Beautiful Mess

I have to say, time really does fly when you're actually having fun with the Specials; considering the fact that it's already October. Sure, we get treated like shit, but we never give two fucks about what they say or do. And it's also pretty funny to say anything we want to the horrible teachers around Westrell High; we could get away with saying anything we wanted to and still, we would never get in trouble. Oh, I guess I never explained anything about who the "Specials" really are. I guess you could call us the "Breakfast-Club-of-Breakfast-Clubs". We have so many problems that it's actually funny; except we're not in the wonderful era of the 80's.

Avery, Candice, and I are known as the "Most Problematic" Specials. We would always curse, say some of the rudest and most racist shit towards everyone, and we were known to either smoke or drink at a young point in our school lives. Candice, well... she never did drugs or drink, but she was in the Specials because of her "rude mouth" according to the extremely Christian and white teachers. Then there are the "Normally Problematic" Specials. These were the types of specials who just began there addictions and are sometimes getting in trouble. They're cool, I guess; except for Shelbie, the famous blonde and drugged out slut. Maybe I should get to know them? I don't care, really. But, even so, I'll be stuck with them in classes either way.

I was daydreaming in homeroom once again. I kept thinking about my old friends back at the ward; What are they doing right now? Are they even thinking about me? Then another thought flew out of my mouth:

"Should I smoke one today?"

Suddenly, Ms. Prakna began to glare at me again as she was writing down names in the attendance list. Considering that this was the first day I came to school on time (and realize I walk to school), I think I deserve a prize; don't you?

"Macbel, don't you remember our conference with the principal two weeks ago? It is inappropriate to speak of such horrible behavior. If I hear you one more time-"

Oops, I started the dumb blonde bitch up again. I guess it's time for Part 2 of my comedy act.

"Wait, wait, wait. But am I smoking right now?"

She looking embarrassed and began to turn red; I hit the goldmine yet again today.

"No."

"For all you know, I could've been joking back there and thinking about my 'Oh-So-Depressing' ward experience and how much I have changed. Tell me something."

"What?"

"Don't you think a little more sarcasm than Jesus Christ in your life?"

No one responded. Weird, normally everyone would have some type of reaction to my sarcasm. Shit, I think the whole popularity thing is getting to my head again. See, it's weird because smoking helped me mellow out before, but ever since I started going to school it feels like I'm smokin' all the shitty stuff and getting the good stuff. Hmm, maybe I would be the only one to understand something like that... So forget about what I just said.

When homeroom was over, I decided to talk it up with Candice and Avery before I had to head to gym class. Oh boy. However, the usual and explicit Avery wasn't there. Candice was fine, but Avery looked so damn depressed, it made me want to give a second thought to what I said to Ms. Prakna today. Yikes.

"Candice, Michael was such a dick! He totally fucking cheated on me!"

"Avery, he was a dick anyways, right? Just get over him already!"

"We dated for two fucking years! Yes, even though he's witnessed the bullshit and dealt with the smoke and every, he kept saying that he accepted me! And then, after he actually made me smile about going to Homecoming with him, I saw him making out with Shelbie!"

After hearing that, something inside suddenly made me want to punch a wall, but why? It's none of my business whether her boyfriend cheated on her or not. It's her life and not mine. But even so, I'm a sucker for seeing my friends cry over teenage bullshit. Yes, I get it; "She's your friend, help her out!". I know. Which is why I get really awkward about stuff like that because, honestly, I'm the last person that people should look up to for help like that. Especially for a creep like me, you know, with one arm and all my glory. Candice then walked closer to me and began to whisper something about Avery.

"Matt, she could really use your 'humorous' self right about now. She's really depressed about this guy."

"Listen, Candice, I'm not really the best when it comes to helping out girls and I think the last thing I would wanna do is to ruin the small friendship we already have."

"Just make her laugh. She loves guys who can make her laugh, you know, like you."

"I'm pretty sure that my job is to not be her clown, but to be someone there for her!"

Wait, what the fuck did I just say!? Shit, Candice might get the wrong idea! She might think I'm a total wimp and totally ruin my rep. Okay, okay.... Pretend you just smoked one, pretend, pretend....

