Stay

"I'm not messing around. We're done," Ashton spoke, his voice harsh – face void of any emotion.

"But – " Sarah's voice cracked. "– I don't... Wh – What did I do?"

"You know damn well what you did," Ashton spat, letting out a mirthless laugh. "What – you think I wouldn't find out about the bloke you were sneaking around with?!"

"What bloke?!" She asked, her tone distraught, her face a mask of confusion as she threw her hands up in the air slightly in exasperation.

Ashton only let out another cruel laugh – his laugh lines and normal joyful face completely expressionless, save for the mirthless grin along his lips. "You know damn well, Sarah." He practically hissed, staring her down. "The fans caught you. The fans. Do you know how it felt – having your fucking fans be the one telling you that your fucking girlfriend is cheating on you?! It's bloody humiliating, that's what it is!"

"I didn't – " she started to deny, shaking her head furiously with wide-eyes, but Ashton interrupted her with another humourless laugh.

Sarah had always adored his laugh, because it was so infectious. Everyday, she hoped that she would never have to see a day in which he forced his adorable giggles, or sprout of laughter when nothing was funny and all he was feeling was pain, pain, pain. But there he was, right in front of her, laughing the most cruel, and humourless laughter that she'd ever heard come out from anyone else's mouth.

"Don't even bother." He spat venomously. "Get out of my house."

She gulped, shutting her eyes. She took a deep breath in and then she opened her eyes again – still teary eyed, but with no tears running free. She looked at him one last time, and his face hadn't changed. He was still emotionless. Blank. She nodded once.

"Fine." She gave another single nod, her voice shaky. "But I'm not leaving till I tell you that I didn't cheat on you. I would never cheat on someone – and you're no bloody exception just because you're on a world tour. The bloke that your fans thought I was cheating on you with? He's a family friend I've known since I was born. You know – the same family friend I told you was coming round for a visit? That family friend who also happens to not swing my way," she said simply, a broken smile spreading onto her lips as Ashton's hard expression began to soften.

Sarah choked out a laugh, also completely void of any joy. "You believed people you've never met or spoken to before over someone you've been with for more than a year. That says a lot about you, Ash." She said softly, shaking her head slightly – almost in disappointment. She took another deep breath in, her right hand going to her left one – pulling off the ring on her ring finger.

It wasn't an engagement ring, because even they knew that they weren't ready for that. It was a promise ring, in the shape of a knot. He'd said that it symbolised that the knot wasn't tied yet, but he sure as hell had the intentions to tying it some day. Sarah slid the ring off, placing it gently down on the table by the lounge, taking in another deep breath, a lone tear dripping out of the corner of her eyes.

"Thanks for a hell of a ride, Ash. It was good while it lasted."

And then she was out the door, and out of his life. And Ashton swore that he heard his heart break into a million tiny fragments.

Ashton had to go back on tour, three days after she walked out of his life. That night, after he'd gotten to his senses and realised that he was being dumb and insecure and just plain idiotic, he went after her. He drove to where she lived – her parents' house – and he knocked on the door, but no one answered. He knew her parents weren't home, so there would only be her, thus why he had no problem banging on the wooden door.

She didn't open it, and even after he yelled his apologies, begging for her to talk to him, there was still no response. Ashton came round the next day, too, but he went straight for her bedroom window – climbing the tree skilfully – only to have his heart break even further as he realised that her drawers were pulled open, her chargers were pulled out of their sockets, her laptop wasn't on her bed and everything that he knew never left her room or their assigned place, were gone. That could only mean one thing. She was gone.

He knew he'd made a massive mistake by saying what he'd said, and by not properly trusting her and fighting for her. He knew, because he knew what she was like. Sarah was one of those people who would take ages to trust you completely, and when they did – they were literally the most comfortable around you and could talk to you about anything. It took him months to break down the walls she'd built around herself, even though they were already officially together.

Ashton also knew that Sarah was one of those people who would gladly hold open the door for you if you wanted to walk out of her life. She did just that. She held the door open for him, letting him walk out of her life – even though she was the one to walk out his physical door. He knew that if he were to ever get even a glimpse of a second chance, he'd have twice as many walls to break down than he did before.

