attention of loves to entertain people in anyway he can. Despite growing up and musically growing, I don’t think he’s ever had to really find footing on who he was as a person especially amongst his friends. Brendon is Brendon… there isn’t much bullshit when it comes to him.”

“Pete Wentz”

“I met Pete the same time I met Panic! because Pete signed them. He’s always been a loyal guy, especially when it comes to his friends and helping them with their careers. It’s so weird seeing him as a dad now, but it’s something that is also really fitting. He’s always been the older brother/dad type amongst us… more so dad type now but still kind of eggs us on to do stupid shit.” She laughed, thinking about some of Pete’s past antics. “Pete has taught a lot and still teaches people who he becomes friends with on tour or in life about loyalty and helping one another and not to bring each other down. I think that’s rare in this industry we’re in and life in general.”

“Pat Kirch.”

“Pat… I’ve known him the shortest time but I seriously have the utmost respect and appreciation for him. Like, I wish there were more people like him in this world. He really inspires me on every level.” She smiled, nodding her head while running her hand through her hair. “When I first met Pat, he was so determined and dedicated to making their album just the best as they could and even during his downtime he would be doing something band related for the fans, whether it’d be social media or helping Garrett edit a video update but even with after doing this for so long he is still always just so aware of the fans and is genuinely so grateful to be able to do what he does. Like that level of gratitude he has, I feel like hasn’t changed— it’s only gotten stronger. He’s a constant reminder to just be grateful for everything and everyone who makes it happen. And to work as hard as you can to make anything happen. I live a Pat Kirch appreciation life.” She chuckled, giving another smile.

“You speak so highly of these people.” Peter began, “How would you hope the others on this tour spoke about you? How would you want them to remember you?”

“I never got to ask you…” John suddenly realized, "Beyond what your life is now, what do you hope to accomplish in your life?"

“Personally or professionally?”

“Take your pick…” He smiled at her.

“Hmmm…” She thought, “To not have the people around me go through struggles and hardships because of me…”

“Has it happened before?” He asked, his mouth working faster than his brain the alcohol seemed to be getting to him.

“It probably has… but I guess I am terrified to ever know that if someone I cared about were to struggle because of me, because of something I did to them… so I strive not to do that. I guess that’s not a real aspiration… but it’s mine.” She answered, with a shrug.

“I hope good things…” Jamison smiled weakly, “I hope it’s always just the good memories they remember.”

Later that afternoon, the runner for the venue had brought the van rented for the day and Jamison, The Black Widows, Garrett, and Jared had began driving to Johns Island where Michael and Cary resided. The group arrived to Michael and Cary’s farm/house to see the couple and their dog already waiting by the driveway by with smiles on their faces.

“Hey y’all!” Cary Ann yelled, happily as everyone began getting out of the van.

“Cary Ann!” Jamison yelled, running towards the blonde haired southern belle with open arms. The two embraced one another happily.

“My baby girl Jamison, so good to see you.” Cary Ann said, hugging Jamison with all her might.

“I never have enough Cary Ann Hearst in my life.” She chuckled, as everyone watched the exchange with smirks upon their faces.

“I never have enough Jamison Song in mine.”

“Hey, hey, hey, save some love for me.” Jake said, trying to pull the two away from one another.

“Jacob Sinclair, get your butt over here.” Cary Ann said, quickly pulling him into hug and giving an affectionate pat on the butt.

“Good seeing you guys.” Michael said, hugging Jamison then going down the line to greet the rest of The Black Widows.

“So glad the timing worked out and we can host lunch for you guys.”

“Thanks for having us.” Fran said, “We brought some friends—hope you don’t mind.” He looked over at Garrett and Jared with a cheeky smile.

“No, the more the merrier.” Cary Ann assured, “Great to have y’all.” She began hugging the two unfamiliar faces even though they hadn’t even introduced yet.

“This is Garrett and Jared, they’re from The Maine.” Jake introduced, “Garret, Jared—this is Cary Ann and Michael.”

“Nice to meet you both.” Michael said, giving them both a handshake.

“Same.” Garrett said, feeling completely welcomed by the couple. “Thanks for having us.”

“This is our dog and child Townes Van Zandt—but we just call him Townes.” Cary Ann said, patting the plott hound mixed dog. “Townes, say hi to our guest.” She told him, as Townes greeted them with a happy bark causing everyone to gather around and pet him.

“Alright, we’re just about done with lunch. Let’s get inside.” Michael said, gesturing his head towards the house and everyone followed.

Everyone got inside the house and began sitting on the couches inside the living room and Michael on his recliner with Townes sitting by his feet.

“Would y’all like anything—sweet tea, water, beer?” Cary Ann asked, standing a few feet from the kitchen door.

“I’ll have a beer, please.” Jared said, politely giving a smile.

Garrett nodded in agreement. “Same here, thank you.”

Cary Ann shook her head, confirming she heard the two. “Jake, Fran, Unck, Patrick, beer?” She looked at them already knowing exactly what they wanted.

“Yes ma’am.” Jake said, proudly.

“Jamison, how about you sweetheart?” Cary Ann asked, looking over at Jamison who sat in between Jake and Fran.

“I have to have Ms. Cary Ann’s infamous sweet tea when I’m here.” Jamison answered, with a smile.

