Stealing Glances

October 2015

John sat on the couch in his room while his iPod was on shuffle blasting through his speakers sorting through old journal once again. He had been spending most of his time going through old songs he had put on the backburner, wondering and hoping if he could possibly revived them and work them into the next album. And while inspiration hadn’t been hitting him as hard as he would’ve like but he was taking anything that was coming his way.

Although creativity didn’t have a deadline, the band had decided to aim for a early 2016 release and that meant John had limited time to get over his writer’s block.

Suddenly his cell phone vibrated beside him. He looked to see a message from a very welcomed person.

Tessa told me to tell you—your presence is required for dinner.

John smiled to himself as he read the text message. A month ago John had met Molly, Tessa’s friend at the dinner she and Jared hosted. Since then, they had been seeing each other for a better lack of term, not putting a label on things.

John stood with a beer in his hand conversing with Jared about possibly tracking some demos before Tessa had walked up to them holding the arm of an unfamiliar face. One thing that John knew was the look of determination was in Tessa’s eyes and that was something he would never question.

“John, this is Molly—she works in advertising. She actually worked with me when I was releasing my book.” Tessa introduced with a smile on her face that seemed even too happy and excited for her usual bubbly demeanor.

“Hi, I’m John.” John smiled as he let out his hand for her to shake.

“Molly. Nice to meet you.” Molly smiled back while accepting his hand and firmly shaking it.

“I am going to make sure everyone has a drink in hand and is happy.” Tessa said, unable to hide her excitement. “Come with me Jare.” She grabbed her boyfriend by the arm and dragged him away as he gave the two an apologetic look causing them to chuckle.

“So, advertising? Do you specialize in books?” John asked, as he started to make small talk. After years of being in a band and speaking to fans every night he still wasn’t all that great at making conversation though he always made an effort.

“I dabble in a little bit of everything—books, music, art… whatever the client does.” She responded with a nod.

“Nice.”

“You’re in The Maine, right?”

“Yes, I am. Are you a fan?”

“Casual listener. I can’t say I’ve ever been to a show.” She admitted with a smile.

“Hopefully you’ll change your mind and come see us one day.” John proposed with a smile, hoping he was being somewhat charming.

“Maybe I will.”

“So, did you know this was a ‘bring your single friends to set them up with one another’ dinner party?” He asked with a smirk causing Molly to chuckle.

“No, I was just told I would be getting a free meal.” She said in mock seriousness. “But I mean, Tessa talking about how I must meet you and how great you are should have tipped me off. She practically dragged me here. I think you can see the fingernail marks she left on my arm.” She put out her arm and pretended to show John her fake wounds.

“She’s lovely but never been subtle.”

“She wouldn’t be who she is if she wasn’t.”

“True.”

“So, are we proving her wrong or right?” Molly asked with a smile as she quickly glanced over at Tessa who had been watching them like hawks from afar.

“Ask me again at the end of the night.”

Granted, Molly had lived in LA but she had been flying out to AZ quite often to help prepare for the launch of Tessa’s latest cookbook. But with that and the wonders of technology it hadn’t been too hard for them to maintain momentum with one another.

John kept sorting through journals till he stumbled upon one that looked a bit unfamiliar to him. He picked it up to see it had been the journal given him when they had been recording, “Forever Halloween”.

“By the way, I have something for you.” Jamison said, picking up a notebook that was on the patio table and handed it to John.

John looked at the notebook curiously and opened it to see questions on every few pages—he had realized Jamison had made him a notebook like she had for Ryan when he was going through his writer’s block.

“This is—thank you.” He said feeling speechless while staring at the notebook in disbelief, truly touched by her gesture.

“I think language; speaking, writing, whatever it maybe is like magic. Every sentence we say is like a magic spell- language is the closet thing we have to magic. The way I say something can determine a lot, like if I ask you to give me a cup of coffee… it’s like a magic spell in a sense. You give because I asked…” She explained, “Your form of language is your words and music- that is your magic…”

“I never thought of it like that…” He chuckled looking at Jamison with a smile.

“Despite having a lot of scars from the past. I like to believe that the good memories I create now and in the future can be used like band aids on my scars from the past and whatever is to come.” She gave him an optimistic smile. “Maybe this whole process—the album… can help that open wound of yours. Maybe it can be a band aid.”

