Stealing Glances

Miami, FL

It was St. Patrick’s Day and a day off on tour meant that it was time to celebrate the occasion the way it was meant to—drinking. But not before being responsible adults and doing what they needed to do for the day (despite it being a day off) before celebrating.

John had woken up to the sound of his cell phone vibrating, he checked it see it was his daily first call of the day from Molly, one of the things that kept him sane and loved waking up to.

“Hey you.” Molly greeted, causing him to smile while rubbing his eyes hoping the sleep would leave him.

“Morning.” John mumbled, as a smile formed upon his face hearing her cheerful voice first thing in the morning.

“I sent Chris the details for your press stuff today.” She began. “Sorry everything was last minute.”

“Work talk first thing? That’s not going to wake me up…” He teased, suggestively causing Molly to giggle.

“The kind of talk you are asking for, I can’t give… I’m at work.” Molly said, apologetically in a joking manner causing John to laugh.

“Worth a try.”

“We’ll be seeing each other soon though.”

“The thing that is keeping me going…”

“You know how to start my morning with all this flattery.” She said, glad John couldn’t see her smile like an idiot over the phone.

“I could say the same to you.” He teased, “You’re a great alarm clock.”

“I gotta get going but I’m glad I could be of assistance waking you up every morning.”

“Alright. Love you.”

“What?”

“Uh—“ John felt panic rush through his body; did he really say he loved Molly? “Oh wow. I didn’t mean to drop that bomb on you—especially on the phone.” He said, quickly but truth was he did love her and what they had together.

“No, just caught me off guard.” She assured him, which immediately calmed him down. “I love you too.” Molly said, causing John to smile like an idiot.

“Oh thank god, I thought it was going to get real awkward.” He joked; chuckling sheepishly hoping it eased some of the tension.

Molly giggled, causing John’s heart to swell a little. “I’ll talk to you later, maybe not tonight if you’re going to be celebrating your people’s holiday.” She teased, causing John to laugh.

“True… I must keep the Irish pride at it’s utmost today.” He said, proudly. “Call me tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

The pause that always seemed to happen whenever they called each other, neither wanting to say bye first cause that would mean they had to hang up.

“… Bye.” John mumbled, still smiling like an idiot.

“Bye.” Molly said, with a chuckle before hanging up.

John got himself out of his bunk to the front longue to see Chris and Patrick awake and eating breakfast.

“What’s on the agenda?” John asked, as he began pouring himself a cup of coffee.

“So, you have an interview with Jamison this morning and then you all have an in-store and signing at Sweat Records.” Chris said, reading off the schedule Molly had sent him on his laptop.

John felt a rush of blood go to his head when he heard Jamison and him would be doing an interview together. “Alright…” He mumbled, nodding his head knowing this was just apart of the job.

After John got ready for his day, he walked off the bus to see Jamison waiting outside in front of the van that was rented so they could be driven to their interview. The two didn’t even greet one another and just silently entered the van and silently sat through the drive before heading into an office of some sort with two chairs and bottles of water.

“Hey guys, I’m Derek and thanks for doing the interview with us. We’re excited to have you both.” He said, letting out his hand for both of them to shake.

“Thanks for having us.” Jamison said, with a smile taking his hand and shaking it.

They all sat down and Jamison and John talked about their respective work, the tour, music, and everything in between. It had been a conversation that seemed to be going well, being able to answer the questions without exuding any awkward vibes.

“I wanted to talk about kind of like you guys and your stories before this tour cause you both have worked together before this tour even began.” Derek said, looking to see if there would be any rejection to his request.

John felt a rush of awkwardness seep into his veins. He didn’t want to go down memory lane but how was he supposed to say no without raising eyebrows?

“Sure…” He answered, nodding his head hoping Derek didn’t do too much research for the interview, that it wouldn’t be in-depth.

“Yeah. Of course.” Jamison said, running her hand through her hair.

“Jamison, you worked on The Maine’s fourth record, “Forever Halloween” which is not only a fan favorite but also got great reviews. Can you guys talk about your experience with that record? How was it working together?”

“Ladies first.” John said, gesturing for Jamison to go first but only doing so, so he could hear how she would answer.

“For me, it was a life-changing experience. That whole experience sparked a lot of great and awesome things and helped me grow as a person and producer.“ She answered, as John remembered back to the simpler times they had together. “You can even say it got me to this point.” She added, causing John to feel an array of emotions from the simple statement.

“John, what about you?”

“Honestly, when I first met Jamison—I wasn’t completely sold on the idea of having her on the record. We were all set on Brendan and I was the one who took the longest to warm up to her working on our record. But I’m glad she was apart of it because that was a huge turning point for us as a band.” He explained, “I don’t think that record could’ve been what it is without her” He answered; despite feeling anger towards her, he felt a sense of nostalgia run through him.

