Stealing Glances

Everyone had decided to take the party to the hotel; they all sat in the living room of the penthouse suite courtesy of Universal for a very successful first tour. An awkward silence lulled over the room as Butch began opening the bottle of Jameson and Brendan retreating glasses for everyone.

“We’re going to hash this awkward shit out over whiskey—whiskey brings people together.” Butch announced as he poured 2 fingers worth of whiskey into glasses with Brendan passing the filled glasses to everyone.

“Amen.” Brendan said, lifting up his glass. “Even if we have to finish this bottle for you guys to look at one another in the eye… it’s going to fucking happen.”

“What do you want us to say?” Kennedy mumbled staring at his drink not knowing where to look.

“Anything.” Butch sighed. “You guys are acting like you’ve never even been in the same room with one another.” He said, as everyone awkwardly looked at one other.

“How have you been Jae?” Pat asked, breaking the tension amongst each other.

“I’ve been alright.” Jamison answered nodding her head as she took a sip of her whiskey hoping it would ease her nerves.

“You’ve done a lot since we last saw you…” Garrett said, giving her a small smile.

“It doesn’t seem like it’s real at times.” She chuckling, shaking her head in a bit of disbelief at her own life.

The room went silent once more with an awkward silence lulling upon them.

“We don’t hate you—we hope you know that.” Jared said, looking over at Jamison who let out a sigh.

“I needed to hear that.” She admitted, giving a weak smile.

“At the end of the day my loyalty is always with John but it wasn’t easy having you out of our lives—we know why you phased yourself out but that didn’t make it easier. We care about you… you were our friend too.” Kennedy said in complete honesty as everyone nodded in agreement.

“I should have fought harder to keep you guys around but it just didn’t feel right or fair to John after everything I put him through…” Jamison explained, as she scratched the back of her neck nervously.

“Sometimes, I feel like you are too hard on yourself.” Pat said, as he watched her take a drink.

“Personality trait.” She chuckled sheepishly.

“I propose a toast. To Jamison on her first tour—you made it one for the books.” Brendan said, raising his glass as everyone followed.

“I’ll drink to that.” Jake agreed enthusiastically lifting his drink up as everyone followed suit.

“Cheers.” Everyone said in unison, clinking their glasses with the person besides them then taking a drink.

“I gotta say, I never thought I’d be seeing you live on stage.” Jared looked over at Jamison with a small smile that crept upon his face.

Jamison sheepishly laughed while shrugging her shoulders. “I never thought I’d be at this point in my life either.”

“It’s an amazing record…” Kennedy piped in before taking a sip of his whiskey.

She chuckled nervously before giving a weak smile. “Thanks.”

“Listening to that entire things brought back a lot of memories—even if it wasn’t my story.” Garrett said, “It made just—I don’t even know… it’s a fucking great record.” He chuckled feeling speechless and unable to form words to convey his feelings.

“Thanks.” Jamison said feeling truly touched by their kind words. “You guys were apart of it all… the journey to this point.” She smiled, giving a small nod.

“I missed this…” Pat admitted staring at his drink.

“I did too.” Jared said with a nod, taking a sip from his glass as a collective nod began in the room.

“I think we all can unanimously agree we all did.” Brendan said with a chuckle.

“So, where do we go from here?” Kennedy asked, looking at everyone with a look of curiosity.

“I don’t know…” Jamison said, with a sigh looking at the others hoping they would have the answer to what seemed to be the million dollar question.

“I don’t want to pretend to be strangers.” Garrett admitted sheepishly wondering how the others would feel.

“Me either.” Pat agreed, nodding his head feeling a bit like he had betrayed John in a sense.

“I guess the jury has spoken…” Butch said looking around the room with a hopeful smile silently thanking the whiskey as it had always brought him good fortunate on most occasions.

“I guess so…” Jamison said, with a chuckle before taking another sip of her drink.

“So, how did you even make this record? I—I just am so baffled.” Garrett asked, looking at her in a bit of astonishment at how she even had the courage to make an entire record based off one of his best friends. He remembered how he couldn’t even acknowledge certain breakups cause it had effected him so much.

May 2015

Brendan, Butch, Jake, and Jamison had been in the studio all day working on another potential track for Jamison’s album. It had only been about 3 weeks since Jamison had gotten back from being overseas and within the first few days she was already back at work producing as well as potentially making her own album of sorts.