He skimmed through the journal to see thoughts he had written that were prompted by her questions, random ideas and thoughts from late night sessions while recording, and the song he had written for Jamison the a few Christmas’ ago.

“So, this is my gift to you. I never know what to get the girl who has everything…” He smiled sheepishly before putting his hands on the keyboard. “But I tried.”

“What are you doing?” She asked looking a bit confused as John warmed his hands up by playing a few chords.

“This one is for you…” He said as he began playing the piano and singing a song she had never heard before.

Been up all night staring at you
Wondering what's on your mind
I've been this way with so many before but this feels like the first time

You want the sunrise to go back to bed
I want to make you laugh

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers
I'm waiting
Every word you say I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

Happy to lay here
Just happy to be here
I'm happy to know you
Play me a song
Your newest one
Please leave your taste on my tongue

Paperweight on my back
Cover me like a blanket

Mess up my bed with me
Kick off the covers
I'm waiting
Every word you say I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

And no need to worry
That's wasting time
And no need to wonder what's been on my mind
It's you
It's you
It's you

Every word you say I think I should write down
Don't want to forget come daylight

And I give up
I let you win
You win 'cause I'm not counting

You made it back to sleep again
Wonder what you're dreaming

“Did you write that?” She asked completely speechless by what she had just heard.

“I did… for you.” He said giving her a lazy smile and getting up from his seat walking over to his backpack and grabbing something from it. “And made you this mix CD.” He laughed handing her a jewel case.

“I—there are no words.” Jamison was completely speechless and in awe of what had just happened.

John smiled as he kissed Jamison.

“Merry Christmas Jamie.”

“Merry Christmas John.”

He closed the journal before delving into it anymore while letting out a sigh and looked for the next journal to sort through. Unexpectedly, Jamison’s voice had flooded through his speakers.

Well, maybe I'm a crook for stealing your heart away
Yeah, maybe I'm a crook for not caring for it
Yeah, maybe I'm a bad, bad, bad, bad person
Well, baby, I know

He always wondered how life had uncanny timing when it came to her. But from he knew she was doing fine without him…

And he was doing fine without her.

--------------------

It had been the last day of the “Lonely Hearts” tour after almost 2 months of being on the road— it was finally time for it to end. Jamison, Butch, and Brendan were on one of the buses waiting for a van to come pick them up for radio promotion they were doing at the local radio station in Phoenix.

“How did this tour get routed to end in AZ when we were down in the neighboring state last week?” Jamison asked she lounged on the couch, legs sprawled all over and taking up most of the space.

“It’s cause of radio promo we’re ending here…” Butch explained. “Someone has a top 20 album and top 10 single.” He looked at her playfully as she laughed sheepishly.

Jamison shook her head as Brendan and Butch looked at one another with smirks. “I should send a fruit basket to the marketing department at Universal…” She chuckled.

“Who knew we’d have our own label and that Universal would be our distributor…” Brendan laughed, running his hands through his hair.

“Lonely hearts for life.” Jamison raised her hand with the tattoo they had all gotten together. “Vanity label or not… I’m not in a number album contract. I’m nobody’s bitch.” She said triumphantly in a joking manner putting her arms in the air causing everyone to laugh.

“It really helps that you had all those playing cards in your hand.” Brendan said, “The power you have.” He teased, causing more laughter.

“Only took me ten years to utilize that.” She joked. “Do we have anything else besides radio promo today?”

“Nope. We drive back up to LA tomorrow afternoon.” Butch said with a smile, as he was ready to go home to his family and studio.

“Then back to work.” Brendan laughed knowing their workaholic ways.

“Back to work.” Jamison agreed with a nod.

Brendan got up from his seat and let out a content sigh. “I’m going to go out for a smoke break before we have to head to the station.”

“I gotta jump on my bus and call the wife and kid.” Butch said, as he followed Brendan along to exit the bus.

“Do your thing.” Jamison waved them off before drowning herself into the couch more.

Butch and Brendan walked off the bus; Butch had headed onto his tour bus that was parked behind Brendan’s bus while Brendan walked further away from the buses and the venue for some privacy.