“You’re too sweet, my tooth is already aching and we haven’t even had the pie.” Cary chuckled, “Peter, what can I get you good sir?” She looked over at Peter who was filming everyone hanging out together.

“That tea sounds amazing.” Peter said, giving her the thumbs up while filming

“I’ll be back with your drinks…”

“She’s such a wonderful host.” Jared said, feeling like he was in some kind of homey restaurant.

“She waitresses at Jestine's Kitchen here in Charleston when they’re not on tour.” Jake explained, with a smile looking over at the kitchen door.

“That’s my lady.” Michael said, proudly as a half grin that was always upon his face turned into a full one.

“The magic of Cary Ann Hearst. She can be anything and everything.” Jamison gushed. “In my head, I’m adopted by Michael and Cary Ann.” Everyone began laughing at Jamison’s confession.

“Oh sweet Jae, you’re hilarious.” Cary Ann said, as she walked back into the living room holding a tray of drinks. “How’s tour going for y’all?” She asked, passing around everyone’s drinks.

“Good.” Jamison said, with a nod. “I’d like to think that… I don’t know about you guys.” She looked around the room to the others.

“It’s good.” Fran chimed, taking a sip of his beer. “So much better than Butch.” He said jokingly, causing everyone to laugh.

“So, how is the tour for you guys?” Michael asked, looking over at Garrett and Jared while taking a sip of his beer.

“It’s been great. Somehow, it feels like we’ve all known each other for years.” Garrett said, glancing over at everyone with a grateful smile.

“That’s good to hear.” Cary Ann said, with a smile before turning to Jamison. “I’m excited to see you play tonight. We never get to see you enough.”

“Woah, I thought you guys would do a song with me…” Jamison said, in mock hurt clutching her chest.

“That’s a given.” Michael chuckled, “’Bad as Me’? Tom Waits?”

“Yes, please and thank you.” Jamison said politely, causing everyone to chuckle.

“Sin & Song is a rip off of Shovels & Rope— just putting that out there.” Chris said, lightheartedly in a mock whisper.

“Shut your mouth.” Cary Ann scolded, pinching Chris causing him to rub his shoulder. “That ain’t true.”

“We are.” Jake said, mimicking Chris. “Ow!” He yelped as Cary Ann smacked him upside the head.

“I said shut it Sinclair.”

“Yes ma’am.” He mumbled, rubbing his head causing everyone to laugh.

Michael clapped his hands together getting up from his seat. “Alright, let’s say grace, have lunch, and exchange embarrassing stories about one another.”

The lunch had been a delight, everyone had exchanged their stories from the road with one another, the good, the bad, and the crazy while sharing a home cooked southern meal made by Cary Ann. Besides the food and company, Garrett and Jared had especially loved the fact Cary Ann and Michael had named all their chickens after famous idols such as Elvis and Jerry Lee Lewis.

After lunch, everyone had headed back to the venue together. The Black Widows, Cary Ann, and Michael had headed back to the bus while Jamison had decided to walk Garrett and Jared back to their bus.

“I hope you guys had a good time.” Jamison said, as they stood in front of The Maine’s bus.

“We did.” Jared said, giving her a smile. “Thanks for always taking us out.” He gave her a hug.

“It was rad meeting Michael and Cary Ann, they are epitome of a rock and roll couple—so bad ass.” Garrett said, with a smile.

“It’s nice to be able to do that for you guys…” She smiled, “I should get going.” She gestured her head to the other direction as the guys turned around to see why Jamison had abruptly headed the other way.

John had been walking towards them.

“You guys ready for sound check?” John asked, eyeing the two and the empty space where Jamison stood.

“Yeah… we’ll be right in.” Garrett replied, giving him a nod as John walked back inside the venue.

After The Maine’s sound check, John had to stick around to do a quick run-through with Fall Out Boy’s sound check for “What A Catch Donnie”. The rest of the guys in The Maine had decided to stick around and watch the group go through the song.

One night and one more time
Thanks for the memories
Even though they weren't so great
He tastes like you, only sweeter

Jamison had intently watched John go through his lines with his eyes closed. The action hadn’t gone unnoticed by the guys who had been watching them closely.

It was only half an hour before the show would start and the guys were in their dressing room hanging out minus John who had been on the bus on his daily phone call with Molly.

“We all saw Jamison glancing over at John during “Donnie” right?” Garrett said, out loud like he was addressing what he had saw earlier hoping he wasn’t crazy.

“John does it too when he sometimes goes with B. Urie to watch Jamison’s set.” Jared said, thinking back to the few shows they had gone to watch Jamison’s set together.

“The crazy thing is those two in a room together—no one talks about the elephant in the room.” Kennedy said, in disbelief.

“You mean the freaking dinosaur in the room.” Garrett chuckled, almost cynically. “Molly still doesn’t know about the history between those two.”

“I wonder if they even realize they glance at one another when the other isn’t looking.” Kennedy wondered, as everyone shook their head in agreement. “That’s the only time I feel they even acknowledge that the other exists. I wonder what goes on through their heads…”

“It’s sad, but that’s all they have left— stealing glances at each other.” Pat said, shrugging his shoulders in a bit of a sad manner.