Stealing Glances

August 2014

It would only be a few more weeks till “Imaginary Numbers” EP would be released and with that came the task of creating a music video of sorts for some of the songs. The guys had already filmed a simple lyric video for “Raining In Paris” that had just consisted of them eating cake that wasn’t too delightful to eat.

But they had decided to make one real video off the EP and it was for “Visions”. Garrett had written up the treatment and showed it to John first before anyone else. Something about the whole concept struck a chord with John, the whole premise of the video would be John sitting on a couch with his eyes closed, while a projector would be playing “memories” upon him if they were his thoughts and turn off at the end when he would open his eyes. The shoot had been planned as a 2-day shoot of filming the “memories” portion and the last day filming the main projector scene.

It was the first day on location for filming the “Visions” video and the guys were at John and Eric’s house filming a house party scene. The guys had recruited their significant others as well as a few friends to film the scene. John’s leading lady for the video, Lena was her name was a typical pretty model—long hair, amazing bone structure, and legs that went on for days, the type that no one would be surprised John could date or be in a music video with him.

“Alright, you guys know what to do—look like you’re having fun and John and Lena you guys just stare at each other like you’re the only ones in the room.” Daniel, their director for the video said, gesturing to the leads as he began putting on his headphones and was ready to monitor the take.

“Alright.” John mumbled, nodding his head and trying to brace himself for the long day that was ahead of him.

A few takes later with a lot of coaching from Daniel on John’s end to be more realistic and “into it”, they had gotten the footage they needed and were getting ready to go shoot the next scene. John had a quick wardrobe change into another t-shirt and drove off to one of the local record store to film the next scene, which was John and Lena going record hunting with one another—something he and Jamison used to do as a pastime whenever they were together.

The entire day consisted of more couple scenes—taking photos inside a vintage photo booth, shopping, reading/working quietly in each other’s company at a coffee shop, and so on. The entire day seemed to have drained John in every way possible.

After the shoot John drove home mindlessly feeling like a complete zombie.

“How are you man?” Eric asked, carefully as John walked into the house. He knew it couldn’t have been easy for John to go through what he had.

“Tired… I think I’m going to sleep off today.” John mumbled, walking into his room and shutting the door.

But he and Eric both knew he wasn’t just tired.

The next day hadn’t been any easier filming for John. He had to sit while a projector would play the footage they had filmed the day before. A sense of nostalgia kept running through him although he had filmed with Lena he had kept imagining Jamison and their time together to get into the right mindset and footage they needed for the video.

Take after take and what seemed to be never ending… everything just seemed to be on repeat.

Oh I've learned to loathe these goddamn visions
But I just can't wait, I just can't wait
No I just can't wait, to fall back to sleep

Truth was, he had not only grown to not only loathe the memories that kept haunting him but he had learned to hate the person who made him feel that way.

“Cut! We got it.” Daniel announced, “That’s a wrap you guys…”


John sat in his apartment fixing some old songs he had put on the back burner. Ever since he had let Molly listen to some of the unfinished demos he had once worked on, she had kept nudging him to work with them to get out of his slump. Despite not wanting to do so, the band needed something to work with and John couldn’t be completely selfish and not work on them just because most of them were about Jamison.

John grabbed his acoustic guitar and looked through one song he had written when he had stayed at Jamison’s place for a few days after she had left. He strummed a few chords before find the right melody to accompany the song.

I hear you calling out my name
All of the elements will fade
Never before has love looked safe
Never again will it look the same

But then we fall back now to this empty house
There the wars will rage

And if you leave me now in this empty house
Baby it's okay

Oh and it's only you yeah it's only you
It's only you and me
Oh and it's only you yeah it's only you
It's only you and me yeah

March 2014

“Would it be selfish for me to ask you to stay?” He asked, without even thinking or knowing what words came out of his mouth.

“I’d be even more torn if you—“

“Don’t go…” He grabbed her arm and pulled her closer to him.

