The Webs We Weave

Angelo defended Ricky against one of his own friends on the football team, but still Ricky was acting like a dick. I didn't like it at all, it hurt more. And just when I thought it might be over Angelo snarled at Ricky to look at me and tell me it was over, told him to tell me he didn't give a fuck about anything I ever did for him.

He nearly refused but Angelo pressed on. Trying to make him say what we both know he never would. "You know... you know I can't. But what do you want me to fucking do!? I can't deal with this shit! You care about each other so fucking much, I'll always feel out of place and unwanted!"

"Oh so you can fucking walk off like a pissy bitch and tell us to leave you alone but you can't look at me and tell me it's fucking over? You can't be a real man about this?!" I yelled at him. My face getting hot with anger and the tears that were forming in my eyes. "You can make bullshit claims about me and a man I have known for YEARS but you can't grow some balls and tell me to my face that you don't want me anymore?"

"Because it's not that I don't fucking want you Chris! I love you goddamn it, but I can't get in the way of what you both have! You're happy. Keep being happy. I was no good for you Chris. I... have too many things to sort through. I am so grateful for everything you've done for me and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. I have to do this though... we're through Chris. I wish you two nothing but the best." he walked up to me and stood on his tiptoes, placing a kiss on my cheek. "I'll never forget what you've done for me Chris. Thank you for everything."

I tried my hardest to keep my emotions under control when I looked down at Ricky again. I was upset, and sad, and pissed off all at once. I just felt like I was going explode. "This was your idea, Ricky." I stated, my voice surprisingly even toned. "And you trying to play victim is bullshit. Your claim at having shit to sort through is bullshit and you fucking know it. But if you're going to cling to bullshit fucking excuses to get away from me fine, fuck you, too." I wiped my cheek off, symbolically showing him I don't want his fucking kiss on my cheek, and I walked off not giving a fuck if either of them had anything else to say to me.

I was done with that shit, if Ricky wanted to be a little bitch about all of this then fine. He can have his six year old temper tantrum and I could have a real man who wasn't afraid to say what he felt and wasn't stubborn enough to ignore half the story.

I didn't talk to or pay attention to anyone else for the rest of the day. I even blew off Angelo and skipped out of school twenty minutes after our last period started. I just wanted to get home and lock myself in my room. I needed a peaceful environment to deal with my emotions, I couldn't deal with the shit that happened the past two days.

Did Ricky really fucking think he was making life easier for us by being a dick like this? Did he think I would forgive him so easily because he'll "never forget" what I did for him? That is the biggest line of bullshit I have ever fucking heard in my entire life. He was just pissed off because I have a stronger bond with Angelo and no fucking shit I do. I have known Angelo since eighth fucking grade. I haven't even known Ricky eight months!

To release all my pent up anger I put my pillows over my face and just screamed as loudly as I could into them. I did that three or four times before I actually started to feel better. It was helping release my emotions and calm me down all at once. After screaming my heart out I just layed back and decided to take a nap to further calm myself down. Just shut myself off to the world and pull back into the wonderful world of unconsciousness.