Brendan looked around to see if he was alone before pulling out his phone and dialing a number he hadn’t in a long time. But knew he had to while being in town.

He was calling Garrett.

Even after recording “Forever Halloween” and even with Jamison leaving. The two had kept in slight touch with one another through social media.

“Hello?” Garrett answered, sounding more confused than anything else.

“Garrett.” Brendan responded happily completely unfazed by everything.

“Brendan?”

“What’s up man? How have you been?”

“Good. How are you?” Garrett answered easing up a bit. He had known Brendan was in town with Jamison but he hadn’t been expecting a call of any sorts.

“Great. So we’re ending tour today and luckily our last stop is Phoenix. I wanted to invite you and the guys to the show—maybe we can hang out and stuff after. We don’t leave until the afternoon tomorrow.”

“Oh wow, I’d love to I’ll have to check with the others—“

“I’m not expecting John to come…” Brendan chuckled sheepishly hearing the tension in Garrett’s voice.

“Right.” Garrett chuckled nervously as he rubbed the back of his neck. He wasn’t completely sure how to approach the situation.

“She’s sorry you know… to you guys, to John. Even though she doesn’t admit it, I think she still beats herself over how things ended and drifting apart from you guys—she didn’t just lose John. She lost some good friends too.” He explained hoping Garrett could sympathize with Jamison, he knew she would never admit it but she had missed the others.

“I can’t speak for the others but I never held it against her…” Garrett confessed feeling like he was betraying John. “I’m sure she thought it was the right thing to do since she broke up with John. I can say I do miss her quite terribly.”

“I am certain that feeling is mutual.” Brendan assured him smiling at Garrett’s words. “Come out, it’d be great to see you guys. You guys have to see Jae on stage—she’s something else.”

“I’ll let the guys know and we’ll be there.” Garrett assured him.

“Call me when you get here.”

“Will do.” He nodded. “Hey Brendan?”

“Yeah?”

“How is she?”

“Honestly? I have no idea most of the time.” Brendan answered honestly as he turned to look at the tour bus Jamison was inside of.

He hadn’t been sure for awhile.

Jamison, Brendan, and Butch were at the local radio station doing a mini acoustic set as well as an interview. It had been routine for them to do some kind of radio promotion in every major city to promote the album. Despite it all being alike, it had been enjoyable for everyone.

After playing a song off the album, it was time to get back into the interview segment and Dave of KEZ 99.9 had a slew of more questions to ask.

“So, we’re here with Jamison Song as well as Butch Walker and Brendan Benson. So Jamison, I have to ask—you’ve been doing this a long time. What has changed since you’ve gotten older?” Dave asked, as he looked at Jamison who was thinking of her answer.

“I’ve taken more care of myself—I treat myself more.” She chuckled. “I make an effort to dress up and things.” She said half jokingly as she gestured to her outfit, which had consisted of an all black ensemble—black t-shirt dress, black tights, and black chelsea boots.

Dave chuckled, nodding his head in agreement to her statement. “How would you describe you style?”

“Upscale grandma or uncle—depends on the day.” She answered as everyone in the studio began to laugh.

“Fashion trend you just can’t get into?”

“Crop tops.” She answered without hesitation. “More power to you if you can wear it but I don’t like showing a lot of skin.”

“You know how most girls wear a muscle shirt with the big arm holes and they’ll just wear a bar under it and have it show. Jamison wears a tank top under her muscle shirts.” Butch explained with a chuckle, as he looked over at her. “She wears a lot of muscle shirts.”

“I like muscle shirts but I have no muscles to speak of.” Jamison joked, causing more laughter in the studio.

“What do you do during the summer?” Dave asked curiously as Jamison chuckled sheepishly at his question.

“I mean, I wear shorts and things but I like things at a modest length… it’s a personal thing.” She shrugged. “I like leaving it to the imagination.” She said jokingly as she adjusting her headphones.

“Do you have any great stories for this tour? Like what is your most memorable moment on this tour?” Dave asked, reading off his script before looking over at Jamison.

Jamison thought for a moment staring at the light fixture that had “ON AIR” lit up upon it. “Gosh, that’s hard it’s my first one… I feel like this whole thing has just been a weird dream.”

