I'm Scared and I'm Sorry

“I think it’s time to tell everyone, Jack.”

Those 7 words scared the hell out of Jack. He never thought about coming out to his friends, family, and teachers. Why would he want to in the first place? He was scared of the judgement. All the hate they would receive over being gay.

“I’m being serious, Jack. Don’t try to ignore me. Look at me,” Alex’s voice was serious and strong. Jack was closing in, looking down at his lap with wide eyes. He wasn’t only scared. He was embarrassed. Not because of Alex, but because he felt this way about another boy.

Jack takes a deep breath and finally looks up to meet Alex’s eyes, “Alex,” he mumbles, exasperated. Alex frowns and gets up from his position on his closet boyfriend’s carpet.

“Alex what?” He says with a harsh voice, causing Jack to flinch away a little bit at his tone, “Please tell me what, Jack. Tell me why we can’t come out to everyone. We know how strong our school is about bullying and accepting. Why are you so god damn scared?”

Once again, the younger boy was quiet about everything. He was frozen on the spot with absolutely no words to say to his boyfriend.

“You’re just going to sit there and say nothing?” Alex asks, letting out a heavy sigh after a minute of silence, “Whatever, Jack. I’m sick of this, you can call me whenever you’re ready to stop being a baby.”

And with that, Alex pulled his coat on, slipped on his shoes, and left with a loud slam of the door behind him. Jack rubs his eyes awkwardly, not knowing what to do. He felt so god damn pathetic.

-

“Call me back, Jack. I’m sorry for acting up on you. I shouldn’t force you into anything that you don’t want to do. Relationships are all about communicating and working things out. I didn’t handle it well, and now I’m worried that you’re going to do something and, just… Please call me, Jack.”

Jack rubs his red eyes after listening to the message, taking a deep breath as he picked up the phone and pressed Alex’s name.

After a few rings, he answered, “Jack! Baby, I’m so sorry,”

“It’s okay,” Jack says with his quiet, shy sounding voice.

“It’s really not. I’m sorry about what I called you… We shouldn’t be building this relationship on pressure and disagreements. That’s my fault, really. I really want to come over and just hug you and apologize in person...”

“Alex, stop. It’s alright. I forgive you. It was only once. We’ve been in this relationship for 5 months. I can tell why you’re getting upset about me being so scared. I’m sorry about that. I’m scared and I don’t even know why.. Everyone’s so understanding and sweet about our sexual preferences, but I can’t convince myself of that,” Jack says, voice feeling and sounding more confident.

“It’s alright, Jack. Listen, I love you, so it’s alright. Nothing can change unless we both agree with it,” Alex tells his boyfriend quietly. The line goes silent.

“Can you come over?” Jack asks Alex, confidence drained from his voice. It’s 8:00 PM and both of Jack’s parents are asleep, but he just doesn’t care. He wants his boyfriend to be here to comfort him and hold him through the night.

“Of course, silly.”

-

About 2 weeks later, they still hadn’t come out to their peers and parents. They’d talked about it a few times, but Jack was still a bit reluctant about the whole ordeal.

They’re both sat in math class, sharing a textbook as Jack leans against Alex’s side with sleepy eyes. Snuggling with Alex in class doesn’t scare Jack that much, mainly because they’ve been doing it ever since they became friends and nobody’s really questioned it.

With a yawn, Jack presses against Alex’s side, eyes slipping closed as he listens to their teacher say that they’re gonna be working on the problems 1-20 with their partners.

“‘m tired, Al.” The younger of the two mumbles lazily as his head tucks into the other’s shoulder. Alex laughs quietly at his boyfriend, fingers rubbing up and down his arm. He couldn’t get enough of Jack’s smooth, silky skin.

“I know, babe, this class is boring.”

Jack hums in agreement before he picks his pencil up and starts writing down the answers to the problems in the book. His head perks up when he hears a girl say their names.

“Are you guys dating?”

His eyes widened the slightest bit, cheeks turning a dark shade of pink as he looks down at his hands. Alex grins a little bit as he looks away, chuckling quietly so only Jack can hear him.

“I, uh..” Jack stutters out and just stares at her, “What?” He asks quietly, chewing on his lower lip.

The girl, who Jack barely remembers as Tay, laughs before repeating her question, “Are you guys dating? Ya know, like, in a relationship?”

Jack looks at Alex with wide eyes and the older just raises an eyebrow before looking back at Tay.

Clearing his throat, Jack looks at her in the eyes, a sudden wave of confidence coming over him.

“Yeah...” He smiles a little bit as he takes Alex’s hand in his and puts it above the table.

“Yeah, we are.”