Stealing Glances

“So, this is Simone and you’re listening to Mix 92.9. Today we have Jamison Song in the studio along with her fellow tour mates on the “Lonely Hearts” tour—Brendan Benson and Butch Walker.” Simone said into her microphone happily as she gave the three a round of applause.

“Thanks for having us…” Butch chuckled, looking over at the Brendan and Jamison who just smiled at the introduction.

“Jamison had specifically said she wouldn’t do the interview portion unless Butch and Brendan were included.” Simone gave a teasing smile to Jamison who just laughed. “What are you going to do when you have to do an interview alone?” She asked, looking at her with playful concern.

“Have the biggest meltdown—Britney style.” Jamison answered jokingly with a laugh adjusting her headphones.

Simone laughed, “Shaved head and all?” She looked at her inquiringly.

“Oh yeah, go big or go home.” Jamison said lightheartedly playing along as everyone laughed along with her.

“So, you guys are here in Nashville for your show tonight at 12th and Porter.“ Simone announced as she read from her notes.

“That we are…” Brendan nodded.

“So, how did this tour come about?” She asked looking at the three. “It’s a triple headlining tour?”

“Unofficially, that’s what they call it—it’s Butch and Brendan headlining though.” Jamison said pointing fingers at Butch and Brendan respectively who she was sitting in between.

“So Jamison, first tour—how is it so far?” Simone looked at Jamison curiously, as all eyes were on her.

“I lucked out… I am on my first tour with some veterans who’ve been doing this for a long time.” Jamison smiled. “Got to have my first tour with family.” She pat Brendan and Butch’s shoulders.

“Having a sentimental moment here.” Simone teased looking at the three who just smiled at one another. “I feel the love in this room.”

“Let it embrace you.” Butch joked causing everyone to laugh.

“Let’s talk about you for a moment, you just released your first album “Your Favorite Song”—which is a great album. But what most people don’t know is you’re actually quite an accomplished person within the music industry already. Your resume includes— producer for Paramore, Maroon 5, All Time Low, Fall Out Boy, Matt Nathanson, even Butch and Brendan here. You also do some songwriting, were the musical director for Maroon 5 on their “Overexposed” tour and for “The Voice Australia”, and now… musician. That is insane.” Simone said, as she read off her notes then looked at Jamison in a bit of astonishment.

“When you say it like that it does…” She chuckled sheepishly as she rubbed the back of her neck.

“So, was it like “I need to get out from behind the scenes— it’s my time to shine!” or what?” Simone teased causing everyone to laugh.

“That’s exactly how it went.” Jamison deadpanned, “No, I’m kidding… it was more just things falling into place and a time in my life where I needed a cathartic experience to heal myself.”

“It says in the press release this is a concept album of sorts—the journey of a relationship. Is this album about a culmination of all the guys you dated?” Simone looked at her curiously as Jamison laughed.

“All the guys…” She shook her head. “You’re so funny.”

“Oh come on, cute girl like you working around all those hot talented dudes… you’re telling me you haven’t dated them?” Simone asked, looking at Jamison with a bit of doubt.

“To contrary belief, I actually am just friends with 99% of the people I’ve worked with.” She assured her with a laugh putting up her hands up in defense. “I’ve only dated 2 people in my life and it’s about the last person I dated. This entire album is based on my time with that one person.”

“That’s insane. That guy must have really broken your heart.”

“Actually, I—“ Jamison cleared her throat. “I broke up with him.”

Simone looked at Jamison in surprise and ready to ask another question.

“The truth is…” Butch cut in. “We actually scared him off.” He joked shifting the attention elsewhere.

“We did.” Brendan agreed, laughing. “He ran for the hills once we brought out the shotguns.”

“Does he know you wrote an entire album about him?”

“I don’t know…” Jamison chuckled sheepishly. “Maybe.” She shrugged before taking a sip of her water.

“So, how did the whole process go behind in the studio being the focus point instead of behind the scenes?” Simone continued to ask as Butch and Brendan watched Jamison intently.

“Weird… but good weird. I learned a lot about myself.”

“So, you’re going to play us a song off the album, “Runaway” how did that song come about?”

“I wrote this a month after I went through the break up with said person this album is about. I kind of wrote it as the person he saw me as when I was breaking up with him at the time.” Jamison explained. “Fun fact about this track is that Brendon from Panic! At The Disco did drums on this track.”

