The Webs We Weave

"You get to be the one to explain to Chris why he can no longer have me around."

I felt so many hidden meanings behind that one sentence. I was to be blamed for Angelo leaving. Chris would be overly upset without Angelo around, and he'd blame me. But I also felt that Angelo was implying that Chris would hurt because he likes Angelo more than he likes me.

Maybe that was true though. Like Angelo said... I was just a stupid kid. I didn't know anything, I was naive and dumb and they were older and more mature than I could ever be at this age. No matter what happened to me in the past.

Angelo was right, and I was going to ruin everything. The one person I truly loved was going to be ripped away from me because I was too stupid to be a normal, functioning human.

"I'm sorry." I said softly. I didn't want Angelo to hate me, and I didn't want Chris to be upset because he left us. And I didn't want Chris to leave me if he found out Angelo left because of me. "I'll try to be better."

"Just stop thinking that Chris is going to leave you because of stupid shit." he replied. "If you think he's going to leave you over some sexual thing or lack of a sexual thing then you are an idiot who knows nothing about Chris. I mean, what the fuck did you guys do before you had sex? Think of that and do it. Sex isn't the only part of a relationship, and I know you may be excited over actually having consensual sex and shit, but stop acting like that the only thing to live for. Because Chris deserves better than to be in bed all day."

He walked out after that, but his words stung to my core. Chris did deserve better than what I was giving him, or not giving him apparently. I couldn't expect him to keep me sexually happy forever. He would get sick of it soon, too. I bet he already was, he's just too nice to say anything to me. He doesn't want me to freak out on him.

Oh great... Now he is changing his actions and affecting his own life and comfortability because he doesn't want me to be upset. That's so fucked up. I shouldn't be that damn selfish. My needs are not the most important things in this relationship, Angelo and Chris have needs and I have been a selfish dick and just pleasing myself and working for my own, possibly imagined, needs.

Angelo was right. I needed to change and clean up my shit. If I wanted to keep a relationship with older guys, then I would have to stop acting like I was fourteen. I wouldn't get anywhere with acting like I was a dumb kid.

So I got up and headed out to the porch to meet up with Chris and Angelo to go out, but when I found them making out on the swing my heart sank. I wasn't used to us doing separate things with each other and I guess it made me feel a little empty to not be included.

I waited a second or two to see if they would pull apart on their own and I was relieved when they did. "Just give him a little bit, Angie." Chris said in a soft tone, brushing some of Angelo's long hair behind his ear. "He really does like you, and he is still young. He's learning and exploring his newly found sexuality. You have to give him time." At least Chris was still defending me like he used to.

"Fine." Angelo said. "But if he doesn't start acting normal in the next month, I'm sorry but I am going to leave."