Stealing Glances

Pittsburgh, PA

It had been a few days since the elevator incident and Molly had finished her stint on tour with the guys and now that meant a new set of familiar faces would be occupying the bus namely—Chelsea and Mel.

Chelsea and Mel were dating Pat and Eric respectively and decided to jump along for a few days on tour before going back to their lives. Eric had met Mel at a coffee shop he had stumbled into for the longest time he had thought she was just the cute girl who went there everyday like he had but it had turned out she was the owner of the shop. Pat and Chelsea met through work, namely she had done some freelance work for 8123 both had bonded over their workaholic tendencies and somehow that lead to blossom.

Due to the lack of bunks once again on The Maine’s bus, Kennedy had opted to take the last empty space on Jamison’s bus for the next few days, which he was more than happy to do as he grew and a bond between everyone in The Black Widows and Jamison’s crew.

It was a day-off in Pittsburgh with a show the next day, the press for the day was The Maine and Jamison doing a session with Audiotree. Audiotree had requested the bands each pick one song to cover by the other. After a week of rehearsing for the session, both bands had their sets down. The Maine had finished playing “Kicking My Heels” before the host Blake went to his small talking portion before transitioning into the next and final song.

“That was The Maine and you are watching Audiotree with The Maine and Jamison Song.” “Our setup is a bit different here today we have both bands in one room set up facing one another.”

“I feel like I’m in a rap battle or something with this set up.” Jamison joked, gesturing at the setup causing everyone to laugh.

“Like something out of “8 Mile”?” Blake asked, as everyone began to laugh again.

“Exactly.” She said, nodding her head with a smile.

“Some people in the studio wanted me to ask, if you’d want to go out on a date with them…” Blake said, with a tiny smirk upon his face.

“Are you sure you’re asking for a friend?” Kennedy teased, causing everyone to laugh.

“You know, whoever is asking if they’re down for it. I’ll go out to dinner or something with them.” Jamison said, jokingly. “It’d be nice to go on a date… it’s been awhile.” She chuckled.

“I find this hard to believe.” Blake said, with a small chuckle.

“I have a lot of dudes around me but that’s about it—a lot of dudes around me.” She joked, with a small laugh. “I think everyone but Jake has a significant other on this tour…” She looked over at her band for confirmation as they nodded their heads.

“We’ll if you’re down there is a staff filled studio…” Blake pointed around him at the staff members who were laughing.

“The date thing.” Jamison said, looking over at the staff and Blake. “Let’s talk after the show.” She half-joked causing everyone to laugh.

“Alright, so this has been a super fun session. So, we asked you guys to pick a song off each other’s catalog of music. What song did you pick Jamison?”

“I picked “I’m Sorry” off The Maine’s third album “Pioneer”.” She answered, with a nod.

“Is there a reason why you picked that song?”

“I mean, it’d be obvious if I picked a song off the one I worked on right?” She smiled. “Plus, that album I think for me, showed them as a solidified band in terms of everything. They had found their footing as a band with that album I think. As for song choice, it’s just a simple song but it’s so good and honest.”

“Awesome.” Blake nodded, “What about you guys?”

“We picked the last song off the album, “Happy Ending”.” Garrett answered.

“Is there a reason why you picked that song?”

“It was a song we wanted to take a challenge with to rearrange in our own way.” Jared said, “It was a fun one to try… hopefully, Jam won’t be offended by our take on it.” He teased, looking over at Jamison who gave him a small laugh.

“How did you end up writing the song Jamison?” Blake asked, looking over at Jamison.

“That one was one of the few tracks I wrote from the perspective of the other person.” She began, “The reason it’s the last track is cause I thought that person deserved the last word…”

“Awesome.” Blake nodded. “Alright, Let’s have a coin toss to see who goes first for the last song. Call it.” He said, as he took out a coin and tossed it into the air and catching it.

“Heads.” Jared called out, keeping his eye on the coin.

“Tails.” Fran yelled.

“Heads.” Blake said, looking over at The Maine. “The Maine will go first… take it away guys.” He said, as the guys took a moment to prep before starting the song.