“Did guys become close through that experience?”

“Yeah, we did.” She nodded, “We had a bond of sorts through making that record together and then it kind of transcended.”

“It was a good bond consisting of letting loose all the thoughts in our minds at the end of the day amongst other things.” He said, reminiscing on their late night talks they shared.

“Is that how you guys wrote “Love is All” together?” Derek asked, curiously looking at the two.

“Yeah… that was a base of how we wrote it.” John answered, thinking back to how the project all began. “Honestly, I often forget that the book is out there for people to read.” He said, sheepishly giving a weak smile giving a quick glance over at Jamison who was weakly smiling to herself.

“I do too.” She chuckled self-consciously looking down at her feet. “It was just ours for so long…”

“What was writing that like together?”

“At first it was easy to write, it was difficult towards the end.” John answered, “The momentum was stronger at first.” He now felt a sense of irritation run through him a bit as he spoke in between the lines.

“The end result still was strong.” Derek assured them, causing both of them to give a weak smile.

“Thanks for thinking that.” He said nodding his head hoping the interview would end soon; it was now being too much for him.

“I think writing that was a lot of self realization for the both of us.” Jamison added in, causing to raise interest from Derek as well as John.

“In what way?” Derek asked, hoping she would elaborate.

“What we were capable of doing beyond our respective jobs, our worries, hopes, and everything in between.” She explained, as Derek nodded his head while listening to her answer.

“So after that, Jamison, took a break from producing and moved to Australia?”

“Yes. I worked on The Voice Australia, did some touring with Maroon 5, and was a guest lecturer at SCU.” She nodded, “It was a whirlwind of a year… but it felt so long at the same time.”

“Came back and then made your first album?”

“Yes I did.” She nodded her head once more.

“People say the all the pain in that album was relatable and powerful, how do you feel about that sentiment?” Derek asked, looking at her attentively while waiting for her answer.

Jamison thought about her answer for a moment, as John wondered what she would say. “It’s not only my pain that’s in that album if it was, I don’t think it would have been as relatable.” She answered, as Derek nodded in head in approval at her answer.

“And John, you did non-stop touring for “Forever Halloween” and the acoustic EP “Imaginary Numbers” before releasing “Eclipse” so how does those two records differ from this current one?”

“Contrast points…” John began, “I was so stuck creatively because of some hard times I was going through, I couldn’t really function but one day, I decided to let go and… we made “Eclipse” it’s kind of like a middle ground of “Imaginary Numbers” and “Forever Halloween”—it's a bit of the past and moving forward from it all.”

“I wanted to ask, knowing each other, what’s it like seeing one another at this point in your lives and being on tour together?” Derek smiled, looking at the two wondering how they would answer.

John thought for a moment, not knowing how he should answer. “Never would I have thought in a million years…” He said, “I wanted to see it. But actually seeing it… it’s surreal. I feel like I’m in a dream most of the time.” He answered, wondering if any of this was even real.

“What about you Jamison?” Derek looked at her curiously, “Did you imagine John and the guys would be at this point, touring arenas with Fall Out Boy and Panic! At The Disco?”

“Not surprised.” She chuckled, “They deserve every ounce of and more not only because of their talent but because they work so hard for it all. Despite it being almost 10 years for them as a band—I still feel like they’ve only scratched the surface of great things to come for them. It’s exciting and inspiring… I wish them nothing but the best.”

John felt a bit guilty hearing such kind words come out of Jamison’s mouth but also wondering why she would say such things about him.

“That’s all I have to ask.” Derek smiled, “Thank you for the interview.”

“No problem.” John smiled, weakly but it didn’t show. “Thank you.”

Next on the agenda for John was a quick in-store before having the night off. The words said from the interview earlier had still lingered through John’s brain; it seemed to be the most human interaction he had with Jamison all tour. But the fact that she had said what she did about him and the band, that’s what had bothered him for some odd reason.

They had just finished playing “Kicking My Heels” as everyone clapped and cheered for the performance.

“So, thanks for coming out today. We’re excited to be here. How many of you are coming to the show tomorrow?” John asked, into the microphone as everyone began screaming. “Awesome. So, we didn’t really make a setlist do you guys have any requests?”

“Blood Red!” Someone yelled to start off the line of requests.

“Into Your Arms!”

“Everything We Had!”

“Everything We Had!”

“Everything We Had!”

“Everything We Had” was one of the first songs John had written when Jamison had left for Australia, initially it was considered to be one of the tracks for the “Imaginary Numbers” but didn’t make the cut and had gone on the backburner till their most recent album.