It was another late night in Butch’s studio in Santa Monica, they had the earlier part of the evening tracking demos and reworking songs. They were now laying down the vocals for the song “The Ocean” they could all see the exhaustion in Jamison’s eyes but no one had said a word knowing this was how she was dealing with things—throwing herself in work.

“Let’s just do the second chorus again.” Butch said through the intercom from the control room.

“Alright.” Jamison said, with a nod while adjusting her headphones.

“Whenever you’re ready.” Jake said, as he watched for Jamison’s signal to start the track.

“You come over unannounced.
Silence broken by your voice in the dark.
I need you here tonight
Just like the ocean needs the waves.”

She closed her eyes and just sang the words as a wave of emotion washed through Jamison. She sang those lines thinking back to when John had come to her place the night before she was leaving and the last few moments they had ever shared with one another. She felt tears forming behind her closed eyes.

“Fall around me now. Like stars that shine and brighten the way.” She sang as tears began falling from her eyes. “I need you here tonight. Just like this night it needs the rain.”

She began sobbing the last line before falling to her knees and breaking into more tears. Jake, Butch, and Brendan immediately stopped recording and ran into the live room and crowded around her.

“I don’t have much hope left.” Jamison admitted through her tears as she continued crying on the floor.

Butch placed a hand on her shoulder as he felt his own break a little seeing her in such a state. “Borrow ours…” He said simply.

Brendan crotched down and began wiping a few of her tears. “For however long…”

“Everything we have is yours.” Jake said, getting on his knees and pulling her into a hug.

“There was a lot of borrowed hope and just everything I needed to make it happen.” She explained, looking over at her three guardian angels of sorts with a secret smile as each of them gave her a look of admiration. “I didn’t do it alone.”

--------------

It was Saturday afternoon and Molly had flown out from Los Angeles to visit John. They were spending the afternoon unpacking miscellaneous things that John had never gotten around to since he had moved out of the house he and Eric (since he moved to Los Angeles) once shared and into a two bedroom apartment.

“So, I know Eric moved earlier this year but why are you just now unpacking your things, you’ve lived in this place for awhile…”

“I don’t know never got around to it, I was on tour till earlier this year but unpacking never came across my mind when I got back. I mean my bed is made and I have the basic necessities. It just seemed tedious.” “Thanks for helping…”

“No worries.” She smiled, opening one of the boxes that were marked as “vinyl”. “So, what’s it like living alone now?”

“I’m not alone— I got my girl Ruby.” John smirked as he nodded his head over at the corner of the living room where Ruby was napping.

“Touché.” She chuckled, slowly taking out each record from the box and marveling through them.

“Not having a roommate though is a bit weird, I’ve always had one in some capacity.” He admitted, as he slowly began creating a system around him to organize his records.

“I would think so.” She nodded, getting up from the floor and walking over to the stack of boxes. “So, I know I shouldn’t be surprised you have an entire box of journals. But how do you have so many?” She asked, opening the box marked “journals” and seeing it filled to the brim.

“I don’t know… they just happened over the years.” He chuckled sheepishly scratching the back of his head.

Molly smiled, as an idea popped into her head. “So, I think I deserve some kind of reward or compensation for helping you unpack your things…”

“What would you like?” John asked, giving her a semi-suggestive smirk causing her to giggle.

“Could I hear some demos of things you’ve been working on?”

“Honestly, there isn’t much.” He answered, surprised by her request.

“Do you have anything you’ve worked on awhile back, something on the back burner?”

“I have bits and pieces…” John said, getting up from the floor and grabbing his laptop. “Like this one.” He began playing a demo he had worked on awhile back.

Give me thunder, give me lightning,
and I will give you every part of me
Take me dancing, get me fucked up.
Play that old guitar and we will sing.

John began playing a few more clips for Molly that were all bits and pieces of music he had demoed out by himself.

She said I remember loving you
All of the good shit and all the bad shit too
I remember hating you
For all the right things you never tried to do
I remember needing you call me an addict, to your elastic moods
I'm packing every memory that we made
In a suitcase

“These sound great… why don’t you work with these for the next album?” Molly asked curiously looking at John as he just continued to unpack things.

