So this is the End of You and Me

“I love you, but I love him too.”

It’s been hours since Kellin’s confession and Vic still laid awake, the words replaying on and on in his head. He wanted to say that he was surprised but he wasn’t. It was sad that he knew yet, he kept quiet for Kellin’s sake since the younger one was trying so hard to keep it secret.

Vic believed him when he said that they hadn’t done anything, only that they had almost kissed but Kellin had freaked out, which was the only reason why they hadn't.

The Hispanic turned to face the smaller body that was lying beside him, curled up around his wounded arm. Vic sighed, praying that he could make the right decision.

It killed him inside that Kellin was falling for someone else and yet, at the same time, Vic couldn’t bring himself up to blame him for it. He knew that he was becoming distant. It was an unfortunate side effect of trying to get his band off the ground and out of the dingy bars that they play.
He sighed again and scrubbed his hands over his face. Why was this so damn complicated?

Vic slumped against the wall and stared into the dark room. He had so many thoughts running through his head. Above everything else, he wanted Kellin’s happiness. He hadn’t seen the younger smile genuinely in months, which really was a testament to how he was dealing with everything.

The answer he had was not the one he wanted.

Vic groaned silently, hating the logic that had somehow found its way inside his head. If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If not, at least you had a good run.

The last thing he wanted to do was break Kellin’s heart but… Well, what else could he do? Let his lover continue down the path of self-destruction or let him make his choice?

Oh, God, this was going to hurt.

Vic shook Kellin, waking him up. Distantly, he thought about waiting ‘til morning but, well, he didn’t want to drag anything out longer than he had too. It took a moment until he actually stirred, sitting up while rubbing his eyes. Vic smiled at the adorable sight but the expression faltered when he remembered why he was doing this.

“Kellin, we need to talk. I’m sorry, I know it’s late and we’re both exhausted but I don’t think that this can wait.”

The younger blinked at him, a slow realization dawning on him. “Do you mean…?”

“Baby, come here.”

Kellin didn’t hesitate crawling into his open arms and settling against his chest. His body trembled and Vic could feel his guilt crawling up his throat.

“Kellin, honey, I love you. It’s because of how much I love you and how much I hate seeing you hurt that I’m letting you go. Before you freak out on me, let me explain.” He waited for Kellin’s barely there nod before continuing. “I think that you and he deserve a chance. You don’t need to have only experienced one person in your whole life.

“I was your first everything and believe me, I will always treasure that. Kells, you’re young and we still have our whole lives ahead of us. Don’t think of this as a goodbye. I still love you.”

Kellin pulled away, staring at him with bright eyes. “So this is it? This is the end?”

Vic shook his head, hating the way the younger’s voice cracked. “No honey. This is ending a chapter, not the whole book.”

They went silent, more so out of thought than a lack of words.

“Why? Why are you doing this?” Kellin asked, tears dripping down his cheeks. Vic pulled him in again, holding him close.

“Because of how much it hurts you to be in love with him and me. I’m giving you the chance to be with him, to make your own decision about what you want.”

They went quiet again, soaking in what comfort they could get.

“What are we going to do about the apartment?” Kellin asked. His voice was steady, if a bit watery.

“We’ll figure it out in the morning. I’m sorry about doing this now but I don’t think that this should’ve waited,” Vic whispered, kissing the top of Kellin’s head. The younger nodded.

“Well, thank you. I think. I don’t know, I kind of hate you right now.”

Vic chuckled. “I figured and it’s okay. I hope that you can forgive me someday and that we can still be friends someday.”

Kellin wrapped his arms around Vic, actually surprising the older. “I don’t want to lose you as my friend. It’s already bad enough that I lost you as my boyfriend.”

“Just, promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.”

“Okay, I promise.” A few minutes passed. “So, what do we do now?”

“I think that we should go to sleep and deal with everything else when we wake up. I don’t know about you but I’m still really tired from earlier.”

Vic laid down and shut his eyes. He had almost drifted off until he realized that something was missing. He lifted his head slightly and met Kellin’s eyes.

“You can still sleep with me, we’re not done until we wake up.”

Kellin nodded and cuddled up into Vic’s chest. Together, they settled in for their last night as boyfriends and Vic silently prayed to whomever was listening that he had made the right choice.