So Long

The corridors were crowded, not a space left vacant. Slurs being thrown around carelessly, as if no one was listening, as if no one would care.
Usually being short sucked, but in this case… it still sucked. Weaving his way through the legs and torsos, Frank was crushed. No one paid him much attention, in any other circumstance he was grateful for that fact, but during class transition his ribs took too much of a beating.
Finally the crowds dispersed into their proper classes and Frank could see properly. He quickly made his way into the washroom in the far corner of the school, no one really went down there as it was very out of the way. He listened for the door to click shut, and once it did he threw his bag down on the floor. It was third period, which meant one thing and one thing only—Biology.
“The definition of Biology class is ‘I ain’t going to that.’” Frank mumbled to himself. He leaned on the sink and looked at himself. Frank wasn’t a bad kid, he didn’t like skipping class. Biology was the worst thing in the world for Frank. Biology was the class he didn’t understand and didn’t care enough to learn. That was also the hour and a half he had to spend looking away from the kid with the bright red hair.
The kid with the fire-engine-red hair would spend all class either glaring at Frank or avoiding him the best he could. Either way it hurt him. Frank had never done anything to him, he didn’t even know his name! He supposed it didn’t matter, he couldn’t impress everyone, he just found himself wishing he could impress the red haired man in his biology class.
He heard footsteps from down the hall. He quickly grabbed his bag and ran into the farthest stall, sitting on top of the toilet so they would not see him. The door clicked shut and the heavy stomping continued throughout the room, booming and echoing, making Frank cringe each time. He watched the feet go up and down the room checking for any people that may be hidden behind the doors. When the man was satisfied that he was alone he walked to the sinks.
He watched as he splashed water on his face, and looked up at himself in the mirror. He glared at the mirror with so much hatred he was almost surprised that the mirror didn’t melt. He began to whisper to himself, things that made Frank feel guilty.
“What have you done?” He spat. “Gerard, what have you done. Gerard, look at what you did.” Frank was confused, he’d never heard that name before. “Where did he go? Why does he always leave? It’s your fault you know, it’s always your fault.”
Frank knew he was taking a chance with what he was doing, but he could not just sit and hide when someone needed help. He slowly opened the door to the stall he was hiding in, to go to the very person he was hiding from. He froze immediately. He saw bright red hair. His name was Gerard. A beautiful name for a beautiful person. Frank shook his head to get rid of the thoughts, unfortunately this made him dizzy. Frank stumbled back, making a small noise. Faster than light Gerard was turned to Frank with wide, tear soaked, eyeliner coated eyed.
“Y-you… but I checked… and… you- you weren’t there.” Gerard stumbled, frightened, backing into the sink as if he desperately craved to fall through the wall and get away from Frank. Though Frank wasn’t all that hurt this time, no one wants to be caught in their most vulnerable state.
“Gerard…” Frank said as if testing it, needing to taste how the name felt on his lips.
“F-Frank…” Gerard tried to say, but came out as a whispered sob. “Please, I- you can’t…” He broke off and Frank waited patiently for him to continue. It soon became apparent that he wasn’t going to.
“Why, um, why aren’t you in class?” Frank asked at a lack of anything else to say, his brain stopped functioning the moment someone needs it to.
“I could say the same to you.” Gerard looked up at Frank with such an intensified look of hurt in his eyes, accusing Frank, “You never go.”
With that Frank watched Gerard pick up his bag and storm out of the washroom.
“Gerard…” Frank said it again.

The next day Frank waited at the front doors of the school. In the mornings the students would normally wait an hour, waiting for all the students to show up, but he waited for a man who was the most artistically beautiful person he’d ever seen. As the minutes ticked by the busier the foyer of the school was. Frank was becoming antsy waiting for so long. Finally fifteen minutes until the first class started the door swung open and in a large gust of hipster and punk rock, came Gerard.
As if someone had announced his arrival, the whole foyer went silent and looked over at him. He looked around confused as people started turning to each other and whispering. Out of nowhere a kid screamed out,
“How’s mommy and daddy?!”
I watched as Gerard looked down with a red face and sped off embarrassed. Frank quickly ran off after his as the whole foyer erupted into laughter. Frank wanted to know what that meant. Mommy? Daddy? What was wrong with his parents?
By the time he caught up to Gerard he was out of breath, he grabbed Gerard by the arm and pulled him back. Gerard turned around to look at him, with teary eyes and said, “Go away, Frank.” He turned around and ripped himself free of Frank. He kept looking at Frank, being forced to make eye contact.
“Gerard, please.” Frank begged him not to go. Frank needed him to assure him he was okay, he couldn’t let him walk away knowing he was hurting again. Gerard kept looking at him, unsure of what to say.
“Frank, let me leave.” Gerard pressured. Frank solemnly shook his head. Gerard sighed exasperated, glancing around quickly checking for people, before looking back to Frank. Frank being a full seven inches shorter than Gerard making him have to lean far down to press a quick kiss onto his lips. “Goodbye, Frank.” Frank would protest but he was stunned into silence, unable to control his own body.

I wrote it like a story, to separate myself from the emotional devastation I felt whenever I thought of him. He was the first person I would ever love. He was my first, my first kiss, first best friend, first boyfriend. I’d see him one more time, but not alive. That night he had gone home and swallowed far too many pills. He was sad, after all.
Tears fell over my waterline as I looked over myself in the mirror. I was wearing a white suit. I knew that he would never want me to be the same as everyone else, that’s just who he was.
My counselor wants me to tell her the story of him. I told her how we met, how the best and worst thing started in my life. I told her of the hollow smiles, of the deep thoughts, of the scars, how I never did anything when I knew I should have.
“You look handsome,” my mother stood in the doorway to my room. “He would have thought so too.”
“You never liked him. You aren’t allowed to talk about him.” I snapped as I choked on a sob.
“No, Frank. I didn’t. I didn’t think he was good for you. But you know what else Frank? I was wrong, he was a wonderful and beautiful and an artistic soul. He made you so happy and I love him for that.” She got weaker with each word. I looked at her through the mirror as I sobbed.

He was so perfect in his casket, as always was. He was always beautiful. I know when he sits in Heaven as God’s number one angel he will always be beautiful. I watched my tears fall down and land on his cheek.
“Goodbye, G. I’ll be waiting. I love you.”
It rained as we watched the coffin be lowered into the ground. We cried as the hole that now stored the most beautiful creature I ever laid my eyes upon was filled with dirt. We held each other as people told about how he was amazing. I stayed silent as people told me how sorry they were. I shook as everyone flitted by me to go to their cars and go home.
The funeral progression was over, nobody cared anymore.

The rain made the clothes stick to my body, but I didn’t mind. I knew Heaven was crying for us, for this loss. I smiled down at his grave, a weak, sad smile.
“I’m not mad you left me. I know no one is there in Heaven slurring at you. You’re safe, and I’ll be waiting.” I sobbed softly as I watched his grave. The wind howled in that moment and I felt close to him, one last time.
“I love you, G. So long and goodnight.”
With that I turned and left the graveyard.