Beautiful Mess

Everyone was surrounding us in the cafeteria, but no teachers were around; not like I wanted them there to see me anyways. It was just weird that there wasn't anyone there to stop me just like the good ol' days. For a moment, I felt like I was in the ward again. I would always get into fights about my ex-girlfriend with the other crazies. I would always say: "We're normal just like everyone else!" And of course I would go on my usual rampages and punch the lights out of as many of the nurses as I could. And then, of course, karma would rape me like the bitch I was and I'd have to be strapped down and locked in my room like a dog. I felt like I was stuck in this horrible haze of being pissed off at everyone and I just wanted to get out. I don't know why, but I feel like there's an escape waiting for me.

Listen, that was before I realized that the world around me absolutely sucked and before I got my left arm taken away from me. I was never truly mad at the world at the moment like I am, I was just mad for being "mad". No one else would understand how that would feel except me, right?

After zoning out again, I woke up to the feeling of being slammed to the ground again. Jesus, this guy just never wants to quit does he? See, now I would say I could go on like this all day, but that would just be me being too cocky again. He suddenly grabbed my neck with a surprising amount of strength and decided to get in my face again.

"What the fuck is your problem Maggot!?"

"My problem? You broke Avery's heart you fucking asshole!"

He dropped me on the floor as he started to laugh with Shelbie clinging onto his right arm.

"Wait, wait, wait. Avery? Avery Cameron? We never dated."

What?

"I mean, unless if you call getting free blow jobs and saying 'I Love You' in the fakest way possible 'dating', then yeah, we dated for a while. Well, actually, she was the one who told me she had feelings for me and, dude, she's OKAY looking, but who would want to miss the chance of getting free sex without even doing any work?"

I couldn't stand it anymore, the anger inside kept building up and I felt everything in my body race. i got up and I pushed Shelbie away and I got my change to push Michael to the concrete wall. I began to whisper in his ear.

"Listen here you fucking wannabe, if you say one more thing, I'll make sure I'll hurt you as much you hurt Avery."

"What could you possibly do, cripple? You can't even land one single punch on me!"

I moved back and kept glaring at his blood-written face. I kept my right fist clenched while my left stub stayed behind my back. Yet again, it seemed like the spectators kept waiting to see more of the mess that they thought was gonna be made.

"You know what? Fuck this shit. You're not even worth my time. I mean, really, I know you'll beat the shit out of me and everything, but Avery's feelings are much more important to me than actually wasting my time with the likes of you."

Shelbie was quietly watching us as the other Jocks began to laugh, especially Michael. I walked out of the cafeteria and headed for my next class. I didn't care about how my body felt. I didn't care about how my stub of a left arm felt, I only cared that I almost hurt him as much as he hurt Avery.

Wait, did I really just say that? Damn Avery, I don't know what just happened but I think you're finally making me go more insane than I already am.

It was finally time to go home and I had almost forgotten my promise with Avery to meet her at the back of school. I was running as fast as I could to the other side of the hallway. I felt people look and even glare at me, but I didn't really care. When I reached the door, I saw Avery smoking and looking in a completely different direction. I went out the door and slowly scootched next to her. I didn't know what to say until she finally looked me in the eye.

"Hey, I heard what happened at lunch."

I quietly nodded and continued looking at her.

"Why would you do something like that for me?"

I searched my bag for a pack of cigarettes and began to speak again as she began to turn a bit pink.

"Well... Because we're friends. Trust me, ever since I came to Westrell, I've been feeling a lot better with the new friends I have."

"You're getting off topic Matt."

"Okay, okay. I did it because I wanted to. I hated to see you as sad as you were before. I just wanted to see the Avery that smiles every day and makes me smile too. And I also think that Michael is a complete douche anyways; he doesn't deserve you."

I noticed her blushing and saw her turn away, but I walked to where she turned to and I stopped myself from ranting about how much I hated Shelbie and Michael. I'm pretty sure I would've said

"Listen... Avery."

She turned back and took my cigarette as I took out my lighter and lit it.

"If you smoke one, you live one. If you bum one, you've done one."

"What? What does that mean?"

"If I could explain what that meant to me I would. Besides, the last thing I want to do is get über cheesy with you. I don't want you to feel any worse than you already do."

Avery giggled and began to smoke the cigarette.

"You can say some of the weirdest things Bello. Thanks for cheering me up."

She ran up to me and hugged me. I never expected that and she placed her head against my chest.

"And here I thought I was the only one who was mad for being "mad" Bello... I guess we really are one in the same."

I nodded and we let go of our embrace. After our smoke together, I decided to walk with her to her house since she lived six blocks away from where I lived. We barely talked to each other and then before I knew it, we were already at her front door.

"I'll see you tomorrow Bello."

"And I'll see you always Avery."

She faced me as she turned the doorknob and looked skeptical as to what I just said. I meant that I would always see her around town and school. I didn't think it would mean anything else, so it was okay to say what I wanted to say, right? Or is it that she's making me go insane again?

"I'll, um, see you tomorrow Bello... And stop being so nerdy and cheesy, it doesn't fit your emo-wannabe-ness and it makes me wanna puke."

"Okay, okay. I'll see you tomorrow at school."

She finally went through her front door and waved back at me. I felt like I wanted to say something else before she closed the door, but nothing came out of my mouth. No sound, no words. Nothing.

Shit, I hate being "mad" and feeling more crazy than I already am. But at least Avery is one in the same in this crazy life of mine.