“John—“

“Is this it?” He asked, to himself and to her. He wondered if this was all that would be left of them—awkward exchanges and unsaid thoughts.

“I don’t know…” She answered honestly, shaking her head.

John let out a sigh, “I don’t know what to say…” He felt like he was wasting time.

“You don’t have to say anything, you’ve always shown it.” She assured him, cupping the right side of his face with her hand. “You’ve shown me immeasurable love, patience, friendship, and loyalty… and I don’t think I’ve shown you enough or told you how much that means to me. So I’m telling you now, you mean so much to me. I hope you never question that or how grateful I am to have known you and to love you.”

“It’s a two-way street… we were a team. But you’re giving up on us—maybe I’m not enough for you…” He said, without a trace of bitterness but just regret and sadness.

“Don’t ever question if you ever enough for me. Truth is, I don’t think I was enough for you.” She admitted sheepishly shrugging her shoulder.

John looked at her in shock before trying to grab her hand. “Jamie—“

Jamison pulled out something from her back pocket and held it in her hand. “Movers aren’t coming for another few weeks to put my things in storage… if you ever just need to be alone and escape till then.” She put the set of keys into John’s hand while giving him a weak smile.

He stared the set of keys before looking at her. “Jamie—“

“You’ve changed my life— I don’t think I’ll ever be able to listen to music the same way again because of you or even just live my life the same way—I won’t be the same. I now get what all the books, movies, and songs were talking about. I understand now and now I can just look at the world with a different perspective and that’s all because of you.” She said sounding genuinely grateful as her eyes glazed over with tears.

John felt his heart swell and break simultaneously hearing Jamison’s words. He felt paralyzed and unable to speak due to the lump in his throat. How would he respond to that?

But she continued…

“You are changing the world, I don’t think you have any idea on what you are doing and what kind of person you are—the amount of love you have in your heart to give, the hope you give, and just how amazing you are. I hope one day, you see yourself the way I see you.” A few tears began falling from her face as she quickly began wiping them and recomposed herself.

“Jamison…” John said, looking at her wanting to hug her but he knew if he did, it would only make things harder for the both of them.

“I gotta get going…” She kissed his cheek before grabbing her suitcases. “Bye John.” She said giving him a final smile.

Jamison began walking towards the door without looking back at John who just stood there feeling completely paralyzed.

“I love you…” He uttered while wondering if she could hear the last words he said to her.


John stopped playing his guitar and stared mindlessly at nothing thinking about how as time went on he had only grown to despise Jamison more for holding him back without even trying to.

But he decided that was going to change.

---------

“Eric.” She said, in complete shock to see Eric standing a few feet in front of her holding his basket filled in various snacks.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“How have you been?” He asked cautiously, not knowing how he should react to the situation that was unfolding.

“It’s been an interesting few weeks…” She admitted staring at him in disbelief wondering if she was just dreaming a weird dream of sorts. “Life seems to have a weird sense of humor.”

Jake carted his way towards Jamison from behind Eric. “Jae, what’s taking you—“ He turned, surprised to see Eric standing beside him.

“Jake, you remember Eric right?” Jamison said, gesturing over to Eric while keeping her eyes on him.

“Yeah, sure… nice to see you again man.” Jake said, shaking Eric’s hand.

“Same.” Eric said, oddly feeling completely confused with how he was supposed to feel about the situation.

“It has been a weird time of coincidences for you Jae…” Jake said with a sheepish laugh.

“That it has.” She chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of her neck.

“So, how have you been Eric?” Jake asked, continuing the conversation without any hesitation or awkwardness.

“Good, I actually live in LA now.” Eric said, with a nod.

“Oh no way… we live in Santa Monica—we actually are having a game night this week with a couple of our friends. You should come… it’s actually just us drinking and play semi-drunk monopoly while yelling at each other. But it’s still a good time.” Jake offered with a laugh causing Jamison to look at him in a bit of shock and confusion.

“Uh sure…” Eric said, a bit taken aback by his offer.