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together

Wake up in the morning
Stumble on my life
Can't get no love
Without sacrifice

If anything should happen
I guess I wish you well
Mm, a little bit of heaven
Or a little bit of hell

This is the hardest story
That I've ever told
No hope or love or glory
Happy ending's gone forevermore

I feel as if I'm wasting
And I wasted every day

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our life
But not together

Two o'clock in the morning
Something's on my mind
Can't get no rest
Keep walking around

If I pretend that nothing
Ever went wrong
I can get to my sleep
I can think that we just carried on

This is the hardest story
That I've ever told
No hope or love or glory
Happy ending's gone forevermore

I feel as if I'm wasting
And I wasted every day

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we love
Like it's forever
And live the rest of our life
But not together

Little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love, little bit of love, little bit of love
Little bit of love, little bit of love, little bit of love, love

I feel as if I'm wasting
And I wasted every day
Hey, hey, hey, hey

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we loved
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our lives
But not together

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

This is the way that we loved
Like it's forever
Then live the rest of our lives
But not together

This is the way you left me
I'm not pretending
No hope, no love, no glory
No happy ending

Applause filled the studio before Blake began to speak. “That was great…” He said, “And now the wonderful Ms. Jamison Song will be doing The Maine’s “I’m Sorry”. Take it away…” He looked over at Jamison and her band who, looked over at one another to silently signal one another to start the song.

I'm fucked up again.
I shouldn't drive tonight,
but I keep thinking of you.
I hurt you again, I shouldn't lie tonight so the next few words are true.

Never again, Never again, no.
Will I leave you high n'
Never again, Never again, no.
Never again, Never again, no
Will I leave you high n' dry
This time, I more than mean it.

I'm sorry,
I'm not what you wanted.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I let you down.
I could use some poor excuse,
cause the hardest thing to say,
Oh, it's the hardest thing to say in the world,
I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

Well I'm messed up again,
Thinking of times I was lost and you let me in,
I'm only human,
But both you and I know the way that this will end.

So I said…

Never again, Never again, no.
Will I leave you high n'
Never again, Never again, no.
Yeah, Never again, Never again, no
Will I leave you high n' dry
This time, I more than mean it, yeah

I'm sorry,
I'm not what you wanted.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I let you down.
I could use some poor excuse,
cause the hardest thing to say,
Oh, it's the hardest thing to say in the world,
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
Yeah, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry,
I'm not what you wanted.
I'm sorry,
I'm sorry I let you down.
I could use some poor excuse,
cause the hardest thing to say,
Oh, it's the hardest thing to say in the world
Is I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, yeah.

Another round of applause ran through the studio, before everyone looked at one another with a smile.

“Awesome. Thank you to everyone for coming in today.” Blake said, looking at everyone with a smile. “Thank you to all the engineers, camera, lighting, and sound crew for making these sessions possible. Make sure to buy the session when it’s released and we’ll see you next time.”

After the Audiotree Session, Eric and Mel had invited John out for lunch with them at a nearby café, the three sat and ate together talking about random topics till Eric had not so obviously transitioned the subject—something that seemed almost like a skill to him.

“So, you and Jamison in the elevator the other day…” Eric began, “Are you guys ever going to try and be civil with each other? Friends even?” He asked, recalling John telling me everything that happened that day.

“Is this an intervention?” John asked, dryly looking at Eric a bit baffled by his boldness.

“It could be…” Eric said, half-jokingly trying to ease the tension.

“I mean you two were friends at one point… good ones from what I hear.” Mel said, calmly. “Have you even tried to be nice to her?”

“She knows?” John asked, looking at Eric curiously.

“She knows… all of it.” Eric said, “I can’t keep things from her man, I gotta tell my lady everything.” He put his arm around Mel’s shoulder looking at John like he wasn’t even sorry for telling her.

“I’m disgusted by how cute you two are.” John said, with a chuckle shaking his head.

“You gotta admit, she tries really hard to cater to you—she leaves places early and keeps all contact minimal when you’re around.” Eric reasoned.

“You sound like Pat.” John chuckled. “And Garrett, Jared, and Kennedy.”

“I’m sure Pat and Chelsea are telling Jamison right now to be an asshole to you.” Eric said, as Mel nodded in agreement. “I actually hope they are. She’s been too nice to you.”

“I don’t even know what to say to that.” John said, feeling like he was being completely ambushed.

“For the sake of tour and the people around you at least… try and be civil with her.” Eric suggested. “Maybe once you do that, you can forgive her and you guys can be friends even…”

John listened to one of his closest and oldest friends say the words he was afraid to think about. Truth be told, the tiniest part of John wanted that. It would be a sense of relief in a sense, for the tour and for the others. But he didn’t know how to go about it.

Jamison sat in her hotel room alone, channel surfing she had decided to call it a night-in while everyone else on tour decided to go out for the evening. She had usually always been up for going out but today had felt like one of those days where she just needed to be alone. But for some reason, her hotel room felt more suffocating than her bunk. She decided to grab a jacket and head to the roof to get some fresh air.

After going up the elevator to the top floor, Jamison took the stairwell up to the rooftop. She opened the door and much to her surprise, John was sitting on top of a generator drinking a beer.

“Oh—hey…” John said, surprised to see Jamison.

“Hi.” She said, sheepishly. “I’ll leave you to enjoy yourself.” She turned to head back to open the door.