Everyone began chanting for “Everything We Had” causing John to shift in his seat uncomfortably before chuckling sheepishly at their passionate reactions. The downfall of John O’Callaghan was he didn’t know how to say ‘no’ to the fans. He usually would make up some kind of lame excuse but nothing came to mind. Who was he to deny so many people of a song that brought them so much joy, even if it made him uncomfortable?

“Alright.” John nodded, as the crowd began quieting down. “Since you guys asked, this one is “Everything We Had” just know we’ve played this never, so if we fuck up—we’re not sorry, you asked.” He chuckled, before looking at Jared to start the song.

You were the only face I'd ever known.
I was the light from the lamp on the floor,
and only as bright as you wanted me to be.
But I am no gentleman, I can be a prick,
and I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had
Is no longer there.

It was the only place I'd ever known.
Turned off the light on my way out the door.
I will be watching wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
everything we had, everything we had
Is no longer there, longer there.

Well, you saw for yourself, the way it played out.
For you, I am blinded.
For you, I am blinded, for you.

I am no gentleman, I can be a prick.
And I do regret more than I admit.
You have been followed back to the same place
I sat with you drink for drink.
Take the pain out of love, and then love won't exist.

Everything we had, everything we had,
(you have been followed, you have been followed.)
everything we had, everything we had.
(you have been followed, you have been followed.)
Everything we had, everything we had,
(you have been followed, you have been followed.)
everything we had...

I'll be with you wherever you go,
through the eyes of a fly on the wall.

Back at the hotel Peter had been doing a mini photo session with Jamison and The Black Widows before he began filming Jamison and Jake for a tour update.

“So, who are you and what’s your role on this tour?” He asked, pointing his camera at Jake who was hamming it up for the camera jokingly.

“Jake Sinclair—transportation aka Jamison’s piggyback rides, self-hype man, and sometimes bassist and maybe even other instruments when it permits. But mostly, transportation… and human scarf.” Jake answered, wrapping his arms around Jamison’s neck like he was a scarf causing her to laugh hysterically and try to get out of his grip.

“Where are we today?” Peter asked, panning the camera at Jamison.

“Today, we’re in Miami on St. Patrick’s Day… we’re going to party it out tonight.” She answered, in a singsong voice at the latter part of the statement. “It’s our day off and I spent the morning doing some press before our band and crew decided to have lunch together to prepare our stomachs for the night to come. Now, we’re here at our hotel just doing this video update for you guys.”

“Peter will for sure get some footage tonight’s shenanigans.” Jake added in, pointing to the camera. “Not of Jamison cause she just can’t get drunk—she has a wooden leg.” He said, in a mock whisper causing Jamison to laugh.

“But I’m sure Brendon and Jake will have some good moments tonight.” She teased, chuckling at her own words. “And Pete adding fuel to the fire.”

“Keep me safe Jae.” Jake said, in a childish tone as he wrapped his arms around her and cuddled his head into her shoulder jokingly causing her to laugh.

“This moment is getting too sweet.” She tried pushing him away but he kept his stance only doing it more. “This is getting way too sweet even for us.” She whined, jokingly laughing even more before Jake pulled away.

“Jae doesn’t give love to anyone.” He said, into the camera. “It’s part of her charm… make men work harder.” He joked, putting his arm around her shoulder.

“It’s actually why I’m still single. I have no soul.” She said dryly, looking straight at the camera.

“You’ll always have me.” Jake said, in the same childish tone he did just moments before looking at her in a mock lovingly way.

“Are you already drunk?” Jamison looked at him like she was serious before bursting into a fit of laughter.

Later that evening, Jamison and her band and crew were already at the bar with the Panic! and Fall Out Boy camp starting their St. Patrick’s Day festivities. Brendon had done one of his infamous “Positive Hardcore Thursday” vines with Jake and Jamison being featured it in telling everyone to drink like it was water to celebrate the occasion along with Peter capturing moments that were unfolding throughout the night.

“My name is Brendon and I love beer. Beer is great.” Brendon sang, a bit off key with his impromptu lyrics causing Jamison to laugh.

“Save the songwriting for your albums.” She said, putting her had up to motion him to stop.

“Meanie.” Brendon pretended to pout like a child, even crossing his arms.

“To the boy with no weenie.” Jamison teased, causing Brendon to look at her in mock offense.

“Excuse me, I’m a man.” He pointed to himself proudly.

“Sorry.” She put her hand over her chest, pretending to be apologetic. “Man with no weenie.”

“Don’t forget it.” Brendon said, as it was obvious he was on the verge of being drunk.

“Never Mr. Urie.” She clutched her chest like she was taking an oath, before laughing.