Brendan looked at her with a smirk. “Vegas—“

“Oh god, you’re right—Vegas.” Jamison began bursting into laughter along with Butch and Brendan recalling the events that had happened at their Vegas show.

“What happened in Vegas? Or is it a “what happen in Vegas, stays in Vegas” type of thing?” Dave asked excitedly, hoping to get the scoop.

“During the show, I was talking and there was someone who kept heckling from the crowd in this super flamboyant voice. I looked to see who it was and in the front row was Brendon from Panic! At The Disco, shouting weird things like, “You go girl!” and just weird things.” Jamison explained with a laugh. “None of us knew but he was in Vegas at the time visiting his family.”

Dave laughed hysterically at the story, shaking his head in disbelief. “No way! How did the crowd react?”

“People were flipping out obviously… but also, laughing and egging Brendon on.” Brendan said laughing as he took a sip of his coffee.

“So, we brought him up on stage to play a song with us on drums.” Butch added in, as he shook his head.

“He plays like a million instruments, doesn’t he?” Dave asked looking at the three for confirmation with his statement.

“He does.” Jamison nodded. “At least he’s attempted to.”

“So sum up this tour for us in a few words.” Dave asked, as Jamison carefully thought of her answer.

“Best first tour ever? In the history of the world?” She answered, squinting her eyes sounding somewhat shy of her own response as she laughed.

“Really?” Dave raised an eyebrow. “Those are some big words you are saying.”

“I stand by them.” She chuckled as Butch and Brendan nodded along in agreement wit her.

Dave chuckled and nodded accepting her answer. “Do you have any plans to tour after this?”

“As of now… nope. But I’m not opposed to it either. I think I’m going to take a break for a bit—get back and do what I usually do in the studio and after the holidays, we’ll see what happens.”

After doing radio promotions and sound check, it was only a few more minutes till doors opened. Brendan had gotten a call from Garrett telling him that he and the rest of the guys were outside the venue. He quickly sneaked out and headed outside to see some familiar faces he hadn’t met in awhile.

“Hey guys.” Brendan greeted them, going down the line to give each one of them a quick hug.

“It’s been a long time.” Jared announced as he felt a bit awkward but powering through the situation for the sake of it.

“It has… you guys should watch in the back with Mike.” Brendan suggested, as he handed them each a pass.

“That sounds great.” Kennedy said.

“I gotta get going cause I’m playing first tonight but I’ll come get you after the show.” Brendan said, “Jae’s headlining tonight.”

“Sounds good.”

The guys stood in the back with Mike who had been one of the engineers for “Forever Halloween” and was working sound on the tour with Brendan. They all watched Brendan’s set in awe but completely unsurprised by how awesome it had been. He was Brendan Benson after all. Then had come Butch’s set that had been a complete party of it’s own (featuring a tour prank by Brendan which involved clowns dancing). It had always inspired the guys to see such amazing live performances by people they had admired.

Finally, it was time for Jamison to go on and for some reason all the guys felt completely nervous. Partly because they felt like they were betraying some kind of friendship code and another part was just nervous curiosity.

But none of them had been disappointed with what they had seen. Jamison had performed like it was second nature—working off the energy off her band and making charming awkward banter in between songs. Not for a second did the guys avert their focus from Jamison—it had been like a spell was casted upon them. This wasn’t just another performance—it had been an experience.

“So, I was going to end my set with a Spice Girls song but Butch and Brendan advised against it as it would deter the attention off them.” She joked, pointing to the two. “I had the dance moves and everything ready for you guys.” She continued with a sarcastic tone causing everyone in the audience to laugh.

Suddenly a loud voice from the crowd yelled, “I love you!” before letting out a scream of excitement.

“I love you too, heckling audience member.” She pointed to the random fan giving them a smile as Jake set a stool beside her before running off stage. “This is the last song and it’s called, “A Case of You” Thank you guys so much for tolerating my set—if you would like to talk about anything or something like that I’ll be hanging out after the show. Till then I shall see you around Tempe.” She took a seat on the stool as Brendan and Butch did the same as well strapping on their acoustic guitars. “Also, thank you for making my first tour such a good one… just thank you guys.”