“Gosh, Brendon is just—“ Simone giggled. “He plays like everything.”

“He is like kind of insane.” Jamison laughed. “He’s a charming guy though.”

“That he is…” Butch agreed causing everyone to laugh.

“Thank you guys for coming in and talking to us.” Simone thanked them once again.

“Our pleasure.” Brendan said with a smile. “Thank you for having us.” They all nodded their heads in agreement.

“Okay, this is Simone and you guys are listening to Mix 92.9 and without further ado—this is Jamison Song with Butch Walker and Brendan Benson and they’re going to play “Runaway” live from the studio off her debut album, “Your Favorite Song”” She announced excitedly into her microphone. “You guys can take it away whenever you’re ready.” She gestured over to them.

“1, 2, 1, 2, 3—“ Butch said, as he and Brendan began strumming their guitars.

I hit you like a train
You feel the pain
I ain't coming back
I cut you
Cut you deep
But you can't keep up on my truck
If I loved you I'd stick around
Your on the ground
'Cause I knocked you down
And your falling
Every night
That you can't fight that I can hear you pray
I'd stay just one more day

But I always runaway
I'm nothing but a runaway

I hooked you
With the beat
The heavy heat gettin' outta hand
And I loved you
In the lonely bed
The word you said, baby understand
That if I loved you, I would stay
I'd never stray then runaway
And I'll fall down
Lonely night, I can't fight
But maybe I should pray
Lord, give me the strength to stay

'Cause I always runaway
I'm nothing but a runaway

Oh oh oh oh oh

Why can't I just stay in one place
Somebody got to put me in a cage
Oh, I don't want to be this way, oh

I'm nothing, nothing
Nothing but a runaway

Ooooh, I'm nothing but a runaway
Runaway
A runaway

“That was Jamison Song in the studio with Brendan Benson and Butch Walker—they are playing a show tonight at 12th and Porter. However, it’s sold out. But we’ll be giving away a pair of tickets later in the hour.” “Once again, thanks so much guys.”

After a few more questions and another song, the interview was over and the three were ready to head back to the venue for load-in and sound check along with another interview.

“You ready for more press?” Butch asked teasingly as they began walking out of the radio station.

“Yeah.” Jamison nodded getting lost in her own head.

Brendan looked at her with a bit of apprehension. “You alright?”

“Yeah.” She assured them nodding her head.

“What’s on your mind?” Butch asked.

Jamison had been in Australia for about 2 weeks and work wise—it had been going well. Within the short time she was already there she had a routine of sorts… and it always ended with Jamison being alone in her apartment.

After another day of work, Jamison sat in her furnished apartment provided by the studio. It had been quite the apartment—modern and sleek. Big windows, open kitchen, they even had provided her with her own office space so she could work from home.

But it didn’t feel home.

She paced around her living room going through her journal she had been recently filling with thoughts that had been eating at her brain. She cursed herself for not keeping herself busy enough to avoid filling the journal with more and more of her inner thoughts and struggles.

Suddenly her phone had rang—she stared at it for a moment like it had been the plague of some sorts. She carefully placed the journal on top of the coffee table before hesitating to answer it.

She knew she shouldn’t but apart of her need something, anything to keep him around. Even if it had tore her apart and hurt her… she knew she could at least feel something whenever he called.

“Hello? John” She answered, knowing it was him thanks to the wonders of technology.

He said nothing.

“You can’t keep calling like this and say nothing.” Jamison said, sounding like she was about to break down in tears.

He still said nothing.

Jamison put her back against the wall and fell to the floor and started crying.

“You can’t keep doing this. It only hurts more…” She sobbed through the phone.

John just listened to her cry. This wasn’t what he wanted to do to her— make her cry. This seemed harder for him; listening to her cry but he needed something, anything that would keep her in his life even if it was her crying on the phone.

And he knew how selfish that was… but he didn’t care.

“Sandwiches…” She joked giving a weak smile.

“Let’s go feed you.” Brendan put his arm around her shoulder. “We can’t have you be cranky.”

--------------

John sat on the 8123 studio floor alone going through old journals he had filled of songs he hadn’t finished or put on the backburner. Going through them always seemed to be an experience of it’s own.