“It’s this Thursday at our place. Jae give him your number and send him the details.” Jake gestured at Jamison to hand Eric her phone.

“Uh, yeah okay…” Jamison said, taking out her phone and handed it over to Eric who put in his contact info into it then handed it back to her with a sheepish smile.

“We’ll see you then. It was good seeing you man.” Jake said with a smile.

“You guys too.” Eric said, feeling like he was in some kind of weird dream as Jamison and Jake walked off.

“What was that about?” Jamison asked, as she stuck a bottle of wine into their cart as they walked towards the check out lanes.

Jake looked at her in a bit of confusion. “What?”

“Inviting Eric to game night?”

“You are going to mend some fences Jamison Song.” He simply said, “Even if I have to help you do that…” He began placing the items they were purchasing onto the self-checkout counter.

“Why?” She looked at him as he began ringing up their items.

“You need it, your heart needs it… you left a lot of things open ended and believe or not, you leaving left a bigger mark than you think. But more than anything, maybe this will be a way to have peace at heart.” Jake explained, as he paid for their groceries and put them into the cart.

Jamison smiled completely touched by his thoughtfulness but not surprised by his actions. “Thanks Jake…”

“Let’s go home. You can thank me by pouring me some Jameson into my cup.” He chuckled, pulling her into a side hug as they walked out of the store.

-----------

November 2015

A week ago Eric had been over at Jamison and Jake’s game night and it had been more so an interesting experience. Jamison and Jake had introduced Eric to their friends ranging from all walks of life who had welcomed Eric like he had already been part of the gang. It had been an evening filled with lots of laughs and catching up but somehow Eric had felt a bit guilty he had spent time with Jamison. Not knowing if he should tell John about his encounter and spending time with her he had texted Jared to tell him about what had happened. Much to Eric’s surprise Jared had mentioned they all (minus John) had caught up with Jamison recently as well as hadn’t told John. This had told Eric all he needed—to keep his mouth shut for the time being.

John had come up to visit Eric and Molly for the week to catch up with one of his best friends and attend an important work charity event. Eric and John were at Eric’s apartment, as John was getting ready to go meet Molly at her work event.

“So, how’s it going with you and Molly?” Eric asked, as he watched John put on his tie.

“Good… real good.” John said, smiling at his reflection in the mirror as he thought about Eric’s question.

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“Honestly, we’re different but it’s been going pretty well despite that.”

“In what way are you guys different?” Eric gave an inquisitive look as John turned around silently motioning to his tie to get an approval that it was done right.

“She’s more steady and 9 to 5 kind of person… and I’m… not.” John answered with a shrug. “It’s a bit different dating someone who is different as opposed to dating someone with similar interests and lifestyle. But it’s been good so far…”

“That’s good to hear dude…”

“Thanks.” John smiled, “What about you? What’s going on with you lately, anything interesting?”

“Not much…” Eric said, shifting his eyes a bit.

If only John knew…

Eric later dropped John off at the venue where the event was being held before heading out to his own plans he had. John walked into the large ballroom and weaved through the crowd to look for Molly who said she would be by the ice sculpture that was the logo of the company she worked at.

“Hey, you look amazing.” John said, giving her a kiss on the cheek and smiling.

Molly had been dressed in a long silk baby pink dress with her blonde hair in a perfect bun making her look like a princess of sorts.

“I must say John, you clean up pretty well.” Molly said, straightening his tie for him before giving him a pat on the shoulders.

“I try…” He chuckled sheepishly as she grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug.

“Thanks for coming, it means a lot to me.” She whispered into his ear.

“Of course.” He smiled, as he pulled back from her embrace. “Wouldn’t miss getting to spend some time with you, especially if you’re dressed like that.” He gave her a flirtatious wink causing her to blush.

“Thanks.”

“So, there’s a lot of people here—I think I saw Aaron Paul. I have to say you do work with some big names.” John looked at her with a smirk causing her to chuckle.