“Give me some love.” Brendon said, pulling Jamison in for an over exaggerated kiss on the cheek causing her to cringe a bit and burst into laughter.

“You’re like a wound up puppy…” Jamison wiped her cheek of the excess salvia.

“It’s true…” He agreed, with a smile. “I might end up peeing on you by the end of the night cause of the excitement.” He teased, causing Jamison to roll her eyes.

“Thanks for the warning.” She said, dryly looking at him pretending to be completely unamused.

“Where are my Maine boys? They need to join…” Brendon asked, looking around the bar. He had taken The Maine under his wing like Pete had done with Panic! by always including them in every social outing and giving them advice among many other things.

“I think they’ll be heading in soon.” She shrugged, taking it as her cue to head out before having to pretend to enjoy the socially awkward situation that would happen if John came. “I’m going to go to the beach, I need to get some air.”

“Don’t get sucked in by the water and drown.” Jake said, with a laugh.

“I’ll try my hardest.” She clutched her chest, as she grabbed her jacket and put it on. Just as she was about to turn around and leave The Maine and their crew had walked into the bar.

“John!!!” Brendon yelled, getting up from his seat waving him over. “Everyone, let’s all have a drink!” Motioning everyone who had just walked in to take a seat .

Jamison walked around the beach and found Patrick of Fall Out Boy sitting by himself on the sand. She quietly took a seat next to him and began staring out into the water.

“Want some company?” She asked, not breaking her gaze from the water.

“Yours is always welcome.” Patrick answered, with a small smile looking over at Jamison.

After a few moments of silence Jamison looked over at Patrick who seemed to be staring out into the ocean like she had been.

“So, I have to ask…” Jamison began.

Patrick broke his gaze and reverted his attention to her. “What’s on your mind?”

“It’s no secret about my past with John—so, why’d you guys bring me on tour with The Maine?” She asked, that had been the unspoken question since the tour lineup had been announced.

“We liked The Maine’s music…” He answered, with a small smirk knowing that answer wouldn’t suffice.

“But you guys know—“ She stopped herself, not wanting to say anymore but she knew she didn’t need to say anymore. “You know.”

“Maybe we thought this whole experience could help mend some bridges.” Patrick admitted, then began looking back at the ocean. “Maybe we hoped for too much…”

“I don't except him to ever really forgive me for what I did…” Jamison admitted, with a sigh.

Patrick looked over at her once again with a sympathetic look. “I wonder if he even knows how hard it was for you…”

After talking a bit more Patrick and Jamison decided to call it a night, Jamison walked back to the hotel and onto the floor where the bands on tour would occupy with the floor above being occupied by the crew. She walked down the hall towards her room to see John passed out a few doors before it by his own room.

“Oh gosh, John… how much have you had?” Jamison asked, crouching down in front of John checking to see if he was still breathing.

She was pretty sure he stumbled back alone cause the rest of the guys were still out with everyone else and they were still on awkward terms with John, hence not helping their fellow band mate back to his hotel room.

“None of your business.” He slurred, swatting his arm at her but failing miserably.

“You can’t just pass out in the hallway…” She said, trying her hardest not to cringe at the alcohol that reeked upon him. “Where’s your keycard?”

“In my jacket.” He mumbled, eyes half closed leaning his head on the wall as Jamison began digging through his jacket pocket grabbing his keycard.

“Alright, let’s get you to your room.” She said, helping him up from the floor. But he quickly pulled his arm away from her.

“Don’t touch me, you’re not allowed to touch me anymore.” John slurred, giving a mixture of a pout and scowl at her with his eyes still half closed.

Jamison sighed, “I promise I won’t after we get you inside your room to your bed… you don’t want rug burn on your face.” She said, grabbing his arm again and putting it around her shoulder and helped drag him to his room and onto his bed.

“Why are you even helping me?” He asked, plotting on the bed as she began taking off his shoes for him.

“Just cause we’re not—“ Jamison didn’t know how to finish her own sentence. “John, I didn’t stop caring about you… I want to see you do well and be happy.”

“I can’t see you happy.” John admitted, “I don’t know why I’m like this...” He mumbled as he closed his eyes slowly drifting in and out of consciousness.

“John, you should go to sleep…” She said, mostly not wanting to hear anything else he had to say.

“I know I am making it hard for you, and you probably can’t understand why cause you’re a good person and you’re not some spoiled kid who can’t handle it when he doesn’t get his way—but I can’t help it. I really can’t help it…” He slurred, “I—“

“I get it.” She said, not wanting to hear anymore. “It’s okay John.”

“I really hate you Jamison.” He mumbled, before drifting off into sleep.

Tears began flowing down her eyes slowly, “I know.” She said, covering her mouth to silence her cries.