“Hey man, what are you up to?” Pat asked, as he walked into the studio and took a seat on the couch.

“Just going through the archives… I didn’t think there were so many.” John chuckled looking at the journals that were surrounding his personal space.

“It has been quite awhile since we’ve been doing this.” Pat smiled as he reminisced about the time that had passed since they had first started the band.

“True.”

“I never thought we’d get to this point.”

“Me either.”

“Do you remember when we were suppose to drive up to LA to sign our deal with Fearless—we all couldn’t sleep so we drove up that night and got to LA at like 6AM and ended up at the beach?” John smiled remembering the day where they had made promises with each other, it had seemed like a lifetime since then.

“I remember.” Pat chuckled. “Having tunnel vision about this band… it worked out.”

“It did. I mean look where we are now…”

“We’ve got a lot of things to be thankful for…”

“That we do…” John nodded in agreement as he let out a sigh.

The two sat in a comfortable smile for a moment relishing their past together as a band.

“Whatever you’re going through creatively, I hope that gets cleared up soon. Not for the sake of the band but because—you’ve got a lot of great things to share with the world.” Pat said, looking at John with a hopeful smile. “I’m glad I get to be in a band with you.”

“Thanks man.”

“You’re coming to Jared and Tessa’s dinner party thing tonight, right?”

John shook his head. “Of course.”

“I’ll see you then.” Pat got up from his seat before leaving the studio.

John picked up another journal randomly and began skimming through it before finding a certain unfinished lyrics that caught his eye.

Give me thunder, give me lightning,
and I will give you every part of me

He read through the unfinished lyrics he had written and found an envelope in the back of the journal that had his name written upon it. It had been from Jamison; one of the many random letters she had written him while they were together.

John,
Right now, you’re sleeping in my bed and all I can do is wonder how we’ve gotten to this point. More than anything, I am grateful that we met because thanks to you, I’ve learned so much about myself… I feel like I am the best version of myself.

There are not enough words to thank you for that… all I can hope is that I can have all the time in the world to repay you for all the love and happiness you’ve given me.

I know I told you I don’t make promises but let’s make just one…

Let’s promise each other (or just keep this promise to yourself) that we’ll always live the life we are given—together or not. Because anyone can exist and… but not everyone lives.

Truth is, the world makes a bit more sense lately to me, I think it’s thank to you…

Anyways, this letter is so scattered much like my thoughts right now. I know I live a life with a lot of sleepless nights due to work but sleepless nights like this are different because the comfort of being next to you and knowing that we’re together—we’re a team.

All my love and words are for you,
Jamison

John carefully put back the letter inside the envelope and placed it inside his journal before closing it. He sat quietly for a moment thinking to himself about how he had been trying to keep the promise of living his life.

John had taken refuge back at his parent’s house for a few days before he had to go on tour for Europe. The comforts of home could do him well he thought but it had mostly been him lying in his bed while each of his family members took turns to make sure he was still breathing.

“Hey son…” Jay said as he walked into his son’s room and took a seat on the foot of his bed.

“Hey dad.” John mumbled, as he sat up right rubbing his eyes.

“I would ask if you’re alright but I know better.”

“Yeah.” He gave a weak smile. “Sometimes, I feel like I’m dying or I’m already dead. Who knew one person could have such an effect on someone?” He said cynically causing Jay to look at his son with much sympathy.

“If you're feeling dead, you gotta try to find a way to be alive.” Jay encouraged him. “And… I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now. But I know it’s hard.”

“I know you might not be that proud of me right now being this way. But I just feel so alone.” John admitted averting his gaze from his dad feeling like a tragic excuse for a human being.

“You’re not alone you still have a home here with us and no matter what you do I’m still proud of you. You’re my son…” He told John giving him a smile.

“Thanks dad.”

“Someone once told me that love can never be truly silenced by anything—it might have some barriers and obstacles. But it can never be silenced.”

“Honestly, I don’t want empty hope-filled words right now.” John said, sounding completely disheartened but not bitter. “I just need some—I don’t know what I need. But I know I don’t need that.”

“I’m going to let you wallow like this for awhile and just be… but you have to promise me that you’ll just living your life again and not just skate by it.” Jay said, giving him a stern yet forgiving look.

“I promise.”

He wondered how well he was doing with that promise— not for Jamison but for himself.