“Oh which reminds me, I want to introduce you to one of my clients I worked with—she’s great. I think you’d love her. She’s also a musician.” She said, as she grabbed his arm and pulled him through the crowd.

“Alright.”

They had walked over as Molly tapped the girl wearing a low back long sleeve gold sequin mini dress with black tights on the shoulder who seemed to be standing by herself.

“Hey Miss. Gold Record.” Molly said teasingly as she placed a hand on her shoulder.

The girl turned around and it was none other than Jamison Song.

“Hey Ms. Molly.” Jamison said, with a smile giving her a hug before Molly turned to John who stood there trying his best to hide his shock.

“Jae, I want to introduce you to my boyfriend. John, this is—“

“Jamison Song.” He blurted out as he continued to stare at her in complete shock.

Standing in front of John looking like some Hollywood star off the red carpet was none other than Jamison Song. Her hair had grown a bit since he had last seen her but other than that she had seemed exactly the same, minus the surprising outfit she was wearing.

“John…” Jamison said in surprised as she also tried to hide a look of shock upon her face.

“You two know each other?” Molly asked, gesturing at the two.

Jamison quickly wiped the look of surprise off her face and smiled. “I co-produced one of his albums a few years back.” She answered almost in a nonchalant manner; luckily Molly was none the wiser to the tension.

“Right. I didn’t even put that together.” Molly chuckled. “What a small world.”

“That it is…” Jamison mumbled as John just stood there still in complete shock.

“So, how long has it been since you’ve two seen each other?” Molly asked, looking over at John.

“Almost 2 years I guess…” He answered, his eyes still on Jamison whose eyes were trying to look anywhere else but at the two.

“You guys looked really shocked to see each other…” Molly said with a giggle.

“You can say that…” Jamison mumbled letting out a breathless chuckle.

Just then Jake had walked up to Jamison from behind John and Molly.

“Jae, I brought you a drink before we—” Jake said, handing a drink to Jamison and turned to face Molly and John. “John.” He said, completely surprised as his eyes widened at the sight in front of him.

“Jake.” John said, looking at the Jake then Jamison unsure what to make of the situation.

“Molly’s boyfriend.” Jamison said gesturing at John, her two words explaining the entire situation to Jake.

“Small world.” Jake chuckled, as he sipped his drink.

“We just said the same thing.” Molly said, with a smile still completely unfazed by the situation.

“As much as we liked to stay and catch up, we have to go up and do our thing…” Jake said, gesturing over to the stage as he looked at Jamison who had given him a look of gratitude.

“We should all catch up after or something.” Molly offered as everyone else in the conversation looked at one another awkwardly.

“Sure…” Jamison shook her head faking a smile.

“Come on Jae, let’s go.” Jake linked his arm with hers. “Duty calls.” He began dragging her off.

John and Molly turned towards the stage watching Molly’s boss Mr. Norman speak into the microphone.

“Thank you all for making it out tonight and your donations.” Mr. Norman said with a humble smile. “We’d like to welcome recording artist Jamison Song to the stage to play us a song.”

The audience began clapping as Jake and Jamison took a seat on the stools provided for them and began adjusting their microphones.

“So first off, thank you guys for having me here. It’s a real pleasure.” Jamison said with a smile, as Jake strapped on an acoustic guitar. “I have this weird love hate thing with explaining the stories behind my songs because I like giving people the backstory but at the same time, I don’t ever want to ruin their interpretation of it. I think that’s the wonderful thing about music, you can have your own meaning to it. But anyways, I’ll tell you guys a bit of a story behind the song I am going to be playing tonight. This was one of the first songs I had written by myself, no co-write… it’s one of the happier songs off the album and it was written about happier times and better days. It’s called, “You Get Me”.”

“1-2-3—4” Jake counted off, as he began playing the intro.