" 'Someone there for her' meaning a friend, right?"

"Um, yeah."

"Good; Go and fucking talk to her already!"

I eventually gave up and decided to sit down in my desk and face her. She began to look at me with her hair, yet again, in front of one side of her face and her eyeliner leaking down her left eye. I couldn't stand to see her this way. Now, I had to play it smart. I had to be funny, but not offensive this time.

"Matt get away from me."

"Fine. I can't believe you would want your favorite emo wannabe to leave."

I began to head towards the door until she ran up to me and hugged me from behind. Everyone had already left except for the three of us. I felt her tears being soaked up in the back of my sweatshirt and I restrained myself from looking back at her. But, like I said, I'm a pussy when it comes to this kind of stuff.

"Avery, meet me behind the school after last period, okay?"

She didn't even look me in the eyes, but she did nod. I then turned around and held up my pinkie in front of her and decided to try to cheer her up one more time.

"Pinkie promise?"

I suddenly heard a small chuckle. Thank god; I couldn't stand to see her teary and somewhat snotty self all over me anymore. I was just glad to be able to cheer my friend up. That's that. Only that. Nothing else; Nothing more.

"Pinkie promise Bello."

She then grasped her pinkie around mine. I never imagined her hands being so small. Shit, I must sound like such a pussy right now. Where am I? Where's the original me? I'm never like this as far as I know. This is why I can't live with out a smoke sometimes. I need to calm down or else I'll seem angrier than I already am.

"I'll see you later Avery."

"Okay. Bye."

Like always, the day seemed to pass by fast, even though I began to feel shitty about what happened this morning and the fact that I've passed a few days without one single smoke. I'm freaking myself out as you can clearly see. It was after lunch that I saw Shelbie with this brown haired jock-looking guy. Now, I don't wanna assume anything, but the fact that I saw her make out with this guy made me think that that guy was Michael. I sat with a few people from the Specials and my gym class. I did have a few questions in mind about this guy though:

Why a jock?

Did he used to drugs or did he ever drink?

Did she even realize how popular he seems?

What did she even see in him?

Why, of all the other girls, would he choose to hurt her-- Shit, I mean: Why would he choose the most expensive and fake item from "Sluts-R-Us"?

I got up from my seat, feeling like Jesus again, and walked towards him. If you've ever watched American Horror Story, I think you would recall how Tate felt while he was roaming in the school before he shot everyone he liked. Damn that was an awesome show. I guess we're long lost brothers, him and I. When I got to the Popular table, Shelbie winked at me again and looked up at her new Ken doll, if you will. Michael, however, didn't seem to pleased with my existence. Now talk about lame.

"What the fuck do you want faggot?"

"Why don't you tell me you fucking jock? Do you enjoy hurting peoples' feelings and making them feel like shit?"

He got out of his seat and grabbed me from the neck of my sweatshirt. How original.

"You better take what you said back faggot, or I'll show you what an emo faggot around here deserves!"

Either it was his lack of originality that pissed me off or it was the fact that he just keeps calling me a faggot that keeps pissing me off. Either way, I somehow escaped his grasp with my one and only arm.

"If you keep calling me a faggot, doesn't that mean that you're a faggot? I mean, cause you know what they all say; whatever a bully bullies you about is their one fatal flaw-"

But before I could finish what I was saying, I felt my body slam on the floor. I tried to stand up, but Michael's foot stomp my chest. I kept trying to get up as much as I could.

"You know.... I actually feel bad for you Specials. I mean, look at yourselves. You have all the chances in the world to kill yourselves and nobody would notice. It makes me sick to see you in my turf everyday!"

Suddenly, the image of Avery popped up in my mind and I grabbed Michael's left foot that was still on my chest and bit his ankle as hard as I could. He screamed and fell backwards and I was finally able to get up with as much strength as I could put into my right arm. Suddenly, Michael got back up and began to glare at me.

Ooh, now this fight was gonna feel so good even though I didn't have a smoke. Just watch me; even I know that a "faggot" like me can win this.