But if it meant that he would still be able to hold her in his arms, tell her that he loves her, kiss her, treasure her, spend the rest of what he hoped would be forever with her – he would do it. He would break wall after wall after wall. And if there were more, he'd break them down too, because she meant too much to him for him to be able to lose her.

He had the ring that she'd gave him back always with him. It was slid onto a simple silver chain, and it was safely tucked under his shirt most of the time. He knew that he'd get her back one day, and when he did – he would make sure that the promise ring turned into an engagement ring, and then into a wedding one which would match the one he, too, would have. He wasn't going to give her up.

The Take Me Home tour had brought them back to Sydney, and after three weeks, he was back in his hometown. She was supposed to have come to one of the shows, but things had obviously changed.

"Hey, mate," Harry called, snapping him out of his reverie.

"Yeah?" Ashton glanced up, painting on a grin on his face – as he always did ever since that night. Everyone else bought it. The only people who knew he was hurting were his bandmates, but that was only because the moment they got back onto their tour bus, he barely spoke or ate or did anything – apart from curl up in his bunk with the biggest can of Guinness that he could get his hands on.

"Gem and I are heading out for a coffee. Wanna come with?" The other boy grinned back at him, dimples forming indentions on his cheeks.

Gemma Styles. Ashton knew that she had a crush on him, and Ashton would have had to be blind to say that she wasn't pretty. She was pretty, intelligent, kind, funny, and probably many other wonderful qualities that any bloke would be lucky to have in a girlfriend.

But she was no Sarah.

She didn't have brown eyes that sparkled when she smiled. She didn't have naturally blonde hair that was always as smooth as silk. She didn't have the laugh that would instantly make Ashton feel like he was on cloud nine – even if he'd been having an absolute shit day. She couldn't make Ashton's heart skip a beat whenever he saw her. She just... wasn't Sarah.

Sarah made him feel like a walking paradox, sometimes. He hated that smell of cigarette smoke and the fact that she smoked, but he loved the way she'd blow out the smoke in the form of rings and the way she looked so calm with every drag she took. He hated the way she couldn't usually concentrate on one thing for a prolonged period of time because of her A.D.D., but he loved the way she was always so full of energy. Ashton hated a lot of things about Sarah, he wasn't even going to lie. But for every little thing that he hated, there were ten more big things that made him fall deeper and deeper in love with her.

"Sure," Ashton finally spoke, sighing softly,;seeing as there was really no harm in doing so.

Harry beamed, beckoning for Ashton to hurry out the dressing room door. Then he, Gemma and Ashton were on their way out the back entrance, head ducked down so as to not attract fans, and when they were sure that they were in the clear – they were chatting happily while walking towards a Starbucks that Harry had passed by earlier whilst in the taxi. Also, by 'chatting happily', it really meant that Ashton painted a smile onto his face while the Styles siblings buzzed excitedly about being in Sydney, and how Ashton should show them around.

Gemma playfully flirted with Ashton whilst they were in the Starbucks, and Harry pulled faces when he realised it, but Ashton merely forced out light-hearted laughter, casually brushing her off. He didn't want to led her on, but he didn't want to hurt her feelings. Bit ironic, since the only reason why she could flirt with him while he was 'single' was because he'd been dumb and hurt the person he held most dear's feelings.

They – the siblings; since all Ashton really fancied was a beer – got their drinks, and Ashton decided that, hey, maybe he could bring them to one of the local vintage shop things, since he knew that both of them had a knack for vintage jewellery and knick-knacks. Harry had walked out first, and he held the door open for his sister and Ashton, like a proper gentlemen.

Then Ashton stopped dead in his tracks – his eyes fixated on one thing, and one thing only.

She looked like a mess, but she was a beautiful mess. Her long, blonde hair was still blonde, still long, and pulled up into a messy high ponytail, like she couldn't be arsed to do anything proper with it, which was probably true. She had no make up on, he could tell, because he'd seen her with and without make up plenty of times before. He knew the difference. Her usually bright eyes, full of life, were sad. Dull.

And it hurt him to know that he was the cause of that.

Harry and Gemma had seemingly not noticed their mate staring at her, and were still talking idly about where Ashton had said he would bring them, and where they'd actually like to go to in Sydney, since they were already out of the arena and they had a local with them. Sarah took in a breath, blinking once before her tongue darted out – running across the length of her top and bottom lip – as she shook her head and continued on her way.

