‹ Prequel: The Only Hope for Me Is You
Status: All done!
The Webs We Weave
Ten
Fuck fuck fuck! I messed up, I messed up so bad. I really was a stupid fucking kid! Goddamn it why did I have to be so stubborn!? Stubborn and stupid. Just make that my senior quote why don't you. Or maybe tattoo it on my forehead so everyone else can know, too.
I didn't want Angelo around. It was as simple as that, but I could never ask Chris to drop him for me. Not again. I knew he'd missed him that whole time. Chris was just scared of me in a way. Scared of my reactions to things. He had every reason to be. So it was best that I left right? No... it would have been best if I'd never bothered.
But I did, I bothered with it. I made this happen. It was my idea for the relationship in the first place and now, because of my own stupidity the sweetest boy in the world had a broken heart.
I loved Chris though. I really did. I wanted to fix things, but I didn't know how. I didn't even know where to even begin to try and make this better. I didn't even think it could be better. Sure Angelo said Chris would have picked me over him, but would he do that now that I picked myself over both of them?
I didn't think so. I was an asshole and I made quite a scene about it yesterday and this morning. Chris wasn't one for things like that and I may have sealed my fate on his shit list because of it. I had to at least tell him how I felt. I didn't want him to take me back. I wasn't ready for a relationship, I realized that. But maybe... maybe if I fixed shit, I'd have a shot once shit was sorted out. So it was settled. I had a trip to make.
--
I stared at Chris's front door and took a deep breath. I knocked once and then the door swung open to reveal a very pissed off looking Chris.
"I don't want your girl scout cookies." he said, going to close the door right in my face. I placed my foot on the door.
"Not to be rude, but hush. Let me talk and then I'm leaving. I don't want you to take me back by the way, that's not why I'm here, at least not yet. I came to let you know that me loving you is no bullshit. I just... I didn't want Angelo around and he didn't want me around. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I'm a fucking idiot and a stupid kid. There's nothing I'm going to say to you to make you forgive me, but I'm not asking for that either. I just really need you to know that I do love you... so much Chris, but I'm not old enough to do this. I'm sorry I waltzed into your life and busted shit up. You're the sweetest boy in the world and I broke your heart. Don't get used to me being gone though. I'll get my shit together one day and like I said, I'll never forget what you did. I'll see you again one day Chris."
"Broke?" He laughed without an ounce of humor. "More like completely ripped it out." I could feel the anger in his words, the anger and the pain behind it. "I don't want your ping pong bullshit though, Ricky. Yesterday you walked away from me, this morning you officially told me we were through, and now you're on my doorstep trying to cover up your fuck ups and telling me not to "get used to you being gone". I won't put up with that shit."
"You want to know why I left? Do you really want to know?"
"Because you're an idiot who won't look at the big picture." He replied. "The big picture being the fact that I have known Angelo since I was thirteen years old. And I haven't even known you a year. So your stupid "you love him more" shit is fucking irrelevant. Let me pair you with someone for years on end and then see how you feel about someone you met seven months ago. It doesn't compare and it didn't even matter. Angelo was going to leave. He was going to let us have each other, and he was going to sacrifice his own happiness so you could have yours."
"You missed the fuck out of him the first time. That's why I proposed the stupid idea in the first place. You'll hurt if he's gone too. Either way you get hurt. You'd miss him and it'd be in your eyes every day. And like you said, you've known him for years. Who the fuck am I?"
"Who the fuck are you? Really? You're going to ask that?" The look on his face was one of a man who was completely and totally done with everything. "If you have to ask that, this conversation is over." He used his toe to push my foot from his door and closed it right on me.
"Chris!" I pounded on the door again. "Dammit! Open up!"
I didn't want Angelo around. It was as simple as that, but I could never ask Chris to drop him for me. Not again. I knew he'd missed him that whole time. Chris was just scared of me in a way. Scared of my reactions to things. He had every reason to be. So it was best that I left right? No... it would have been best if I'd never bothered.
But I did, I bothered with it. I made this happen. It was my idea for the relationship in the first place and now, because of my own stupidity the sweetest boy in the world had a broken heart.
I loved Chris though. I really did. I wanted to fix things, but I didn't know how. I didn't even know where to even begin to try and make this better. I didn't even think it could be better. Sure Angelo said Chris would have picked me over him, but would he do that now that I picked myself over both of them?
I didn't think so. I was an asshole and I made quite a scene about it yesterday and this morning. Chris wasn't one for things like that and I may have sealed my fate on his shit list because of it. I had to at least tell him how I felt. I didn't want him to take me back. I wasn't ready for a relationship, I realized that. But maybe... maybe if I fixed shit, I'd have a shot once shit was sorted out. So it was settled. I had a trip to make.
--
I stared at Chris's front door and took a deep breath. I knocked once and then the door swung open to reveal a very pissed off looking Chris.
"I don't want your girl scout cookies." he said, going to close the door right in my face. I placed my foot on the door.
"Not to be rude, but hush. Let me talk and then I'm leaving. I don't want you to take me back by the way, that's not why I'm here, at least not yet. I came to let you know that me loving you is no bullshit. I just... I didn't want Angelo around and he didn't want me around. I fucked up. I fucked up bad. I'm a fucking idiot and a stupid kid. There's nothing I'm going to say to you to make you forgive me, but I'm not asking for that either. I just really need you to know that I do love you... so much Chris, but I'm not old enough to do this. I'm sorry I waltzed into your life and busted shit up. You're the sweetest boy in the world and I broke your heart. Don't get used to me being gone though. I'll get my shit together one day and like I said, I'll never forget what you did. I'll see you again one day Chris."
"Broke?" He laughed without an ounce of humor. "More like completely ripped it out." I could feel the anger in his words, the anger and the pain behind it. "I don't want your ping pong bullshit though, Ricky. Yesterday you walked away from me, this morning you officially told me we were through, and now you're on my doorstep trying to cover up your fuck ups and telling me not to "get used to you being gone". I won't put up with that shit."
"You want to know why I left? Do you really want to know?"
"Because you're an idiot who won't look at the big picture." He replied. "The big picture being the fact that I have known Angelo since I was thirteen years old. And I haven't even known you a year. So your stupid "you love him more" shit is fucking irrelevant. Let me pair you with someone for years on end and then see how you feel about someone you met seven months ago. It doesn't compare and it didn't even matter. Angelo was going to leave. He was going to let us have each other, and he was going to sacrifice his own happiness so you could have yours."
"You missed the fuck out of him the first time. That's why I proposed the stupid idea in the first place. You'll hurt if he's gone too. Either way you get hurt. You'd miss him and it'd be in your eyes every day. And like you said, you've known him for years. Who the fuck am I?"
"Who the fuck are you? Really? You're going to ask that?" The look on his face was one of a man who was completely and totally done with everything. "If you have to ask that, this conversation is over." He used his toe to push my foot from his door and closed it right on me.
"Chris!" I pounded on the door again. "Dammit! Open up!"