So I'm a little left of center
I'm a little out of tune
Some say I'm paranormal
So I just bend their spoon
Who wants to be ordinary
In a crazy, mixed-up world
I don't care what they're sayin'
As long as I'm your girl

Hey, you are on my side
And they, they just roll their eyes

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me

So what if I see the sunshine
In the pouring rain
Some people think I'm crazy
But you say it's okay
You've seen my secret garden
Where all of my flowers grow
In my imagination
Anything goes

I, I am all you want
They, they just read me wrong

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and hold my hand, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
Still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
'Cause you get me

Hey, you are on my side
They, they just roll their eyes
Yeah, yeah, yeah

'Cause you get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
When none of the pieces fit
You make sense of it
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still I want you all the time
Yeah, I do
'Cause you get me
Yeah, oh, yeah, oh

John intently watched and listened, his eyes focused on Jamison; he remembered when that song had been nothing but a chorus without any verses. That somehow felt like it happened a lifetime ago but he remembered it like it was yesterday.

November 2013

“I do need your opinion on something…” She said, taking a seat on the revolving chair that was in front of the computer and soundboard.

“Anything…” John said, as he plotted on the couch that was across from her.

“Tell me what you think of this track, it’s a rough demo and there’s only a chorus. But I want to hear what you think.”

“Come at me.” He said, with a chuckle.

Jamison turned on the computer and began searching through it for a moment before opening up a file and playing it for John. The music ran through the studio speakers and the minute John heard the song he realized it was Jamison singing.

You get me
When nobody understands
You come and take the chance, baby
You get me
You look inside my wild mind
Never knowing what you'll find
And still you want me all the time
Yeah, you do
Yeah, you get me

The vocals were layered over one another; it had an interesting string arrangement, and somehow gave an Americana vibe with contemporary undertones. It intrigued him, it made him want more, it for some reason tugged his heart strings in all the right ways. He instantaneously fell in love with it.

“Verdict?” She asked, as the small clipped she played for him was over.

“I love it…” John declared, “Is this a demo you’re working on with someone? Scratch vocals?” he asked, wondering who she was working with.

“This is mine, something all done by me…” She admitted letting out a sheepish chuckle. “And it was all inspired by you.”

The audience cheered as Jamison and Jake took a small bow.

“Thank you.” Jamison said, sheepishly into her microphone.

Jake and Jamison walked off the stage together and immediately he had noticed she was zoning out into her own world.

“You alright?” Jake asked, knowing exactly how she would answer.

Jamison chuckled, not knowing how else to react. “Yeah… just a bit thrown off.”

“You want to go home?” He asked, “I’m sure there’s a pint of ice cream with our names on it… along with some scotch.”

“Yeah… sounds perfect.” She nodded giving him a weak smile.

“Let’s say our goodbyes first since we’re polite people, most of the time.” He said with a chuckle as he took off his jacket and draped it over her shoulders.

The two walked back over to Molly and John. Molly had a look of happiness beaming from her face. Everyone had been silently grateful and burdened by her naivety with the whole situation.

“Hey, you did an amazing job… as always. I think that’s one of my favorites off the album.” Molly gushed as she grabbed Jamison’s hands and gave them a squeeze.

“Thanks.” Jamison chuckled sheepishly as she felt John’s eyes on her.

“We have to head back to our place cause of work tomorrow but thank you for tonight. We had fun.” Jake said, pretending to sound sad about ducking out early.

“Do you guys have to go? I thought it’d be fun if we all caught up and hung out…” Molly said, looking at the two with pleading eyes.

“We would but we’re getting old.” Jake said jokingly, as he pulled Jamison into his side.

“You are…” Jamison teased, looking at Jake then giving Molly an apologetic look.

“But thank you once again Ms. Jones.” Jake said, giving a small bow.

“You’re both very welcome. Get home safely.” Molly said, looking at the two happily then pulling John closer to her.

“It was good seeing you both…” Jamison said, giving the two a weak smile.

“Same.” Molly said, not even realizing John hadn’t stopped staring at Jamison.

“Bye.” John muttered, as he watched Jamison and Jake walk off into the crowd.