"Please," Ashton spoke, his voice cracking as he reached a hand out to grab at her wrist, only to miss it by a few centimetres. Harry and Gemma turned to him, confused, but he stood his ground as he stared straight at the back of her head. He knew she heard him. She'd stopped walking suddenly, of course she'd heard him. "Please don't leave me. Not again."

Sarah shook her head, making a move to glance back – to look at him – but seemingly deciding against it as she faced the front again, visibly taking in a deep breath before she started to walk again.

"I love you!" He practically screamed, earning curious looks from passer-bys and effectively startling his two mates that were with him. She froze again, and Ashton took in a determined breathe as his eyes fired up, walking towards her still figure. "I love you, Sarah. I still fucking love you, so much. I never stopped loving you. Breaking up with you was the worst decision I've ever made in my entire life. I would give anything to rewind time, to undo it. I haven't slept well, I haven't eaten properly, I haven't done anything normally except for drink and drink and drink – wishing every goddamn day that I never did what I did."

Ashton took in another deep breath, his voice lowering to a quiet tone, so that no one else apart from her would be able to hear him talk. He walked around her so that he was stood in front of her now. He sucked in a deep breath as he took in her stained glass eyes. God, even while teary eyed, she was still so beautiful.

"I thought I was doing what was best for you, even if it meant me having to break your heart." He spoke softly, his own eyes starting to tear up. "And I hate myself for doing that. I believed the fucking fans when they told me that you were cheating on me. I believed them because I knew... – I knew that you deserved someone better than me, so much better than me. I admit: I was wrong, about everything. I just," he sighed softly, a lone and traitorous tear slipping out of the corner of his eye. "Please. I need you. I love you. Please, just take me back. I can't even – can't even think about my happiest memories anymore to distract me from you, because all of those memories include you. I'm not strong enough for the both of us, what was I supposed to do?" He whispered, using his hand to tilt her chin up from where she'd ducked her head down, staring at her shoes like they were the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.

"You know I love you," Ashton breathed, daring to take a step closer to her. "Take me back. Please. Take me back."

She started to shake her head again, screwing her beautiful, beautiful eyes shut. Sarah took a step back, away from Ashton. "I – I can't." She said softly, so softly; but he heard it and it did nothing less than break his heart even more.

"Why not?" He demanded. He had to know. He had to know if he could salvage what he'd left. Sarah was the best thing that had ever happened to him, he wasn't about to let her walk away again. He'd spend the rest of forever making it up to her – proving to her that he was head over heels in love with her, and he probably always would be. He wouldn't just give up. He couldn't.

"I can't," she repeated, shaking her head.

"Please," his voice cracked.

"Ashton..."

"Please," he repeated, his tone taking on a plead; another tear racing down his cheek to eventually hit the solid ground they were stood on. "Please... Stay. Don't leave. Not again. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Just, please. Stay. Don't walk away."

"You were the one who made me walk away, Ashton," Sarah spoke softly, her eyes still glassy.

"Don't call me that," he breathed, his voice still so shaky. "Call me Ash. Like you always do." He practically begged as he took a step towards her again, "I regret that day more than anything I've ever regretted in my entire life. God dammit, Sarah, I'm in love with you, and I will always be in love with you, and I can't do this without you."

"Do what?" She asked softly, a sad smile spreading across her lips. "You're doing fine without me. You don't need me."

Sarah had started to move, maybe walking away from him, forever. He couldn't have that, so he stopped her by placing his large hands on either side of her face. "I can't do anything without you. I'm not fine at all, and I need you more than you could ever imagine." He spoke, his voice a breath's higher than a whisper.

She opened her mouth to say something, but Ashton couldn't take it any longer. He leaned forward, desperately slotting his lips in between her own, kissing her like he was a man drowning at sea and the only thing that could keep him afloat was the girl before him; the one he was clinging onto so tightly because he thought she might disappear if he let her go. He pulled back when he needed to take a breath, a thumb still drawing circles on her soft, soft skin.

"Please..." his voice cracked on the single word, tone tinged with utmost desperation, as he leaned his forehead onto hers. "Stay."