“Don’t leave on my account.” He said, “I know you have been less than a nice guy since this tour even began but you gotta understand where I’m coming from.”

“I—“

“You got your chance to speak in the elevator, it’s my turn.” John began, “I don’t know how to mask my… whatever I feel about you. I know I’m not making this easy for you…”

“John—“ Jamison felt like the speech was all to familiar. Specifically, the drunken confession John made during St. Patrick’s Day when he told her he hated her. She didn’t want to hear that again.

“It’s not like we can’t not see each other—we’re on tour together. Something that a few years ago would have been the greatest thing for me. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you but I would like to try and be civil and maybe that can even lead us to being friends again—we were such good friends at one point… you’re not the only one who missed it.” John said, surprised that he admitted the latter part of statement. “So, can we try?” He asked, looking at her trying to read her.

“Alright.” She nodded, walking over to where John was sitting.

“Have a beer.” John offered, picking up a bottle from the six-pack he had bought not too long ago as he scooted over for her to take a seat next to him.

Jamison took a seat beside John before taking the bottle from his hand. “Thanks.” She said, twisting off the cap and tossing it beside her.

“So, why’d you decided to stay in?”

“One of those nights where I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep up.” She said, taking a sip of her beer. “What about you?”

“More or less the same, I can’t keep up with Brendon sometimes.” John admitted, with a sheepish chuckle.

“He is a ball of energy...” Jamison chuckled, shaking her head in agreement.

“Let’s do something for old times sake.”

“What do you have in mind?” She asked, curiously.

“Do you remember that game we played when we were recording the album and we stayed in together babysitting Declan?” John asked, looking over at her.

“I feel like I am learning a lot of bits and pieces about you… it’s been over 2 months and I feel like I know so little about you.” John smirked at Jamison, “You surprise me far more than you should.”

“You could just ask, for the most part I think I’ll answer.” Jamison countered, laughing at John’s teasing manner at her.

“What’s the fun in that?” He joked.

“Wanna play a game then? Make learning about me exciting.” Jamison said half jokingly setting her scotch down.

“What game?”

“Truth or drink.”

“How do you play?”

“Ask any question, you either answer—truthfully, I might add… or if you don’t want to answer. You take a drink… and get wasted and spill your secrets anyways.” She said, laughing at the latter part of the explanation.

“Anything?”

“Anything is fair game.” She said, going into the kitchen and grabbing a bottle of Jameson whiskey and shot glasses. “Deepest secrets to favorite snack food and anything else in between.”

“Alright, let’s play…” John smirked as Jamison opened the bottle and filled the shot glasses.

“Yeah…” She nodded, weakly.

John took out his phone and began looking for the stopwatch app. “Let’s do something like that except for the next 30 minutes, we can ask each other anything and the other has to answer it in complete honesty.” He proposed, showing his phone to her with the 30-minute timer ready.

Jamison suddenly felt a bit nervous but swallowed her fear and decided to let John deal the cards. “Sounds fair.”

“You seem so fearless.”

“I am a person with a lot of fears.” She laughed at his judgment on her as she took another shot.

“What are some of your fears? You always seem so together… it’s actually intimidating at times.” John asked, chuckling as he took a shot of his Jameson.

“I am far from together…” She laughed, “I have a fear of heights, clowns, falling down the stairs, and probably a bunch of other irrational fears. I have a fear about falling apart again, a fear of not caring or loving a friend anymore or realizing I never did care or love for a friend, growing apart from people, my career ending… so many things.” She listed off her thoughts to him.

“Do you think it’s possible to just stop caring or loving someone?”

“I don’t know… I think that’s a big fear I have. But I think it’s possible to realize you never loved or care for someone and I think that’s harder than telling someone you love them.”

“You think so?” He said intrigued by her opinion.

“Loving someone is a good thing, how could that be taken in a bad way? Telling someone you don’t love them… who likes hearing bad news? Forming those words are probably harder than saying, ‘I love you’” She explained her thoughts.

“They are…” He thought to himself, thinking back to his own experience.

John thought about that one girl—the one girl back home he had met not too long ago. The one he had probably (unintentionally) hurt. They had met and grown to fond of each other but it seemed obvious that she liked John more than he liked her. They had been in relationship for a few months and it was comfortable but John knew there wasn’t a future for them because he didn’t love her as time went on. He thought he could’ve loved her—he thought time could change that. But it hadn’t and he had ended things. He felt horrible about it cause she was a nice person but she wasn’t the person for him and for some reason that didn’t resonate well for John. He didn’t understand what exactly was missing between them and even till now he was wondering.

He was more upset that he couldn’t feel love but was able to feel and know he wasn’t in love.

“But you talked about wanting the happy ending…” Jamison asked, interrupting John from his thoughts. “What is your happy ending John Cornelius O’Callaghan?”