Just before our love got lost you said
"I am as constant as a northern star" and I said,
"Constantly in the darkness
Where's that at?
If you want me I'll be in the bar"

On the back of a cartoon coaster
In the blue TV screen light
I drew a map of America
Oh America
With your face sketched on it twice

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter
And so sweet oh
I could drink a case of you darling and I would
Still be on my feet
Oh I would still be on my feet

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
I remember that time that you told me,
"Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine 'cause
Part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time

Oh you are in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter
And so sweet oh
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

I met a woman
She had a mouth like yours, she knew your life
She knew your devils and your deeds and she said
"Go to him
Stay with him if you can
But be prepared to bleed"

Oh but you are in my blood you're my holy wine
You're so bitter
bitter and so sweet oh
I could drink a case of you darling
Still I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet

The three took a bow before heading backstage and rehydrating then doing an encore together of medleys of Butch and Brendan’s hits along with some covers. The night ended with the final song being sung in the crowd with people surrounding the band and joining along.

After their final thank you’s, they all headed backstage and quickly rehydrated themselves.

“You did amazing.” Jake yelled, wrapping his arms around Jamison and spinning her around her a hug. “There’s a reason you’re my favorite song.” He laughed as adrenaline ran through him at an all time high.

“Jake Sinclair, you will always be my favorite sin.” Jamison said continuing to embrace him. “Thank you for being apart of this.”

“I am so glad I got to be apart of this… so proud of you Jae.” He kissed the side of her head before letting go of her. “Last night of tour, we will drink wine and whiskey.”

“No glasses needed with you.” She teased, running her fingers through her damp hair.

“Of course not.” He smiled.

“You are becoming one of the next greats Sinclizzle.” Jamison said putting her hand on his arm and looked at him proudly.

“I’ve got good people in my life to help me get there.”

“I’m always going to be here for you Sinclair.” She smiled. “In any way I can.”

“It goes both ways…” He smiled, pulling her into another hug.

Just then Jamison felt a tap on her shoulder she turned around to see Brendan with a grin on his face opening his arms out for her.

“Brendan…” Jamison smiled, as she embraced him.

“I am so fucking proud of you.” Brendan said. “It has been an honor.”

“Thanks, that means everything to me.”

Brendan pulled back and grabbed her by the shoulders looking at her intently. “I am so thankful we met all those years ago and we got to become family. I love you and… just don’t forget that.”

“I won’t.” She shook her head giving him a weak smile.

“I’ll be back…” Brendan gave her a quick peak on the cheek before disappearing.

Butch had come up from behind Jamison and held her for a moment sighing happily.

“Jae.” Butch said, as she turned around and looked at him.

“Butch.” Jamison laughed.

“You did good.”

“Thanks… all thanks to you guys.”

“Let this be the first of many more great things to come for you.”

“We can only hope.” She shook her head letting out a sheepish chuckle.

“Or make it happen.” Butch smirked causing Jamison to laugh at his response.

“Jae… look whose here.” Brendan said as she heard several feet walk into the green room.

Jamison turned around to see Garrett, Pat, Kennedy, and Jared standing a few feet in front of her. She wasn’t sure if it had been real or it was just a really awkward dream. They all looked pretty clueless and confused on how reaction with one another.

“Hey guys…” Jamison said sheepishly averting her gaze at them suddenly feeling completely awkward and uncomfortable.

“Hey Jae. It’s been awhile since you’ve been here, hasn’t it?” Garrett said, trying to sound positive instead of awkward.

May 2015

Jamison Song felt like a crazy person. It had only been about a week since she had gotten back from Australia and she was already back in the studio. She had spent the first few days catching up with friends and purchasing a beach house in Santa Monica with Jake moving in as her roommate so he wouldn’t commute the horrible LA traffic—and they were now neighbors with Butch.

But somehow Jamison had gotten in her car and just drove till she ended up where she was. She had a million thoughts running through her head wondering what she was doing and if she had truly gone crazy. She nervously knocked on the door and let out a sigh.

“Jamison…” Jenny said completely shocked when she opened the door to see Jamison Song standing in front of her.

“Hi Jen—Mrs. O’Callaghan.” Jamison said nervously as she looked to the ground like it was the most interesting thing see had ever seen.

“Jamison, what are you doing here?”

“You could say that…” She said, still looking at the guys wide eyed and a bit of shock.