The Webs We Weave

I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw Ricky. If he would have hurt himself... I didn't know what I would have done. I wasn't going to be pissed off forever. I still loved the kid to death.

He walked up to me looking like he was grumbling to himself and I asked what that was for. He said Angelo threatened to kick his ass if he didn't come up here to see me. "So... You didn't want to come tell me you were okay?" I asked.

"Its not that. And I didn't know you'd think I hurt myself. The whole fear of pain thing. I could never hurt myself. I'm sorry I worried you Chris. He's being a butt anyway. A total mom. Making me go to class and junk. And he didn't have to threaten me. As soon as he said you were worried I wanted to come."

I wanted to hug him to me and tell him that everything was okay, but I couldn't break so easily. "Don't scare me like that anymore." All I wanted to do at this point was forgive Ricky and be with him again. He knew what he did wrong. He didn't want me to take him back right now though. He wanted me to wait.

Angelo walked up a second later. "He trying to convince you to let him go home?" he asked.

"What? No." I was a little confused by that, why would he try to convince me to let him go home? Why would he even feel like he had to go back home.

"Really, because the second he got out of my car he said he was going to go."

I looked at Ricky, shocked. "You just lied to me."

"No I didn't. I wanted to come because you were worried, I figured you'd be okay once you saw me and saw I was okay. I don't want to be here today. I don't want to go to class. I've had a lot on my mind about what I've done. I'm trying to sort things out. I'm sorry I worried you I really am, but I'm not going to hurt myself. I thought you'd know that so when I stayed home I didn't think you'd get scared. I'd thought you'd take it how it was, me needing time to think."

"You know I could stay home on my ass and do nothing, too." I replied. "But I have responsibilities. Like graduating and getting my high school diploma so I can make something of myself. But if you want to sit home in a self made pity party thinking over things that are your own fault, go right ahead. Just think about them instead of working on changing them. That got you far in the past, right?" And with that I turned around and walked into the school building feeling utterly annoyed.

I could be a fucking wimp and sit home in a ball of self loathing all day to, but unlike him I knew what was wrong and I knew how to change it. My only problem was the change needed to be with him. "Chris! We're talking right now!" It was Ricky hollering after me.

"No, we're not. I'm going to class."

He grabbed my wrist and drug me into one of the janitor's closets. "How am I supposed to change them if we're not together? How am I supposed to try when you get pissed off and walk away from me every five seconds? You want me to try and I don't even have a chance to! Fuck all that shit about me not wanting you to take me back. I want you to and I want to try. That's not up to me though. It was at one point but I fucked that up. You need to know that I love you Christopher and I do want you back." After he was finished, he left. He just walked right out of the closet and to his classroom.

I was no less annoyed with him than before he dragged me into a janitor's closet. But now I was pissed off again, too. I'm going to have to tie him to a chair and explain this shit to him letter by letter because he didn't seem smart enough to fucking comprehend that him changing himself has absolutely nothing to do with whether we are together or not.