“The Fifth.” He said, with a smirk.

“What is your happy ending John Cornelius O’Callaghan The Fifth?” Jamison repeated herself adding on the infamous part of his name.

He thought for a moment before answering, what was his happy ending?

“I guess what Brendan has… a wife, an awesome kid or two, my family, good friends, and music in my life… a house to create memories in with my future family, making music and touring, learning and… living.” He answered honestly and passionately.

“Sounds like a good one.” She shook her head giving him a smile for his wholehearted answer.

“What about Jamison Jae In Song? What is your happy ending—even though you don’t believe in them. What would you like in future? Or your wants and desires?” He asked giving her a crooked smile, while watching her think up an answer to the elusive question.

“I wish for a bulletproof soul.” She answered honestly looking at John straight in the eye.

John pressed the start button to the timer and it began counting down. They sat for a moment in silence, John trying to think of a question to ask Jamison to start off.

“Did you ever fake it?” John asked, giving her a smirk as she chuckled at his question knowing he asked it to ease the tension between the two.

“No.” Jamison shook her head with a laugh. “Did you ever fake it?” She asked, taking a sip of her beer.

“On the contrary to popular belief that men can fake it, I am not one of those men.” John said, lightheartedly. “Have you been with anyone since?”

“No, in every possible way.” She gave a weak smile, looking out into the city skyline.

“What’s one thing you miss about me?” He asked, before taking a sip of beer he continued to look at Jamison who was avoiding his gaze and looking at the view in front of them.

“This one might be weird but I miss sitting in comfortable silences with you while talking—there was always some kind of ease being around you.” She answered, “When did you realize you loved me?” She asked, catching him a bit off guard at the weight of the question.

John thought for a moment before answering the question.

“I think I always had the potential to love you—as a friend or otherwise. But it just happened, there wasn’t a huge epiphany or anything like that… it just happened without even me knowing it at first. One day I was aware of it and wanted to tell you… so I did.” He began, “But once I knew… a lot of things were better than they were, things just made sense, and the anxious excited feelings I got from being able to tell you something as simple as telling you how my day went yet there was this ease to it all—you and I just fell into place like it was just supposed to be.”

“Thanks for always being so supportive in every way possible.” He said looking at her straight in the eye.

“Thanks for making music and being in this world.” Jamison said, with a smile.

John brought her hand to his lips and kissed it not letting go of it. “You’re sweet.”

“Not as sweet as this pie I’m going to order…” She laughed looking down at her menu again.

John watched Jamison intently—she was just dressed in an 8123 sweatshirt and jeans with her hair tied up all messy with bangs everywhere since her hair was basically too short to tie properly. John kept stealing glances at her as she was looking at her menu. Jamison’s bangs fell in her eyes, she kept trying to tuck them behind her ear but it didn’t seem work. She looked up and caught John looking at her and smiled before looking back down at her menu. It was a simple moment, nothing extravagant or big— they were sitting in an empty diner together but John had realized at that moment he was in love with her.

It wasn’t a grand moment that made him come to this realization. All John knew was that he was in love with Jamison.

John Cornelius O’Callaghan the Fifth was in love with Jamison Jae In Song.

“Hey Jamison?” He said quietly, feeling like his heart had jumped into his throat.

“Yeah?” She looked up at him.

“I love you.” He said, feeling like his insides were scrambled wondering how she would react.

“I love you too.” She said, casually with a smile like they had already been saying it to each other.

“Did you ever feel annoyed by the fact I knew nothing about relationships or anything?” She asked, looking over at John who began looking at the skyline.

“On the contrary, male egotism or something but I liked knowing I was the first to take you out on a date or the first person who was able to push you to do things no one else could… I liked knowing I was the first of many things for you. It made me want to try so much harder to be best version of myself.”

“I’m glad I can help with that ego thing…” She said, as they both laughed.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” John asked, softly looking at over at her to see she was staring out at the view again.

“If I told you, I felt like there would have been this expiration date that we’d both be dreading… and I just wanted to spend time with you experiencing the purest feelings of joy. Without the burden of you knowing there would be an end. And I just didn’t want to admit it to myself… the end was coming.” She said, “Did you listen to it?” She asked, not being specific but John knew exactly what she meant with her question—had he listened to her album.

“I did. More than I want to admit…” He said, not elaborating on his answer mostly cause he didn’t know how to form words beyond that.

“What do you like about Molly?”

“She doesn’t remind me of you.” He admitted, watching her eyes sadden a bit but keeping a small smile on her face.

“I’m glad…” She shook her head.

“Was it all worth it? What would you have changed?” He asked, staring at her wondering what her answer would be.

Just then his phone began beeping telling him that time was up and the game was over.

“Times up…” Jamison said, looking over at him.