January 2014

“An Evening With The Maine” tour had made it’s stop in San Francisco, John had just finished playing “These Four Words” on stage while the others got to take a short break.

“So, I want to thank you guys for coming out tonight. Hopefully even though things are a bit different you’re still having fun.” John said into his microphone as everyone began cheering. “Do you guys need anything?”

“I need for you to take off your sunglasses!” One fan heckled causing everyone to yell in agreement.

“Alright.” John chuckled, taking off his sunglasses and placing them on top of the keyboard.

Just then Jamison snuck onto the stage and placed a few water bottles next to John’s feet.

“Thanks Jamie.”

“Welcome.” She smiled, standing back up about to walk off till John grabbed her arm and pulled her next to him.

“Do you guys know Jamison here?” John asked, as a few people in the crowd cheered. “You might have seen her around the last tour and things. She produced our last record and we’ve hired her to be our personal assistant.” He joked while giggling by himself. Jamison stood there shaking her head in mock embarrassment.

“You can’t afford me.” She teased, as she stood just close enough to the mic where it picked up on her voice.

“That’s why all the ticket sales from tonight is going to her, we could only afford her for this show.” John explained in a mock serious manner causing everyone to cheer at his ridiculous antics.

“Sing ‘Ho Ho Hopefully!’ together!” One person yelled from the crowd causing the couple to laugh.

“It’s not that time of year… I don’t know what could we jam to right now?” John asked, looking at Jamison who just shrugged.

“Sing some Destiny’s Child!!!” The same person from the crowd yelled as everyone cheered along in agreement.

“That’s right up Jamison’s alley…” John laughed, looking over at Jamison and motioning her to take Kennedy’s microphone and sing for the fans.

She reluctantly did so and began singing acapella in a half joking intensity of emotion as she faced John and began singing to him. John just sat and watched in complete amusement holding back laughter.

Say my name, say my name
If no one is around you,
Say baby I love you
If you ain't runnin' game
Say my name, say my name
You actin' kinda shady,
Ain't callin' me baby
Better say my name

“Say my naaaame.” John chimed in jokingly before laughing hysterically.

“This is getting awkward—“ Jamison said, quickly putting Kennedy’s microphone back onto the stand.

“I was feeling it.” John looked over at Jamison with a smirk as the crowd cheered on. “Everyone, let’s thank Jamison Song was coming on stage and replenishing fluids for me and that impromptu jam session.” He said, gesturing over at Jamison who waved before slowly walking off stage.

The two looked at each other with a smile before John gave her a quick wink causing a few people up front that saw to scream. The one thing John was quite grateful for with his relationship with Jamison was no one had any real idea—since they had worked with one other and she had become friends with them in that no one really questioned anything. Part of John was grateful he could do things with her in such a public manner and no one would really think much of it with the exception of a few people “shipping” them together.

“My eye is just being twitchy.” John said, chuckling sheepishly putting his hands up in defense.

“I don’t know…” John mumbled nonchalantly giving her a shrug.

But the truth was—all those songs had been about one person, that person.

---------

Jamison and Jake had just finished dinner together in Los Angeles with a few of their friends and were heading back to their place but not before making a pit stop at the nearest supermarket.

“So, what do we need to get before heading home?” Jamison asked, as they walked into the supermarket on a mission.

“We have beer and chips… and real food. But we do need stuff to make salsa if we’re going to have game night sometime this week.” Jake said, as he began pulling out a cart.

“Alright, you go get those ingredients. I’m actually going to go look for more wine. I think we’re running low.”

“Aye aye Captain Jae… we’ll meet in like 20 minutes at the check out lanes?” He asked, pushing the cart towards the produce aisle.

She put her thumbs up as she began walking in the opposite direction of him. “Gotcha.”

Jamison walked into the wine and liquor aisle browsing through the shelves intently before she head her name being called by someone who wasn’t Jake.

“Jamison?”

She turned around to see none other than Eric Halvorsen.

“Eric.” She said, in complete shock to see Eric standing a few feet in front of her holding his basket filled in various snacks.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How have you been?” He asked cautiously, not knowing how he should react to the situation that was unfolding.

“It’s been an interesting few weeks…” She admitted staring at him in disbelief wondering if she was just dreaming a weird dream of sorts. “Life seems to have a weird sense of humor.”