Opia

The music emitting from the stereo was not loud enough to replace the thoughts drumming against my skull. I felt like drowning; Aliz was like a siren and I was a poor sailor pulled out to sea. The only difference was that I could have rescued myself, I could have prevented calamity.

The day spent with Aliz wasn't horrible. As a matter of fact, the day was quite joyous, but Aliz would stiffen every time I interacted with an organism that did not obtain testes. With that being said, it made it hard to buy her a coffee or a trinket or anything at all. She did not even acquire the want for me to simply hand a female cashier money to pay for an item.

Aliz, who was sitting across from me with her legs crossed, leaned over and turned the stereo down. I gave her a questioning stare and she simply shrugged, saying, "It was giving me a headache." I nodded, reclining backwards and stretching my arms above my head. Aliz laid her hands in my palms, intertwining our fingers. She set her chin on my forehead before saying, "Stellan, I love you."

"I know."

I felt awful for not being able to say it back. God, it made my stomach ache. The fact that I could only say two words in response to her three made me feel like I belonged in a pig pen. But I could not lie to her. I would not lie to her and tell her that I loved her.

She exhaled a breathy sigh. "Still not enough time for you to love me?" I simply sighed; any other response would have been redundant and unnecessary.

I searched my mind for something, for something to say other than the usual, dreaded fact that I knew. "If it makes you feel any better," I started. "I still think that you're one of the best people I've ever encountered." And that was not a lie. She was amazing, her lips were amazing, her tongue, her fingers, her heart. And while I loved the majority of her assets, I could not bring myself to love her. Because there was a little voice in the pit of my abdomen telling me that everything I was doing, that every time I got myself involved with Aliz, I was fucking things up for myself.

"Thanks." Her voice had faltered. She seemed more disappointed than she seemed satisfied. The feel of her skin obliterated, her hands disappeared from mine. My heart sunk deeper into oblivion.

"Aliz, don't." I rolled over onto my stomach and climbed to where she sat against the headboard. I extended my legs before grabbing hers and wrapping them around my waist, pulling her into my lap. She smiled softly and I kissed the hollow of her neck.

Just the simple notion made her loosen up and I could feel her laughing lightly. I kissed behind her ear and slipped my hands underneath her t-shirt. She ran her fingers through my hair as I kissed my way to her lips.

She laced her scent to me with her tongue before subtly pushing me away. "Okay, okay. I'm okay with your lack of love - for now."

"Good," I breathed. "I'm trying, you do know that, right? Baby girl, I'm trying for you."

She nodded her head and kissed me quickly on the lips. "It feels like you aren't trying hard enough," she whispered.

I sighed and laid my head on her shoulder, circling my arms around her waist. She was a siren and I was a sailor, allured by her beauty and the melody of her voice.

We sat in the same spot for nearly an hour, for my baby girl had fallen asleep. I was afraid to move; she looked so calm in her lucid state. There were three small knocks on the door and my mother's face appeared.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't mean to interfere on nap time, but Luke stopped by."

I furrowed by eyebrows and shifted toward the door more. "Where is he?" I asked. "Just standing around somewhere? Just send him upstairs, please."

She nodded before retreating, leaving the door cracked. I waited, waited to see Luke's head of blond hair appear. I heard him before I saw him and then sounded his cheeky laugh.

I grinned, still holding onto Aliz. "I take it that you're here to cock block?"

"I can't cock block if the pink meat's sleep. Call me the next time you two are fucking, yeah? I'll come and block your cock then." Luke invited himself in and stood across from me. "Oh, don't give me that look like you're an innocent puppy. I know that you two fucked. The cat's out of the bag, bro."

I exhaled a sigh. "Is there a reason why you're here, Skywalker?" Aliz was beginning to stir and I wanted to kick him for waking her.

"I came to see if you wanted to chill, but it looks like you're already occupied." Luke gestured to the waking Aliz. She wiggled out of my grip, yawning and quickly covering her mouth.

Sighing, I turned and allowed my feet to dangle off of the bed. "Thanks for waking her, Skywalker." Rubbing her eye with the back of her hand, Aliz sat behind me, draping one arm over my shoulder. "Baby girl, do you mind if I go hang out with Luke?"

"Nice pet name," Luke laughed, shoving his hands in his pocket. "Dude, you're whipped."

I groaned. "Fuck off, Skywalker. Go jack off in the bathroom."

"Or how about I do it all over your bed. That way, you can roll in your sheets and think about me." Luke winked and behind me, Aliz's arms slid around my waist.

She laughed and squeezed gently. "That's a good idea. Why didn't I think of that?" Aliz laughed and squeezed gently. "And I don't mind. I'll just bake cookies with you mom or something."

"Or," I started, "you can slide under my covers and take a nap so that you'll be there when I get back."

"As long as you tuck me in before you go," she said. She let go and I stood up, pulling the covers snugly over her body. "Don't stay out really late. I love you, Stellan."

"I know you do, Aliz." I gave her a lingering kiss before pushing Luke out of my room, following behind him. "I saw that way you were eyeing her. She's mine, Skywalker."

Luke deadpanned. "Good. I wouldn't dare take her; the cute ones are always the crazy ones, Stell. And she's crazy over you."